Why are you, or why do you think you are, single?

Through choice, through fussiness, because you’re hideously ugly (looks or personality), shyness??

Why?

Cos the wife threw me out.
All of the above plus selfishness.At the moment the negatives of being in a relationship far outweigh any positives…..and I don’t really see my opinion changing anytime soon tbh. 😐
Can’t understand why no-one’s replied to my on line dating profile though!

And what is your answer, TSY?

I ask the questions around here!

I’m enjoying the single life a bit too much at the moment, and haven’t met anyone that I could see myself with long term recently.

*experiences some déjà vu when reading the question* 🙄

Through choice for me.

I ask the questions around here!

I thought you were all loved up with a pixie you met in Lands End?

Choice, need to get some health issues sorted out first then look out ladies 8)

It was a fleeting romance Darcy I had a journey I had to make, a bit like Lord of the Rings. Except without a ring, or hairy feet.

I ask the questions around here!

Might the response answer the question? 😉

TSY in all seriousness, I was single until I was 33. At the time I put it down to spending most waking time either working or training (I was pretty serious about martial arts training back then and used to compete at a national level which meant a pretty demanding training regime). The reality is that that was what I really wanted to do at the time; I was very committed to it and so there wasn’t any room for anything else.

Ultimately I guess you can put it down to being selfish, or at least following self interested goals.

A relationship requires a heck of a lot of compromise. Witness I am no longer the ninja I used to be and only get to ride the bike maybe twice a week!

It’s all about what you really want out of life TSY but if you really want to be with someone and really share your life with them, then you’ll compromise something to make it work.

Except without a ring, or hairy feet.

But with a hairy ring.

geetee1972 – your post probably means that you understand that your taunts on other threads really don’t bother me 😉

The alternative is that I’m not selfish… I just need to find someone with the exact same interests 🙂

Single and originally not by choice but it was a good decision that was made for me, not by me! I’ve got a choice now though as she (wife) wants to come back but I’m saying no, does this make me selfish?? I dont care if it does as I’m enjoying the freedom. I’ve got over my shyness (not sure if was shyness though as opposed to lacking the skills needed to date after 20years with same partner?) and getting out and about with the fairer sex (which gives me impression im not ugly!).

And I’m fussy!

Does that answer your q’s??

I would’nt put up with my shizzle….so I would’nt expect anyone else to (and certainly would’nt respect anyone who did).If and when I’m willing to change I’ll re-assess whether I actually want a relationship again.Untill then I’ve got getting a 1st cat road licence to monopolise my life.

I’m single cos the wife walked out 3 weeks ago 🙁

She decided she wasn’t happy with her lot, and wanted ‘more’ from life.

Still sucks at the moment, but trying to stay busy with friends and family.

Been living like Charlie Sheen for the last few weekends, I’m sure normality will return at some point…!

I was binned by Mrs iDave (not literal/legal Mrs) for having such an unusual lifestyle. Good decision, fine by me as it was early days – happy single, happy not single. Will go with the flow for a while.

TSY – my post means that ultimately we’re all lonely and insecure in some way.
So are you trying to find someone who is just like you?
I really can empathise with you TSY. I spent so long trying to find someone who ‘ticked every box’ and I guess at the time I was looking for someone just like me also. When I met my wife (Ambleside YHA, June 4th 2005, members kitchen, over a bag of spinach and a debate on the state of children today) within two hours of talking to her I knew she was perfect. I remember thinking, ‘if that’s not the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with then I am not destined to spend my life with anyone’.
At the time, a large part of that was because I felt she was a lot like I was – shared similar interests, enthusiasms, views of the world etc.
The thing I have found with my wife though is that regardless of all that, she is very much her own person. It’s very obvious that you are also very much your own person (our exchanges in other threads demonstrate this in abundance). So if you want to find the right person, either you want someone you can dominate and control (and I don’t suspect you do) or you want someone who is also very much their own person. In which case, maybe you need to let go of (or to put it another way, compromise on) finding someone who shares all your interests and views and love them for who they are.

Geetee… I’m not actually trying to find anyone at the moment. My question today was prompted by the fact that it’s been asked of me a few times recently.

One thing you are 100% correct on though would be the dominate and control thing… I’m very much my own person and know full well that a ‘doormat’ would bore the living hell out of me.

So to answer your (my own) question Dez… Through choice, fussy and a little bit of shyness. 🙂

I’m very much my own person and know full well that a ‘doormat’ would bore the living hell out of me.

LOL quite!

Just before I got married I spoke to an uncle whose a psychologist (yes yes…..) and I asked him what was the one thing I needed to make sure I did/didn’t do in order to make the marriage work.

He said to me: ‘She’s a pilot, she likes to fly the plane. Don’t whatever you do try to take the controls out of her hands or you’ll crash’, (she really is a pilot BTW so the metaphor was apt!)

[insert any number of innuendos about controls and her hands]

😉

I’m pretty sure I’m single because I caught my wife having an affair. Since when she’s been having a fling with one of my oldest friends.

How come she gets laid and I get pumped forearm muscles?

Well, I was single for the last 18 months or so because I had some pretty big things of my own to deal with and I need to “work out me” before I have any chance of working out anyone else.

I must admit, though, I’m getting pretty bored of that now. It’s pretty scary thinking about getting back into it. Not sure why, it just is.

Rachel

That sucks bassspine 🙁

I know its gonna hurt when I find out my ex finds someone new. I’m sure I took the first scalp in the rebound race though… 😆

Having not been single for 7 and a half years, I find the prospect of dating rather daunting too. Life is slightly different aged 30, than it was at 22!

@benman I was married for over twenty years 🙁

@benman – 40 is no better!!!

I’d give the Internet a go but I have a feeling I would get some seriously dodgy replies. Something I just don’t need

Rachel

I’d give the Internet a go but I have a feeling I would get some seriously dodgy replies. Something I just don’t need

That said, a 50 year old friend of mine tried the internet dating thing, met a charming lady, and they’ve been happily seeing each other for the best part of two years. Mind you, he was pretty ruthless with the weeding out of replies, but even then, I’d have expected him to meet a bunch of bunny boilers and have a bunch of truly awful dates. Luckily for him (but annoyingly for me, ‘cos it’s fun to take the piss) that didn’t happen.

I have nothing to say on this thread!!

Too many reasons to get into. Laziness is one though…

‘if that’s not the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with then I am not destined to spend my life with anyone’.

I’ve never once felt that, even after several relationships. I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else. I’m just hoping I’ve sorted that now…

Rachel

Probably because dispite being a grown man I have the body of a 12 year old boy 🙁

Seriously though I’m 38, who looks after my child 3 days a week as well as a full time job so get very little time to socialise or get out and meet women. My spare time is spent riding.
Yes I feel lonely at times but I made my choices in life so not complaining.

Also when you get to your mid thirties women of a similar age who are single,fit and sane are all taken already.

She decided she wasn’t happy with her lot, and wanted ‘more’ from life.

Exactly how my last ex left me, used to complain of not having much money, (owned our own house, 2 hols a year etc.) or would moan when I worked more hours because she would see me less. Now she’s with some unemployed loser. I just don’t get women sometimes, maybe it’s all these mags putting ideas in their heads that they should all be married to millionaire Brad Pitt lookalikes.

they should all be married to millionaire Brad Pitt lookalikes.

Oh, go on then… 😉

Rachel

I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else

So very true Rachel. It’s even worse when you don’t realise that this is the main issue in the first place, so acknowledging it and doing something about it is both brave and positive.

Besides you’re a woman of impecable and discerning taste right? (hence the Nicolai) so you’re also allowed to be picky!

I like to think so!! 🙂

Rachel

I’ve never once felt that, even after several relationships. I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else. I’m just hoping I’ve sorted that now…

Are any of us ever totally happy with ourselves though?

I’ve struggled for years, and know that when I was with my ex (who dumped me about 6 weeks ago now) I felt at least a little bit more complete. But then maybe that’s the problem, she certainly wasn’t happy in herself, I obviously wasn’t with myself (and have taken a big turn for the worse since she finished with me), and so maybe it just wasn’t going to happen!

Having not been single for 7 and a half years, I find the prospect of dating rather daunting too. Life is slightly different aged 30, than it was at 22!

The one consolation I have for you here (and to be fair sounds like you’ve already experienced some of it) is that FAR more women are interested in a 30 year old guy than a 22 year old one. At 22, even girls your own age aren’t really interested, so you’re generally looking at 18-21yo women. At 30, women of all ages are interested! 😉

In response to the living like Charlie Sheen for a few weeks after a breakup, can only say that after a while you’ll begin to feel really low and worthless if you carry it on…

I am single because the relationship I was in ended (my choice) sadly my little daughter will be the only thing I miss.

All that is important at the moment is being with my daughter, then secondly getting out riding.

I’m not a bad looking 42 year old, I have a job etc so one day I may meet somebody, but if it does not happen then I will still have my daughter. 

The only bad thing is moved away from all my mates to Lincoln…and in Lincoln I dont really know anybody but I’m not moving as I want to be near my daughter!

been single for a long time and gotten very used to it, I like the freedom.

Kev

I was made single by the ex’s choice some 2.5yrs ago now. At the time it hurt like hell and i was in a complete tail spin as to how i was
A) going to pay the mortgage
B) cope on my own
C) ever meet anyone ever again.

The money thing was easy once i’d calmed down, after all i bought the house on my own didn’t i?
Coping is easy, the house is tidier, i have more bikes and more time to ride them. Fewer friends now, some of which was my choice some not.
Currently seeing MsD for two yrs now, she’s a past girlfriend from some 20yrs ago who contacted me on FB of all places – i keep joking that i was cyberstalked!

Thing is, we don’t live together. From being a child till 2.5yrs ago i’d always lived with other people whether that be family, housemates or partner.
The revelation that i actually enjoy my solitude and am happy living alone has been amazing, i don’t think i will live like this forever but at the moment it suits me fine.
Not sure how MsD feels about it though….

I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can’t be happy with someone else.

that is so true. definitely true of me and GF

The one consolation I have for you here (and to be fair sounds like you’ve already experienced some of it) is that FAR more women are interested in a 30 year old guy than a 22 year old one. At 22, even girls your own age aren’t really interested, so you’re generally looking at 18-21yo women. At 30, women of all ages are interested!

Sounds good to me! Only trouble is, I don’t know where all the single 30 year old women hang out? Certainly not in any pubs I’ve been to recently! Feel like such an old timer on nights out now…

In response to the living like Charlie Sheen for a few weeks after a breakup, can only say that after a while you’ll begin to feel really low and worthless if you carry it on..

Yeah its already getting old. Having a few weekends off now, until a stag do at the end of the month.