I know how you all love a neighbour dispute…

…so I thought I’d share this little gem. Long story as short as I can make it, I’ve been in my business premises (sleepy little northern market town) for 5 or 6 years, always had great relationship with other traders and neighbours until this August when the shop next door was taken by a house clearance/second-hand furniture seller (chavvy little scrote).

Parking is on-street and can be quite limited, but everyone muddles along, but then “Steptoe” starts blocking people in and parking his luton touching bumpers with other cars etc. My car had the wing mirror deliberately smashed (pavement side) which the Police admitted they suspected he was responsible for but nothing could be proved.

Then, in September, he dropped the tail-lift of his luton directly onto the bonnet of my car causing damage, and when I went out to challenge him (filming the whole thing on my phone) he assaulted me and tried to take my phone resulting in minor injuries to my hand. I called the Police, he was “invited to attend the Police Station” and he accepted a caution for criminal damage and assault.

I thought that was the end of it, aside from his snidey looks and anti-social parking habits, I expected him to keep his head down until he goes out of business (shouldn’t be long!!).

Anyway, last week, My boiler starts playing up so I called the gas engineer who came out yesterday. He said he could smell gas fumes so went to check the flue and came back saying “someone’s trying to kill you!!”.

The flue exits my wall at the rear of the property, into a corner formed by his shop and fire escape, and he’d placed a free-standing sink under the flue, and wrapped a carpet around the outlet! 😯

I’d spent the weekend working in those back rooms – it’s built on a steep hill, so effectively a basement/lower ground floor, and there would have been no ventilation except that I had opened a door due to the dust I was creating. The engineer says that had the door not been open, I’d probably have sat down feeling drowsy and never got up!!

So I’ve spent the morning at the Police Station, and “Steptoe” has been collared for criminal damage. I suggested that they should at least threaten him with a charge of attempted murder, because if I’d been gassed in that basement, they’d be investigating a murder right now.

Any suggestions, humourous or otherwise? He doesn’t leave his shoes anywhere I might be able to wee in them, and I recently sold my last pair of Bombers… 😉