...have small metal cages suspended from the ceiling of my classroom where I could put the naughty, cheeky little shites and then hoist them up out of the way for an hour or so!! 
SO...come on (especially if you've had a crap day at work), add your pennyworth...what would you like to have which you know will never happen?
PS...this is supposed to be a FUN thread...so please no PC/political/religious bullsh!t argueing!!!
THANK YOU. 
Did you see that story about that schoolteacher what flipped out and battered some lary little bastard sweet little angel with a dumbbell?
There's a good reason I'm not a schoolteacher. There wouldn't be many kids left to teach by the end of a day...
I accidentally deleted some stuff I've spent hours on, and am now having to redo it all. Pissed me right off. Can't be bothered. 
you teach badly behaved parrots ?
I want to punch every traffic warden I see.....
I want to punch every traffic warden I see.....
Is it your job to park illegally?
I have just typed the sentence We fully appreciate that you are vile little bastards with no sense of human decency, but thought it best to write you a letter rather than bombing your f===king office.
I shall almost certainly not include this sentence in the finished version of the letter when it comes to be sent. But I'd like to. 
Come to work with a smile on my face and a spring in my step, knowing that I'll be paid for the work we do.
Hell, lowey...never considered that...so that is my challenge for tomorrow...my colleagues will think I'm on something!!
I've been known to walk into a senior manager's office requesting a flight to Germany and a shotgun when our colleagues over there are being particularly difficult.
It's also been known for my boss to walk in behind me with the request that he gets the flight and the shotgun instead...
I used to be able to make one of the printers work when no-one else could - I'd walk up to it and start talking about who was going to be underneath it when I threw it out of the window. I'm not sure if people were more worried by me talking to the printer like that, or by the fact that the printer would work as soon as I said that.
I once saw a very angry man shout 'F***ING WORK YOU F***ING C***! as he smacked a car engine with a mallet. It immediately roared into life. I have rarely seen anyone look so satisfied.
Talkyourwayinandoutofaducksarse...I once tried that with a work-shy colleague and it had a similar result!! 
some days I'd just like to...........make a man at work feel uncomfortable by making it known i was 'checking him out' to the point that they felt like a sex object!
As a teacher the cheeky little shites are pretty funny really, its the dull **** in charge who piss me off. Promotion interview when they asked how can we make the kids at this school enjoy science more it retrospect I should have said "stop you dull tossers promoting the teachers the kids hate and tear to shreds on a regular basis".
Talkyourwayinandoutofaducksarse
I once tried that with a work-shy colleague and it had a similar result!!
[Is frightened]
Aleigh; you all right babe? Phwooar, you look a right sort!
make a man at work feel uncomfortable by making it known i was 'checking him out' to the point that they felt like a sex object!
but you'd only be inflating his ego....
I'd like to turn up for work and have someone say let's just ditch all the unimportant stuff
but you'd only be inflating his ego....
good point......i'll have to think of something else!
yo talkemada! i'm very well thanks......i know i'm a right sort it gets me into trouble though
Ear Love, could you get that pen I've dropped on the floor for me please? I've done me back in...
(Ogles Aleigh's bottom in a lecherous manner)
*walks off with pen*
*Pastes picture of Aleigh's head onto Page 3 girl's pic*
*pokes talkemada in the eye with the pencil and then sticks the pic to his forehead*
*Feels hurt and rejected. Is then sacked for gross misconduct. Life falls apart. Ends up homeless, searching gutters for discarded fag butts...*
awwww....you can come and live with me
LOL, first thread to make me chuckle for a long time
Yay!
*Packs bags. Heads for Aleigh's house....*
Some days I'd just like to..ban fixie riding twunts with their sister's jeans rolled up and some patheticly bland mid-80s road frame pretending to be achingly hip.
Grrrrr. Twunts!
........ pretending to be achingly hip.Grrrrr. Twunts!
That's the price you pay for living in a trendy area Captain............it's full of "twunts"
.....there's no twunts pretending to be achingly hip in Croydon
Aleigh/talkemada
1st class, very very amusing!
Ernie, unlike the City and those parts further to the East, my part of town has no such twunts, thankfully. We do, however, have a very high number of very pretty young ladies riding Pashleys. Which is nice.
...go back to being FC!
But sadly the wind changed the very evening I became Angela and now I'm stuck like it! 
Aleigh/talkemada
1st class, very very amusing!
ahhhh fanks
some days I'd like to sit on the top of our offices with a sniper rifle and a bottle of whisky and just pick off anyone who looked a bit funny
... stab that person in the office who is whistling
but I'm actually far too nice and wouldn't do it 
Probably not... 
FC - I did spend a week wondering where this Angela character had appeared from, and where some of the regulars like foxy_chick had gone 
an old teacher friend of mine used to make the naughty kids spend the rest of the lesson with their nose pressed hard on the blackboard (that dates it a bit - none of that namby pamby white board stuff....)
Nett effect - kid's nose would be glowing red for a couple of hours = everyone knew who had been naughty in Miss X's class....
My current personal bette-noir is BT - too long a time on the phone trying to get our home broadband back up to speed (from <3 kbps - no, not a typo...)
Piece-de-resistance, speak to them to say I'm cancelling the service as there were no improvements...
Little angel on the other end asked me to log on to site xyz and order a gadget that would 'speed things up', free, but postage would be £1.50....
Oh, how I laughed as I explained to her the irony of her asking me to log on to something when I had next to no broadband function, and that I was being asked to pay to receive the gadget needed to fix their technical issue...
Some days I'd like to tell one of the senior managers at our place that covering up shite work with pretty topping may be alright on his jobs but not on mine.
Ahh already done that, went down like a fart in a crowded lift
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