lets lighten todays mood.
one of my fathers about me being so forgetful.he looked sadly at me whilst shaking his head and and said..
"good job your balls are in a bag, ay son?"
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lets have your classic dad quotes...
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Posted 1 year ago #
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immediately after farting - " better an empty house thatn a bad tennant "
upon hearing the ice cream van music " that's to tell you they've run out of ice cream "
Posted 1 year ago # -
when playing a prank on specimin reception at our local hospital (we gave in a 1ltr coffee jar full of white creamy liquid labelled as a sperm sample) dad calmly said "i know its not much, but it always looks a lot more when its spread all over your chest"
Posted 1 year ago # -
Fill yer boots: http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
Posted 1 year ago # -
Just before a backhander/larruping
this'll hurt me more than it hurts you
and you know what it never bloody did
Posted 1 year ago # -
Now we're farming!
Posted 1 year ago # -
It wont always be dark at 6.
You cant go to work until you get up.
Up here for thinking. Down there for dancing.Posted 1 year ago # -
Great find Andrew!
Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that
Posted 1 year ago # -
"Never mind knocking about wi sturdy birds lad, think on, closer t' bone, sweeter t' meat"...............
Posted 1 year ago # -
not my dad, a mate's (he's a taxi driver) "son, always remember this, all capri drivers are w***ers"
Posted 1 year ago # -
Told me the Windmills on the moor betweem Ilkley and Skipton where there so when the resevior freezes they can fly the water over to africa.
Also told me the coolong towers on the M1 at Meadowhall made the clouds.
Posted 1 year ago # -
"Never mind knocking about wi sturdy birds lad, think on, closer t' bone, sweeter t' meat"...............
This is quality
Posted 1 year ago # -
bill shatner is playing that dad ina tv series of teh twitter feed?!
Posted 1 year ago # -
"In my day, you used to peel back the pants to see their arse.....nowadays, you peel back their arse to see their pants....."
My mates grandad *actually* said that. He must be at least 90!
Posted 1 year ago # -
My dad told me when giving me sex advice "Its the second hole from the back of the neck son"
Posted 1 year ago # -
not my dad, a mate's (he's a taxi driver) "son, always remember this, all german car
capridrivers are w***ers"Fixed it for you
Posted 1 year ago # -
Not my dad but........
"Look son, don't try to tell me,.... I've done this all ovver t' world.
I was doing this in Baghdad when you were still in your dad's bag!".........
Posted 1 year ago # -
does everyone's dad come from Yorkshire ??
Posted 1 year ago # -
***Dad using pliers to bend a piece of metal very close to his other hand, me watching how it's done***
Me: "Mind you don't..."
***Dad slips and pinches "web" of thumb and causes large open wound***
Dad: "...what do that?"
me - uncontrollable fit of laughter that lasted about 20 minutes.
Posted 1 year ago # -
"you have wore my brain out now start using your own"
Posted 1 year ago # -
"son, always remember this, all german car
capridrivers are w***ers"further fixed: when you're on two wheels all car drivers are out to get you
Posted 1 year ago # -
didn't have a dad to tell me owt....
but mine to my son is ' never do owt just to please anyone else'.
Posted 1 year ago # -
From a man who has earned and spent loads of money, and now cannot afford to retire:
"Money isn't everything."
Oh, is that right? Is that why you wanted me to continue working in a factory of a law firm that was nearly f---ing killing me as the 100+ hour weeks went by all because it was a "presigious" employer. A place that nearly broke me, and had me so depressed I could barely function (a result of which I'm now royally in the sh*t professionally).
Yeah, thanks for all the advice, Dad.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I'm full of cr*p. I recently became a dad. Am I any less full of cr*p?
Posted 1 year ago # -
does everyone's dad come from Yorkshire ??
All of mine did
Posted 1 year ago # -
does everyone's dad come from Yorkshire ??
All of mine didThat must have been one hell of a night!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Looking at a bit of rough in the pub my old man said "looks like it's been hagged bagged and sha**ed from ars***le to breakfast time."...!
WTF was that supposed to mean.? Made me howl though.
Looking at a "chunky" girl in the pub my old man said "that'll keep you warm on those cold winter mornings son".
Posted 1 year ago # -
my dad was over last week (he normally lives in ireland,nr kilkenny),
he is always full of wonderful words of wisdom, he spent most of the week telling me i'm going to die because i ride to work and people always get killed riding bikes to work!,
but
the pearl was while we were watching tv he just suddenly announced in his usual irish way that ''the man across the road from him counts his sheep using a satellite'', he looked at me dumbstruck as i rolled around on the floor pi55ing myself
Posted 1 year ago # -
"Never marry a woman unless she goes like a wounded snake."
Posted 1 year ago # -
My father was very chilled and laconic. After he'd seen me come past him on the back wheel on my GSX-R about 70mph
"stop doing that please son, your mums going to clock ya"
For the fathers in the house, this is some to tell your kids
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Lies-Tell-Small-Kids/dp/0340834056
my favourite is:
"All pubs contain powerful electro-magnets, so Daddies are pulled towards them by the fillings in their teeth"
Posted 1 year ago # -
From my father, when I was about 14:
"You are our only child. No girl you bring home will be good enough for you according to your mother. Just accept that, and get on with it."
MrsSwadey has had a very tough 15 years!
Posted 1 year ago # -
simonfbarnes - Member
does everyone's dad come from Yorkshire ??
Only if you're very lucky.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My Dad (who was a Yorkshireman) to my ex on first meeting:
"Where do you come from?"
Ex: "Hamburg in Germany"
Dad: "Ah I bombed there in the war"Result was an interminable silence - one where you want the earth to open up and swallow you.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My dad was a very private man. We ended up at a posh aprty in someone's house when I was about 28 and still messing about. Lots of parents with grown up kids complaining about their offspring. My dad said nothing until he was asked for his opinion. He looked at me from about 10 feet away and said "every family has a black sheep but that's the one Dads love the most."
You can tell my kids are going to get away with murder.
Posted 1 year ago # -
PS Hope everything's ok ourmaninthenorth.
Posted 1 year ago #
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