Just walked past 2 girls in the office and heard…..

“Shut up! Seriously? You can’t liken a shark to a piece of cheese!”

I dread to think. Any other memorable ones spring to mind?

And… yes I’m really really really bored. They won’t let us go home though go home, even though theres nowt to do

“…so I gave her a pearl necklace”.

http://www.theguardian.com/culture/series/michaelholdensallears

Getting off a train once a girl in front of me was talking to her friend and all I heard was “…and that’s why I don’t think I’m a necrophiliac”. I really want to know the working out.

VERY bristolian couple having an argument outside the chippy. The lady says; “I LOVES YOU, I ****S YOU, I BUYS YOU CHIPS”.
Poetic.

I was in McDonald’s back in June, the girl on the table next to me turned to her friend and said “is it the May bank holiday soon?”

‘oooh stop it, your giving me a wide on’

Woman with son at check-out in Woolies a few years ago:

“How many times have I told you? It’s not is we, it’s am we” 😯

Smart young couple on Sloane Street.

Her to him – “No, no, no. Wait until I’m really drunk and then tell me”

Just wish I knew what it was!

Driving the bus one day, could barely hear a guy behind me “ps dg bh huj” etc, really quiet.
Then, as clear as a bell, “no, don’t go for a shower just now, wait until I get there”
Cue several of the other passengers looking up in amazement.

2 girls talking –” it’s just like having a shit backwards ”

i was sat behind two guys in the pub the other day and they mentioned the word ‘Psychopath’ about 50 odd times during an ongoing conversation about what may have been a work colleague or someone they new at least!

Cafe the other day, heard two lads talking. One said to the other : “My favourite thing is to work through an Excel spreadsheet.”

Only in Surrey eh?

In a Bristol cafe last week – two BristolUni students talking to each other:
Him: I need to go up to Leeds early next year
Her: Where’s Leeds – is it in Cornwall?

In a restaurant in Oman about ten years back. There was a guy on the opposite table who’d already drawn our attention and amusement because he had that odd, reddish sort of hair colour that some Asians have, styled a bit like the Statue of Liberty – bald at the crown and madly upstanding at the fringe.

During one of those coincidental, sudden quiet spells you sometimes get in public places, we overhead his sing-song English voice say to the bloke opposite him “of course he’s mental you know!”

Many moons ago on the top floor of a bus I was sat behind two middle aged ladies.
As we went though a housing estate I saw a rather strange caravan. Then I realised it was something like Top Gear tried to replicate on the cheap. It was a proper caravan but was vaguely pointy and at the back has space for an outboard.
Strange enough. But it also had a healthy size TV aerial.
On top of which was a (real) brightly coloured bird.
The two in front stop nattering and one says : Look at that parrot!” The other said “Its not a parrot, its a Macaw”.
And then back to the discussion of prices at the supermarket. Not one question of why a macaw should be sat on a floating caravan’s TV aerial in the middle of Marcham.

About 2 years ago in a Chinese in York with Mrs Monkeysfeet. Late evening, and the races have been on. 2 guys and a girl walk in, very very drunk and very well spoken. The girl asks one of the guys “where is Janet”, to which one of the guys very loudly states “Good God lorraine, Janet will be getting fu##ed by Lionel by now!!!”

😯

Last week, while waiting to get served in a pub

Snotty lady behind us ‘do you know they charge £1.50 for a penny in Harrords’

Followed by another bloke shouting ‘you can have a pint of my piss for a £1’

I guess you had to be there, it was funny at the time 😉

This was overheard in the queue for Cream back in the Nineties

“His bell end is bigger than me fist”

Some things you never forget eh !

Mate is a teacher. Has an 8 year old daughter. Saw him in town, asked why he was off on a school day. Daughter promptly replied that it was an incest day.

Overheard in Bristol Parkway station many many years ago –

(Automated drinks machine) – “Thankyou for your purchase. please enjoy your Klix Drink”
(Two old dears with two fresh hot cups of muddy water) – “OOOoooo, nooo, thankYOU!”

On the way back from Centre Parcs?

Edit – no, can’t write that… NSFW

in stockton on tees earlier this year, “fookin ell, this methadone’s bunging me up, haven’t been for a sh1t for days”

In Sainsbury’s healthcare aisle last year:
Man on mobile, looking at pregnancy testing kits.
“Of course dogs have hormones. Just like women. So shall I get the cheapest?” 😯

Two blokes talking i just caught “thats f*^k all. I once hit a horse”

mr potatohead – Member
2 girls talking –” it’s just like having a shit backwards “

😯 😀

“Shut up! Seriously? You can’t liken a shark to a piece of cheese!”

I had the honour/misfortune this year to try the Icelandic dish, Hákarl, this is shark that has been allowed to decay for a number of months. Rotten shark is chosen instead of fresh shark meat because the meat of the Greenland shark is poisonous when fresh. When the pack is first opened the smell of ammonia is very powerful but texture wise, if you have not gagged at this stage, it reminded me of strong cheese or tofu…I wonder if that is what they were talking about

One said to the other : “My favourite thing is to work through an Excel spreadsheet.”

Only in Surrey eh?

Wonder what Stoner was doing in Surrey.

Two lads at work were joking about what joke secret Santa present they could buy for another in their team, one jokingly suggested anal beads, the girl (who bears a striking resemblance to ‘nanny’ from the Count Duckula TV cartoon series) sat nearby thinks they are having a serious chat about what to buy and offers her opinion on the matter. (In a very broad Yorkshire accent)

‘I wouldn’t get them those, they’re a bugger to clean, and get right sticky after a while…’

What has been heard cannot be unheard.

The daughter of a work colleague’s partner asked him recently if it’s true you can buy a strawberry sundae on a Saturday. She’s 20. 😕

Not strictly overheard but my wife came out with this cracker at the weekend

“If I hadn’t done so much drugs when I was younger I would have been like Stephen hawking just without the wheelchair”

While I was standing next to a replica of the Hiroshima bomb I heard american lady ask her friend if this was the actual bomb they dropped.

Not strictly on topic but back in the debauched hazy days of our youth, in a shared house, my mate wondered into my room whilst I was entertaining a beautiful young lady..

He announced in a clear and loud voice (although his eyes told a different story) ‘we are from the letter ‘S’…. S, P… SPEE’ and when prompted to expand on this, he informed us ‘well I don’t know what she wants.. She’s standing on a stack of bibles’

He then clumsily turned and fumbled with the door before letting himself out

In a pub in Charlton , south east London , when 2 local girls were talking about a recipe using white pudding they had seen a chef on TV make, one girl had never had white pudding and inquired what it was so the other one told her (dons a mockney sarf Landon accent) “well you know black pudding is made from blood like? well white pudding is made from the white blood cells innit” they then discussed how the blood was separated in one of them spiny things like in the lab at school. then talked about a peado teacher ,love London boozers 🙄

My mum, looking out of the bus window – “look at all those bollocks”. Er… bollards mum.

Many years ago in College, everyone was chatting so there was an audible hum around and difficult to hear anything. Anyway one guy next to my desk was talking about how he was being followed by another mate in their cars, the teacher walks, everyone but him falls immediately silent just as he finishes the sentence ‘and he was right up my arse’.

I was once a victim of this…standing in the school playground with my (very) small boy waiting for his classroom door to be unlocked
Couple of mums discussing a possible paedophile that was hanging around the school earlier in the week
My boy pipes in a very loud, very clear voice, “You’ve got them on your computer haven’t you dad?”
Eventually dawned on me that he was talking about PDF files

they then discussed how the blood was separated in one of them spiny things like in the lab at school

To be fair, they’re more or less right about how you do leucophoresis.

My father in law, a now retired pathologist – knocked his mobile in his pocket during a post mortem and accidentally called our house phone ( my wife’s name begins with A and is the first name in his contacts).

We came home that evening to an answering machine message from him which gave pretty graphic details about the circumstances of a mans death and descriptions of the removal and examination of various organs.

Best thing was when we spoke to him a week or so later and mentioned it, he totally denied that it had been him until I went into some of the details! 😀