I'm thinking about (and have been for a while) splitting up with my girlfriend. We've been together for 7 years now, we have a house (mortgage) and a dog. Things have not been working out for the last year and I'm beginning to think that I'd be better off getting rid.

The problem is it all seems quite complicated. How can I find out what my options are? I don't want to get into the situation where I'm just so sick of it all I let her have the lot and walk away with nothing.

First there is the house. I suppose it could be put on the market and sold but what if one wants to buy the other out? I work from home as well. Not sure whether I want the house (or the dog) as they are very restricting (financially and socially) but I suppose I could stay and so could the dog if I bought her out.

What happens about the items we purchased together? TV, sofas, beds, etc, etc. How do you value these things??

Don't know what to do for the best to be honest. What a ballache.

You haven't told us why you want rid.

Get mediation. It'll help you sort things out reasonably and fairly. And do the decent thing and talk to her about how you're feeling, it's sounding a bit like you're planning an ambush.

BB – there are many reasons, but after 7 years the relationship has run its course

johnners – we have discussed our relationship or lack of two to three months ago but nothing has changed or improved. I'm not planning an ambush, I'm not looking to rip her off but at the same time I don't want to get ripped off myself.

Would CAB help?

I suppose what I'm scared of is that her close friend is a solicitor who helped us buy the house. Therefore she has legal advice and support on tap.

Have an affair with her best friend – bingo – new bird and free legal advice to get out of your current situation!!!

(assuming of course her best friend is a lady!)

Sorry to hear it's come to this. Worth being very sure before you do anything irreversible. Anyway, I'm not a relationship counceller but I've done something very similar and here's what we did.

If you don't sell the house you can get 5 estate agents round to value the house, discard highest and lowest and average the other 3. Then you just take that price, take away the remaining mortgage to get your equity. If one wants to buy the other out then it's 50% of the equity. Obviously the one buying out might need to remortgage to afford that price and just split the cost of the solicitors / remortgage fees. If you have any loans then you each need to pay 50% of them or one person keeps the item the loan's secured on and then take on the whole loan. Agree a time and all the bills pass onto the person who take the house after that date. (Check at least 5 times with British Gas that it's sorted or they'll spend the next 2 years trying to take you to court).

Stuff is harder. You could just toss a coin to see who goes first and then take turns to say "I'll have that" until it's all split up. Then you can try to trade, like "I'll give you the TV and the dog if I can have the leather fatboy". 🙂 Stuff that's obviously one persons stays with them and this should very definitely include bikes.

Don't get solicitors involved in splitting stuff up. My solicitor was a great girl and a climber so we had a lot in common. We had a lot of conversations that went like this:
Solicitor: "As your legal advisor I need to tell you that you can screw your partner for this"
Me: "That sounds unfair, I don't want to do that."
Solicitor: "As your legal advisor I have to tell you that you should do that."
Me: "Point noted but I'm still not interested".
Solicitor: "As a human being I have to agree with you!"

That obvioulsy only works if you're still able to remain friends and this swings both ways.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Tough call. For what it's worth I'd say for the sake of your own sanity, you need to do something sooner rather than later, tell her, it'll be shit, but it's better than just leaving it simmering there for ages. Sooner it's done then sooner you can both more on.

http://www.relate.org.uk/

Book an appointment sometimes people cant sort it out all by themselves you might just need a bit of outside help. And don't be so defeatist do you love her?

That's the thing I_Ache, I don't know anymore.

The relationship was unravelling for some time but neither of us talked about it. Ignoring it and hoping it would go away. I just got so fed up with the situation that I eventually raised the issue (as she wasn't going to). She was or seemed unhappy and so was I.

We talked but not fully. I suppose because it was difficult for both of us. I was completely honest with her and said I didn't know what to do for the best anymore. She was understandably upset. We tried to get things going again but nearly 3 months down the line its back to being the same.

She went on holiday last night with her friend so I've got 3 weeks to investigate my options before talking with her. Its sad.

This holiday was a bit of a blow to the relationship too. It was arranged and dropped on me out of the blue. I just started thinking that she had done it because we were not getting on. She's not really told me much about it. Everything I know about it I had to ask. She's not even left me any itinerary or flight times/numbers. Nothing.

Relate might be an option so thanks I_Ache. Thanks for the info melkor, that gives me something to look at too. You're right nickc, for my own sanity it needs to be resolved asap. Life is too short….

As an adult with a husband and mortgage etc you don't just f*** off on holiday without telling anyone as if you're still a teenager.

Getting rid sounds the right option.

change the lock and chuck her stuff out whist she is away

then get a for sale sign and whack it up out side the house..

not realy.

Hope every thing is ok in the end and if she has the same sort of morals as you do then she will not want to shaft you either!!

Well use the 3 weeks wisely. The holiday seems a bit odd is she normally a gungho{sp} kind of person or normally very conscientious and explains everything properly? Where has she gone?

Have a chat with somebody impartial who isn't going to say F it sack her off lets get p1ssed. Like I said pop along to relate (I have no affiliation with them) there is no shame in speaking to a counsellor they might help you see things clearer. Go on your own (obviously) while she is away, you might have a clearer mind. Don't just keep thinking I want to end this because its the easiest way. Sometimes the things that are worth doing the most are the hardest things to do.

When I say out of the blue I've known about the holiday for at least 6 weeks but it was pretty much sorted by the time I'd been told. Which stung a bit.

Phuket, Thailand for a week then don't know. Gone with her best mate. Fly about now from H'throw. Back Fri 14th. God knows what time. Maybe she has not talked to me about it because she senses it pee'd me off a bit. Don't know. Fed up of second guessing all the time.

Yes, I think an impartial chat during the 3 weeks might be a good option. Thanks folks, appreciated.

p.s. I am going out for beers with the lads today but they'll more likely take the p155 than offer sound advice.

Sounds to me like the Holiday is a "get away from you" organised by the mate. Finish it, sounds like you'd be doing both of you a favour.

suspect the decision might have been made for you when she comes back.

I am convinced relate is worth doing – if only to clarify what you are doing.

Arbitration is always worth doing