Job woes - do you ever actually realise your work/life balance is fecked?

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Job woes - do you ever actually realise your work/life balance is fecked?

41 posts & 26 voices | Started 1 year ago by peterfile | Latest reply from stilltortoise

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peterfile - Member

Pah, just having a bit of a whinge to be honest, but a serious question in here too.

I was offered a massive work opportunity last year to act for a huge client on a huge transaction, real career making stuff. Plus, it meant going back to my homeland for a bit (Scotsman living in England).

Was supposed to be away for about 4 weeks. I just got back after a total of 7 months. Don't get me wrong, I could have come home if I really wanted to (probably career suicide though) and they looked after me (5* hotel, all my food and booze etc, flew my girlfriend up whenever she wanted).

I've been back about a month now and another "amazing" opportunity has presented itself of the back of the last deal. It's going to involve me going away again.

I miss my girlfriend and my normal life, but I keep getting the feeling that (a) these really are amazing opportunities that are setting me apart from my peers and (b) if I say no I'm effectively killing my career.

No idea what to do.

I'm just on the right side of 30, and feel like what i'm doing now is either going to set me up career wise, or it's going to set me off on a path that I never really get off, and lose all the important stuff along the way. I look at the partners at my firm and they are pretty bloody miserable to be honest.

Sorry for the whinge, just feels a bit better to let off some steam without worrying/boring loved ones.

Anyone been in the same situation, just sort of thinking that a bit of hard work now will make things easier in future?

Posted 1 year ago #
scrappy - Member

I gave up a decent job in the Uk that I loved to go and work in Afghanistan for 5 times the money I was on, tax free. Im just slightly on the wrong side of 30 so thought its either now or never. Ive paid off all my debt, been on 2 hols already this year, with another 2 holidays booked and paid for this year already and a month trip to Thailand planned for January next yaer, I also have a healthy chunk in the bank ready for a deposit on a house. I could never have done all that in my previous job. I gave up a lot to come out here tho. My bikes in storage but comes out to play a lot when im back, only see my girlfriend when im on leave (which is 3 weeks every 10 weeks so not too bad)but I think it has to be done for a short period just to get yourself sorted financially so you can enjoy the rest of your life without feeling the pinch. Sounds like your working conditions are a lot better than mine tho!

Posted 1 year ago #
Wiksey - Member

So you want to stop but the offer is too good to turn down?
Grab it while you can and make the most of it while it lasts, but for the sake of your homelife set a date that you stop.

Posted 1 year ago #
woody2000 - Member

No-one ever looks back on life and says "thank f*ck I spent all that time away from the people I love and missing out on all the things I really care about"

Your call, you're a long time old & dead.

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

Sounds like your gamble really paid off scrappy.

Problem is, there is no immediate financial reward for me (unless you count bonuses, but I just spank them on bikes and holidays within minutes).

It's all a carrot and sitck thing leading you along a long road to partnership. I get paid the same as my peers (well, maybe a bit more thanks to a couple of good reviews and bonuses), but I work a heck of a lot harder and give up more.

Posted 1 year ago #
5thElefant - Member

You'll be miserable whatever happens. It's human nature, so you might as well be wealthy a miserable.

Career comes first. Always.

Posted 1 year ago #
the-muffin-man - Member

just sort of thinking that a bit of hard work now will make things easier in future?

I'd go with that!

How does your girlfriend feel? A bit of time apart now could mean a lot more time together in the future when you are financially secure.

No-one ever looks back on life and says "thank f*ck I spent all that time away from the people I love and missing out on all the things I really care about"

Plenty of people look back on life and regret that they passed on opportunities when they presented themselves!

Posted 1 year ago #
LMT - Member

I think it depends on lots of factors tbh im going through this sort of thing at the moment, i know everyone takes the pee out of me working for tesco, but im currently a line mgr earn a good enough wage and get by. Im working up to deputy level so that involves doing my usual job role as a line mgr and then doing the extra to learn as a deputy and doing things for the group collating figures for our regional manger to review. For the last 8 weeks ive been working 14 hour shifts every day, i come home and sleep then back to work. My other half is annoyed with me but understands as i make sure that i have my at least 1 day off to spend some time together, but last night i got home and thought why am i doing this, is it worth the extra £5k a year and all the grief when i could be enjoying life, like the op above im early 30's the next 6 months could define my career or i could be a line mgr for the rest of my career.

Its a tough call, and only one you can make.

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

5thElefant - ha! that's pretty much the mantra of everyone over 40 in my office, well, the ones who have divorced their wives and their kids hate them anyway!

Posted 1 year ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

A difficult one.

I never had the massive time away from home thing in the sense of being miles away. However, my working life was pretty hard going - an easy week was 60 hours, and more often it was at the 100+ level. I might as well have been miles away from home. I was the highest billing non-partner in all offices outside London. And I very nearly lost my marbles as a result.

The real reason you have been asked to disappear off again is simple: you can be trusted to do a good job for the client in this situation. The partners don't give a damn what it does to your home life. Their own (working) lives depend on that client being happy and paying the bills.

And, if you don't go, yes it will sideline you a little (unless you have a partner who is rpepapred to mentor and stick up for you - I never had that), but you need to consider the bigger picture.

I lasted 7 years as a transactional lawyer in private practice. I now work inhouse and have my soul back. There may not be the "show-off-to-your-mates £hundreds-of-millions acquisitions" to work on, but I do a great job and rarely spend more than 10 hours a day at work. I have more direct commercial input into what I do and am valued and thanked.

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

How does your girlfriend feel? A bit of time apart now could mean a lot more time together in the future when you are financially secure.

She's the most important person in all this to be honest. I'll make my life work no matter what, but I could never live with screwing up someone elses, especially hers.

She is patient beyond belief, and she knows why i'm doing it, but it is putting a huge strain on our relationship, there is no denying that.

I want to leave private practice witin the next couple of years, and these deals are already opening doors to companies I would love to work for (generally better work/life balance for in house lawyers than those in private practice).

Might just start knocking on some doors now, but take the opportunity. Lets my girlfriend know I'm serious about sorting out my work/life balance and buys me a bit of time to get another good bit of work under my belt.

Plus, and I sometimes hate looking at it like this, but it's human nature I suppose....I do enjoy the "rockstar" element to being away on business for big clients. I get to live the high life, where my only responsibility is work. It's ironic, even if I REALLY made a lot of money over my career, I'd still never be able to live the way I do when I'm away on business now!

Posted 1 year ago #
5thElefant - Member

5thElefant - ha! that's pretty much the mantra of everyone over 40 in my office, well, the ones who have divorced their wives and their kids hate them anyway!

Your kids will hate you anyway, and most of your wives will divorce you. You're doomed.

Posted 1 year ago #
Cougar - Member

7 months is nowt in the grand scheme of things, you've another 30+ years of working to do yet. *If* your OH is happy to carry on like this, I'd suggest grabbing it with both hands whilst you can, bleed it for as much money and kudos as you can. Then after a couple of years, walk away with a large pile of cash and buy a house in the country.

If your OH is getting antsy (and I guess, if she's a keeper), then you might need a rethink. Personally, I'd say go for it.

Posted 1 year ago #
Cougar - Member

I want to leave private practice witin the next couple of years

There you go then. Bite the bullet, have a long-term plan rather than a) thinking you're stuck with your decision forever or b) winging it. "By the end of 2012, if I'm not out of this sector anyway, I'm leaving." And what better way to cherry-pick jobs than whilst being sat on a large pile of cash like Scrooge McDuck.

Posted 1 year ago #
GaVgAs - Member

God I would love to be earning money like that..

I would be looking at it as a relativly short term thing though,If it allows you to save enough money for a deposit on a house then thats a great opertunity to get some security in your life..Once you get used to that kind of income it must be hard to get used to a lower one though,and a good reason to save the wad.

Posted 1 year ago #
Garry_Lager - Member

I'd get stuck into it mate, but like others have said the big qualification is if the missus can deal with it. You can make plenty of sacrifices at this stage of your life but nothing should be allowed to jeapodise a serious relationship. It can be so critical to your mental well-being and happiness.
Not being successful in your career can also fk your well-being and happiness of course - it's possible to do both if both sides can take a bit of strain.

Posted 1 year ago #
buzz-lightyear - Member

"an easy week was 60 hours"

I have peaks around that, but I would die if I did it regularly; my brain would explode. How the hell do you find enough time for: cycling, eating, shopping, chores, relatives, friendships, relaxing, sleeping, sex etc?

Posted 1 year ago #
offroader - Member

I think you should be directing your post to your partner.

Posted 1 year ago #
Trekster - Member

Plus, and I sometimes hate looking at it like this, but it's human nature I suppose....I do enjoy the "rockstar" element to being away on business for big clients. I get to live the high life, where my only responsibility is work. It's ironic, even if I REALLY made a lot of money over my career, I'd still never be able to live the way I do when I'm away on business now!

POSTED 1 HOUR AGO # REPORT-POST

How do you think the rest of us manage?
Methinks this is the real reason you cannot decide whats really in your best interests.
Have a mate who went self employed a couple of yrs back, really doing well, works all the hrs, got the toys inc RR Sport but has just had 2 health scares related directly back to the hrs he is working.
Now wishes he was back working 9-5 for some other mug!!!
Good luck whatever you decide.

Posted 1 year ago #
Munqe-chick - Member

Buuz_Lightyear there's your answer ... you don't it really sucks! Getting to work for 0700 leaving at 0200 the following morning then back at work for 0730 .. it hurts .. no life but sometimes it's worth the pain.

Over the last 3 weeks I have worked something like 250 hours but the reward was good and now it's calming down again with 5 days off next weekend and a trip to Bonnie Scotland.

Posted 1 year ago #
Squidlord - Member

Very tough call.
I would probably go for it. If it really comes to the crunch, could you quit it quickly if it's not working out? Depends on your financial situation, and whether you'd really feel able to back out - this woud probably mean burning bridges.
The more you give them, the more they'll ask for; would it be an option to tell them you are prepared to do a deal like this again, but not until after you've spent (say) 6 months at home with the OH?

Posted 1 year ago #
druidh - Member

Squidlord - Member
The more you give them, the more they'll ask for;
And the more you earn, the harder it'll be to ever take that step back. The fact that you are asking about it on here means you've already recognised that, away from work, your life is going down the pan. You're treating your job as some sort of competition, thinking how smart you are by outdoing your "peers" (I take it you're no mates at work either).

Enjoy your short, hectic, lonely life.

Posted 1 year ago #
Scienceofficer - Member

I did 2 years away from wife and my pre-school age kids for the betterment of my career, with the plan to return to more sensible working arrangements after that. In the time I was 'in the field' my MD was changed and the company restructured, removing the job I used to do. They then downsized and I was made redundant.

It taught me that if you're compentent/good at your job senior management with squeeze as much as humanly possible from you - You're a good company resource after all. Its easy to find yourself dragged further and further into the 'take one for the team' philosophy.

Although I was pretty good at it, I didn't really like the job, and I hated being away from home.

I value my family and time away from work far more than I thought I did.

Doing a good/great job doesn't necessarily bring you fulfillment. I now earn approximately a third of what I did, but I'm happier, fitter, I don't have high blood pressure and stress associated digestive problems and my wife and kids have a husband/dad thats there every day.

Depends on your life values really.

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

The fact that you are asking about it on here means you've already recognised that, away from work, your life is going down the pan. You're treating your job as some sort of competition, thinking how smart you are by outdoing your "peers" (I take it you're no mates at work either).

I think that's probably more your guesswork than actual insight.

I'm asking about it on here because this site has posters (at a rough guess) who are mostly a little bit older than me and may have had similar experiences and the benefit of hindsight.

My life is almost certainly not going down the pan away from work. I'm trying to assess whether i'm pushing my luck to far, or indeed whether I will even realise when I've pushed too far.

I work for for a global law firm, my work life is a competition. If you aren't better than your peers, you don't get the best work (or any work) and you're pretty much on your way out. I quite like it like that to be honest.

I do have mates at work, just not in my department. I have colleagues in my department who I am friendly with, but the last thing I want to do after work is go and have a beer with them if I don't have to (they think mountain biking is for 12 year old kids for a start :lol:)

Enjoy your short, hectic, lonely life.

Perhaps it's some form of humour I'm not picking up on, but you strike me as a bit of a douche.

Enjoy your long, boring, lonely life.

Posted 1 year ago #
Scienceofficer - Member

Go for it you young buck! Its seems from what you've said you live for your work, and the competition therein.

Posted 1 year ago #
Cougar - Member

You know what the problem is?

At 18 you approach 20 and think, "Christ, I'm going to be old."

At 27 you think, "you know, I was wrong before, but I'm nearly 30, christ that's old."

At 39, you think... well, you see where I'm going.

Truth is, you're relatively early in your career, and nothing has to be permanent. You can live in the rat-race for another six months, year, two years, whatever, and then get the proverbial out of dodge.

If you want "older person" advice, it's be this; you rarely regret things you've none, but you often regret things you haven't done.

Posted 1 year ago #
BigJohn - Member

A windsurfer's maxim:

"A bad day at the beach is better than a good day at work"

Something you won't see on a gravestone:

"I wish I'd spent more time at the office"

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

Go for it you young buck! Its seems from what you've said you live for your work, and the competition therein.

Not sure I live for the constant competition! I just meant that I like the fact that if you work hard and you are good then you get better work than the dead wood.

Posted 1 year ago #
john_drummer - Member

~~Career~~ family comes first. Always

FIFY

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

i think he was joking, john

Posted 1 year ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

I work for for a global law firm, my work life is a competition. If you aren't better than your peers, you don't get the best work (or any work) and you're pretty much on your way out. I quite like it like that to be honest.

I used to think like this. The old Nigel Boardman quote* never seemed truer at the height of the M&A boom a few years ago, and working 40+ hours straight was seen as a badge of honour. Sleep was for wimps.

All this in the regional office of a "global law firm on a fraciton of the pay of the guys in the City.

*Nigel Boardman, one of the country's greatest corporate lawyers is alleged to have said, when a junior lawyer sharing his office got up and put his jacket on to go home at 10pm, "Are you cold?".

That whole culture is fine, so long as you recognise that you are the partners' bitch. The reason they exploit you like they do? It's just happening to them from on high - salaried partners get stuiffed by the equity partners, and the equity partners are clambering over each other to get a bigger slice of the pie.

So glad I finally escaped it, though it did wreck my mental health in the end (another story for another day).

Posted 1 year ago #
hillsplease - Member

Do it in the short term for the cash with the accpetance of your SO and take the opportunity to not do it as soon as it presents itself, I reckon.

Worked so far for me, but there has to be ebbs and flows, not as some of the other posters an enduring and persistent culture of 60+hr weeks.

Posted 1 year ago #
peterfile - Member

I used to think like this. The old Nigel Boardman quote* never seemed truer at the height of the M&A boom a few years ago, and working 40+ hours straight was seen as a badge of honour. Sleep was for wimps.

All this in the regional office of a "global law firm on a fraciton of the pay of the guys in the City.

*Nigel Boardman, one of the country's greatest corporate lawyers is alleged to have said, when a junior lawyer sharing his office got up and put his jacket on to go home at 10pm, "Are you cold?".

That whole culture is fine, so long as you recognise that you are the partners' bitch. The reason they exploit you like they do? It's just happening to them from on high - salaried partners get stuiffed by the equity partners, and the equity partners are clambering over each other to get a bigger slice of the pie.

So glad I finally escaped it, though it did wreck my mental health in the end (another story for another day).

I suspect we've got a lot in common OMITN, perhaps even down to the firm.

Yeah, the hours culture is brutal. I had a good one last year.....was about to go on holiday with my girlfriend (flight was leaving that night), but was "asked" at 4pm if I could make my way to Dentons for "a couple of weeks" to help push though a completion before deal breaking deadline (election day, tories wanted to block the deal). I reminded them I was heading on holiday with my girlfriend in a matter of hours and the partners response was "oh yeah, ah don't worry about that, we'll reimburse you for any money you lose". I think he missed my point

Like I've said, I do want out of this, but just need to make sure i've got the experience I need before I make the move.

Would you mind if I emailed you with a couple of in house related queries? It would be much appreciated. Nothing heavy, just could do with an opinion on whether my expectations are in line with reality really!

cheers

Posted 1 year ago #
ourmaninthenorth - Member

Would you mind if I emailed you with a couple of in house related queries? It would be much appreciated. Nothing heavy, just could do with an opinion on whether my expectations are in line with reality really!

Not a problem. Happy to help.

Posted 1 year ago #
chiefgrooveguru - Member

Balance is everything! But it is dynamic balance, not steady state. Too far one way for too long and you're screwed.

Is it a glorious irony that you're more likely to succeed in the legal profession if you have questionable ethics?

Posted 1 year ago #

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