All stolen:
The woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised
Particle physics gives me a Hadron.
What's the best thing about ***ing 25 year olds? (answer to follow).
Chat Forum
Joke thread
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Posted 1 year ago #
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....there are 20 of them
2 cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"
Posted 1 year ago # -
How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Bloke hears a knock on his door at 2 am. Goes down to answer it and it's a fella asking for a push. Sling yer hook mate, he says - it's the middle of the night. Goes back upstairs to bed and tells his wife - she can't believe he's so mean as to not help someone out. Remember that time we broke down in the back of beyond, we'd still be there if someone hadn't given us a push to get the car started, she says.
OK, OK says the man. Gets the dressing gown on and goes downstairs and outside into the night. He says - Where are you mate, I'll give you that push afterall. I'm over here, a voice says, on the swings.Posted 1 year ago # -
There are 20 of them?
Posted 1 year ago # -
My racing snail is not winning races anymore. I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t work. If anything it’s made him more sluggish.
Posted 1 year ago # -
What's blue and doesn't fit?
A dead epileptic.
Posted 1 year ago # -
What sits at the end of a bed and takes the pish?
A kidney dialysis machine.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I was out rowing one Sunday when I dropped both oars into the water. AI happened to see another boat in which there was a guy and a couple of girls. i shouted over to him, "Oi mate, can i borrow one of yer oars!". The fella shouted back, "They ain't 'ores! It's me wife and sister!".
Posted 1 year ago # -
Jengledow, THANK YOU! Dad passed away a year ago following a spell of dialysis.. Was feeling a bit sorry for myself. Cant stop crying with laughter. BRILLIANT!!
Posted 1 year ago # -
CM - quality
Posted 1 year ago # -
Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's two tyred!
Posted 1 year ago # -
What is white and can't climb trees?
A fridge!
Posted 1 year ago # -
What tyres for these jokes?
Posted 1 year ago # -
World Hide & Seek Championships latest scores:
Osama Bin Laden: 0
Madeline McCann: 1Posted 1 year ago # -
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed, 'for me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
Posted 1 year ago # -
What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?
One's an Australian marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Janet Street Porter walks in to a bar.
"Can I get a large aperitif?"
Barman looks her up and down and says, "I seriously doubt it love"
Posted 1 year ago # -
What's blue and can't sing?
BluePosted 1 year ago # -
Bomba made me cry
Posted 1 year ago # -
Apparently the Irish SAS joined in the US assault the othe weekend. They stormed Debenhams after hearing Summer bed linen was on the third floor!
Posted 1 year ago # -
What's blue and can't sing?
BlueProper LOL
Posted 1 year ago # -
I'm over here, a voice says, on the swings.
LOL !
Posted 1 year ago # -
Bomba made me cry too...
Posted 1 year ago # -
Bomba,i dont get it!
please help, i think im broken.Posted 1 year ago # -
My favourite joke ever:
A bloke goes to the vet with his budgie, which he fears is dead.The vet says he can't be sure and needs further tests. In comes his dog, a labrador, who sniffs and licks the bird, then shakes his head. Next the vet brings in a cat, who looks at it, then slinks morosely away. "I'm afraid your budgie is definitely dead," says the vet. "That will be £1,010."
"What?" says the owner. "More than a grand to tell me my budgie is dead?"
"'Fraid so," says the vet. "Normally it would be a tenner, but then you had the lab report and the cat scan."
Posted 1 year ago # -
The only joke I can ever remember........
What's the difference between oral and anal sex?
One makes your day, the other makes your whole(hole) week(weak).
Posted 1 year ago # -
toppers - a large aperitif....
A larger pair of teeth perhaps?
Posted 1 year ago # -
I'm not sure you did post that in the wrong thread
Posted 1 year ago # -
What do you call a Scotsman that's nearly home? Hamish.
Posted 1 year ago # -
might not have been the wrong thread, but it was not the thread i intended.
Posted 1 year ago # -
whole(hole) week(weak).
if you have to explain it...
Posted 1 year ago # -
I think Hilary Swank would make herself more accessible to men if she changed her forename to Gloria.
BBC News: Bad drivers to face £100 fines
Seems a bit sexist.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I bought a pair of epileptic trousers last week. They fitted.
Posted 1 year ago #
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