After watching someone blast their brand new bike with the jet wash at a well known Welsh trail centre, it got me wondering about what everyone one does after their ride re:maintenance of their bikes.
I avoid jet washes at all costs and usually wipe down my chain and re-lube it, and wipe the fork stanchions. I know I should do more but often this is it for me, with more done as and when I feel like it.
What does everyone else do??
Depends how dirty it gets but yeah the chain and the fork stanchions are the main things I worry about cleaning.
Everyone cleans their chain the Sheldon Brown way, right?
Wash down with hose,clean with hose brush,wipe down,lube chain and drivetrian with GT85 to dispel water,let dry,lube chain etc with Finish Line wet or dry,put away for next ride.
Boring and sad I know - but hey I just love clean bikes.
put in shed, eat some cake have a shower
Wash on friday by hand if required/can be @rsed.
Do you people do this at 10 pm after a night ride ?
I use a jet wash if available - just don't aim it at bearings
I put it in the garage.
I've had my cargo bike commuter for 7 months now and never washed it. My MTBs get washed a couple of times a year tops.
after each ride, Wheels off, wash in soapy water with a paintbrush to get into the hard to get areas, stiff brush on the tyres, Blow off with the leaf blower 
, Lube fork stanctions and shock.
Chain comes off via powerlink stuck in a jar of degreaser and shaken liberally, rinsed in garage sink under hot water, dried off with towel and given a douse of penetrating lube, day before ride it gets some oil applied and wiped off on the day i ride.
Anal yes, I've found things have lasted longer and i can see if theres any problems easier and a clean bikes better to make adjustments on.
Every 4-5 months, Headset gets regreased and cables flushed out + other bits and bats
Let the mud dry get a stiff brush, brush mud off chain squirt with spray lube, wipe sanctions and shock..Done.
after each ride, Wheels off, wash in soapy water with a paintbrush to get into the hard to get areas, stiff brush on the tyres, Blow off with the leaf blower , Lube fork stanctions and shock.Chain comes off via powerlink stuck in a jar of degreaser and shaken liberally, rinsed in garage sink under hot water, dried off with towel and given a douse of penetrating lube, day before ride it gets some oil applied and wiped off on the day i ride.
Bloody hell! I thought it was a wind-up like the Sheldon thing above. No way I could be arsed doing all that when I get back knackered and dirty after a bike ride.
Grum that would only be twice a year surely 
rich-6...tell me you're not serious! 
Bike gets thrown up the corner after a night ride and cleaned when I have got a spare half hour. Not **** around cleaning at 10pm. If I get back from a normal day time ride and it's muddy then it gets whipped round the Morrison's round the corner and I use the jet wash. There is a soft wash option so it won't destroy the bearings and a big soapy brush as well.
Car wash when it's very muddy. 5 minutes of hot shampoo and high pressure water for £2.
Oh dear... 
Min. 1hr after each ride - soak with garden sprayer, sponge wash, paintbrush clean nooks & crannies ('radiator' long-handled brushes are dead good), spray chain / rings, brush clean with detergent, wheels off, clean out calipers, do nooks / crannies not previously available, rinse off, towel dry, paper towel dry chain / rings / calipers, wheels back on, use twisted bit of paper towel for bolt heads etc. Possibly borrow SO's kitchen blow-torch to dry rings (low flame). PTFE spray stanchions, lube chain, lightly paint oil onto rings. Have a nasty throat today so did a bit more than usual after Lee Q yesterday... 
Night-ride; as good a spray down as possible (above regime next day / night)
clean it after every ride
Spray Muc off
Hose pipe (soft spray)
Leave it for an hour or two to dry
Lube chain and apply bike spray
Love clean bikes !
I wait until I can't change gear due to the amount of crud caked to the mechs / cables..
Got 3 new bottles of muc-off spray on the shelf too! But it is usually because i'm knackered, wet and it's dark when I get back and I can't be bothered to clean it.. Rather have a hot shower instead.
Bike holding up very well despite my laziness!
Depends on how muddy it gets. If there's a jetwash available I'll usually use it. Local stuff, the mud round here is actually easier to get off when it's dry so I just brush it off and relube the chain.
The bike gets a complete strip and rebuild once a year which is usually often enough to negate any careless neglect or overenthusiastic use of a jetwash.
Never jet wash. Always clean after a ride,day ,or night. I'm not rich enough to have 3 grands worth of bike festering in the garage/and/or not working properly on the next ride.
Never ceases to amaze me,when half-wits drop their shitted -up bikes in at LBS complaining that it's not shifting as smoothly as it should....
I rarely clean my car.
Coz I'm a bit BSE;
Hose down.
Spay cassette and discs with disc cleaner and brush in, hose off after two minutes.
Shitshifter the frame and work in with a soft brush.
Hose down bike.
Tip water out of frame.
Air dry alen key bolts and mechanical parts with an air line.
Dry down frame.
Lube stantions and wipe off.
Apply printers light silicone if storing.
Check tyres, pads and all nuts and bolts.
All ready to go again.
I rarely clean my car.
Our car is being cleaned right now 
Puddles = bike wash
weapon - feet - wash - eat.
Hose the bike off with a diry worker at location if it's been really bad.
get home and scrub both wheels after degreasing cassette.
Degrease chain and chainset with rag and toothbrush and chainbath
Thorough rinse
washing up liquid in chain bath and lather up the chain, then wash all the bike with various sponges and brushes.
Thorough rinse
Dry with combination of compressed air and old towels.
Then start washing kit (helmet, shades, camelbak, shoes etc and set the washing machine going (after rinsing stuff in the garden if it's been really bad)
Go far a shower and clean me
Eat
After dinner,
WD40 wipe on bolts and mech pivots
Finish line stanchion lube on stanchions
Oil chain with a drip lube, one drop per roller.
Re-fit wheels, make sure she goes up and down the gears and brakes still run drag free. Any repairs or tweaks that may be needed can now be done.
Oh yeah, often I'm doing this to two bikes as the wife never looks after hers (she's taking the dog for a walk and cooking dinner)
A going over with the hose, clean the chain with a clip-on chain bath (I know people sneer at them but my drivetrain seems to last OK), wipe down with a cloth, another hosing down, leave to dry, lube and put away. Sometimes I clean the rims, take the wheels out and wipe the bits I can't reach otherwise but not always.
I try and do this first thing when I get in, before showering but this depends on how late it is and how cold and wet I am. I find leaving it just turns it into a job you have to make time for later when you invariably don't have any.
I agree with Rich 6 on this:
things have lasted longer and i can see if theres any problems easier and a clean bikes better to make adjustments on.
I'm often on the train with a bit more riding to do before I get home so rarely use trail centre jet washes, although I think they're OK if you're only getting most of the shit off before it goes in a car- I keep them well away from hubs and BBs though.
I always try to hose off most of the heavy stuff, GT85/WD40 chain, front shifter, rear mech. I always take both wheels off cos I hate the rust spots on rotors after the water evaporates. I give it a real good wash about once a month with a bit of an inspection of bits that may break/fracture or wear out.Dont think thats over doing it. 
eckinspainrich-6...tell me you're not serious!
I am, Its lovely and shiney it hasnt been out in a few weeks Wake up on a weekend to hear the rain puts me off going out
Let the caked-on mud dry and then knock it off with a stick and/or brush next time i go out. Like others, i focus on the drivetrain and fork stantions. There is a pile of mud in my garden from the area where i knock the dried mud off. My bike runs much sweeter than friends' who put more effort into making theirs look cleaner.
I think dirt gives a bike character.
have a wee look at the rock'n'roll lube. it cleans the chain and lubes it. and it really is very good.
I tend to wash the bike when I get home, but its a quick job. One bucket of soapy water, sponge all over concentrate on important bits. Rinse with clean water, dry with old cloth as bike lives in house. Lube when leaving for next ride. It takes me about 5mins - I love rigid singlespeeds. If its not done when I get home it isn't done! But they never look completely clean.
I don't have an extra hour or two everyday for bike cleaning.
I put it back in the boxroom and then wheel it out next time I need it. No way could I be arsed doing even half of some on here. Bikes have always worked fine too.
Trio just don't forget to check for play in your bottom bracket
FWIW I only clean (and dry) my bike when it's already wet (which seems like after every ride at the moment), otherwise it's only the chain / cog and ring that get any attention
use twisted bit of paper towel for bolt heads etc
really ??
Jet wash from about 3 feet away to get the mud off, front & rear mech with paintbrush and Muck-Off, then a bit more lurve to the chain and cassette.
There's a jet wash down the road from me that allows two bikes to be washed, still on the boot rack, for a quid, 24/7/365.
use twisted bit of paper towel for bolt heads etc
Occasional cotton bud for me!
I only use water to wash my bike. Muc-Off is used only as a chain degreaser and not ON the bike in case it gets into bearings.. My routine...(after mucky ride)
1)rinse bike briefly with hose. Brush mud off cassette & mech
2)Remove chain off(takes seconds with SRAM quicklink). I put chain in old plastic milk bottle with a bit of "muc-off" and give it a good shake, rinse in hot water & dry with rag. Put chain back & re lube.
3)When dry wipe fork stanchions with rag & add few drops of fork oil to fork seals.
4)Cables. I run "all the way through outers". This saves loads of time. All i need to do every few months is loosen the cable & drip TFT2 in at the top. the muck runs out at the bottom. simple & I never need to change cable outers for years. I use grease/chain oil in the front mech cable so i hardly ever need to touch that.
Muck off now cleans the wheels on my car after the mess it made of my pikes, Sprayed it on and wiped it about with a brush and rinsed it and it etched the paintwork, Dont know if i got a strong mix of it but its not getting used on my bike again, It also made a mess of my rear mech on my commuter 
I just came across this thread and it made me think...
I used to do the Sh1t Shifter>Brush>Hose>GT-85>Chainlube>Disc Cleaner thing, but now I'm slightly confused.
As I live in the dry dust now my routine is broken so my bikes get hung on the wall covered in dust then before I ride them I lube the chain fork and shock and carry on.
Anyone live in a dry dusty area?
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