Sue, sounds dreadful.
As I have no HR advice to give, some truly appalling jokes:
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.
So I said “Do you want a game of Darts?”, he said “OK then”, I said “Nearest to bull starts”. He said “Baa”, I said “Moo”, he said “You’re closest”.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought “he’s trying to pull a fast one”.
So I said to this train driver “I want to go to Paris”. He said “Eurostar?”. I said “Hey, I might have been on telly, but I’m no Dean Martin”.
So I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?”. He said “How flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”.
But I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he’s a witch.
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought “That’s a turtle disaster”.
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here”.
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything”.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..
Two Eskimos were sitting in their canoe and got a bit chilly. So they hey lit a fire in the craft, which sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
Our ice cream man was found lying dead on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Soor fella had topped himself.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”
“Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ” “Is it common? ” “It’s not unusual.”
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ” “No, because he’s really heavy”
Posted 12 years ago
