Viewing 37 posts - 1 through 37 (of 37 total)
  • jobs that SHOULD exist, but don't
  • brakes
    Free Member

    someone who breaks your shoes in for you, so you don’t get cut-up achilleses and achey feet and end up at work with no shoes on.
    .
    this is brought to you by the First Day Back at Work is Crap Society

    willard
    Full Member

    Tea Lady.

    I know they used to exist, but I could really do with a decent cuppa right now, but I’m too lazy to get to the rubbish tea machine.

    binners
    Full Member

    An inhouse cleaners. Someone who could whisk away my sodden, filthy cycling gear when I got into work, and arrive back at my desk with it clean, dry, toastily warmed up on a radiator, and smelling of pine forests, just before I’m due to set off home

    The reality is going to be somewhat different 🙁

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos
    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Professional forumite.

    hora
    Free Member

    An under desk fluffer. A sort of physio or Yoga teacher who comes around offices but just gets to the point of what you’d like.

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    Curator of the Internet.

    stavromuller
    Free Member

    How much would you be prepared to pay for such a service Binners?

    z1ppy
    Full Member

    … ones with satisfaction?

    Klunk
    Free Member

    someone who breaks your shoes in for you, so you don’t get cut-up achilleses and achey feet and end up at work with no shoes on.

    they are called German Squadies 🙂

    binners
    Full Member

    stavromuller – given the somewhat unappealing prospect of climbing back into soggy lycra in 2 hours time – at this point in time, you could name your price 🙁

    s
    Free Member

    Email buffer that stops any silly or stupid email mistakes

    Are you drunk sir?> lets you play on the internet while sloshed, but cuts out any stupid purchaces you will regret the next day.

    A walker – who walks in front of you in busy public streets, clearing the rif-raf out of the way & deals with cuggers for you!

    I could go on…….

    😉

    brakes
    Free Member

    I melted a pair of gloves once using a hair drier to dry them out.
    Not sure whether wet gloves is worse than no gloves.
    Maybe you should ride home in the buff.

    miketually
    Free Member

    Email buffer that stops any silly or stupid email mistakes

    Are you drunk sir?> lets you play on the internet while sloshed, but cuts out any stupid purchaces you will regret the next day.

    These both exist as Chrome browser extensions, I’m sure.

    bagpuss72
    Free Member

    binners – Member

    An inhouse cleaners. Someone who could whisk away my sodden, filthy cycling gear when I got into work, and arrive back at my desk with it clean, dry, toastily warmed up on a radiator, and smelling of pine forests, just before I’m due to set off home

    The reality is going to be somewhat different

    *ahem* I believe you have one of these already just not in work….. 👿

    Junkyard
    Free Member

    A walker – who walks in front of you in busy public streets, clearing the rif-raf out of the way & deals with cuggers for you!

    cheap charity shop suit and a name badge from the mormon church renders everyone incapabable of making eye contact with you or coming near you

    meehaja
    Free Member

    Emergency dad service.

    A subscription based service, where a quick call sends a man in a nice sweater (who drives an estate car) to any location to sort out your problems. Covering basic first aid, common sense DIY, plumbing emergencies, the “I’ve just bought something big and can’t get it in my mini” moments, lifts home at 4am.

    We could also provide mums to fulfil similar roles but with more enthusiasm and cups of tea.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    bagpuss – why don’t you drive to binners work with a spare set of gear for him?

    bagpuss72
    Free Member

    I did offer to go and collect him……

    yossarian
    Free Member

    Big hitter

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Shelter-Wallahs.

    Looking out of the window, I fear my ride home will be most moist. As such, I would like to employ a group of shelter-wallahs to run in front of me, carrying a large windblock and waterproofed shelter so that I may ride in the dry and warm.

    This will also require very fast working mop-wallahs to dry the road surface, of course.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Bagpuss – has he proposed to you yet?

    binners
    Full Member

    You mean you don’t have this facility already Flashy? I’m most disappointed. You’re slacking old chap

    And Bagpuss did indeed very kindly offer to come and get me. She’s an angel.

    EDIT: I haven’t as yet Yeti. But I’m not about to get into that on an internet forum. No good would ever come of it 😯

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    Binners, these are times of austerity, my dear old thing. I had to let my third under punkah-wallah go the other day. Don’t even get me started on the loss of my grape peelers…..

    Karinofnine
    Full Member

    I would like to be the person who rides our local bridleways to make sure they are still there, sort of like a security guard, in case anyone steals them. Obviously they would need to be checked regularly and this would mean riding my bike offroad every day. I could also inspect cafes to make sure their tea and cakes were up to the mark.

    Yes, I would like that job 🙂

    bikewhisperer
    Free Member

    A mate of mine did just that.. all around Hampshire with a GPS and a singlespeed!

    iDave
    Free Member

    A walker – who walks in front of you in busy public streets, clearing the rif-raf out of the way & deals with cuggers for you!

    Look above peoples heads, they move aside.

    I would like a personal lottery winner person, to win the lottery for me once a year.

    brakes
    Free Member

    Look above peoples heads, they move aside.

    don’t read/ talk on your mobile phone – I will walk into you 😈

    aracer
    Free Member

    You’re all missing the obvious one. Singletrack drier. Uses mop, shovel, fan heater, supply of gravel as appropriate to make the singletrack you want to ride nice and fun ready for the next morning. Booking required by 8pm the night before.

    emsz
    Free Member

    I’d like a service that provides a Emsz-alike to go to all my dates with friends and goes to work while I have a kip. That would be awesome.

    Really really didn’t need to get up this morning 🙁

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    Singletrack drier.

    A more specific role is needed at the deadly Cannock Chase Trails… the role being ‘braking bump buffer out-ter’… as soon as the mere hint of a braking scratch appears the BBBO jumps into action to ensure safe trails for one and all.

    iDave
    Free Member

    “Cannock braking bump buffer out-ter”

    No human exists with the necessary strength and skill

    PJM1974
    Free Member

    Tony Blair testicle kicker. To be paid by the hour.

    TheSouthernYeti
    Free Member

    No human exists with the necessary strength and skill

    If anyone can do it DavidTaylforth can. All that dry stone walling and squirrel eating should stand him in good sted.

    CaptainFlashheart
    Free Member

    PJM1974, what’s the rate?

    Actually, no need. I’ll do it free of charge, in my own time.

    supertramp
    Free Member

    Karinofnine – you would need a horse for that surely? 😉

    LadyGresley
    Free Member

    I would like to be the person who rides our local bridleways to make sure they are still there, sort of like a security guard, in case anyone steals them. Obviously they would need to be checked regularly and this would mean riding my bike offroad every day. I could also inspect cafes to make sure their tea and cakes were up to the mark.

    Sometimes my job does actually include doing similar – if I’m leading a ride, my colleague and I have to go and ride the route beforehand, and of course risk assess the cafes or pubs 😀

    supertramp
    Free Member

    LG – nice to see you back! or is it me that’s back? lol

Viewing 37 posts - 1 through 37 (of 37 total)

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