Oh dear oh dear .
I have 4 babies ranging in size from about 'this big ' to about , i dunno , 'that big ' .
You can get 'magic ' gloves from off the market for about a quid . That's if you live in the north ,like me.
We have a Selfridges now , where , magically , they transform to cost £8.99
Riding in the snow today , I briefly allowed the children to stop for a rest . There was a swan that appearred to be stranded in a hole in a frozen mining flash , it's thrashing and slipping was rather comedic , but , try as we might , none of us could quite manage to capture it .
During this mid snow ride escapade , one of the children had the temerity to complain that his hands were freezing cold . This was clearly his fault as he had not thought to remove them before playing in the slushy ice , and whilst I must admit they were rather blue , at 10 yrs of age he is virtually a man , and should have " thought on ".
If I'd been American I'd have told him to " Man the eff up ! " or something , but either way , we were 3 miles from home and what was I going to do ? lend him mine ? They're vintage gloves .
Listen kiddo , I've got work in the morning . Proper work , mind . He's on the ' gifted and talented team ' for maths and literacy . Go figure ,mekon boy.
At least he's got gears . His little sister's on a singlespeed , and to be honest , her gloves are a bit damp too.
Moanies evil twin has gutted the swan and is uploading some pictures on his Blackberry to his Ebay account of some salopettes he has fabricated from its wings.
If they start to moan , try this top tip .
" shut up ".
Repeat as required .
Wet cold miserable dirty snotty nosed kids are what made this great nation , and warm cosy bubblewrapped ones will bloody spoil it .
I tell ya . Dont come crying to me when it's a mess .
That said , Go Outdoors have some good deals on , if you've got a discount card.