All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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Favourite One-Liners
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Posted 2 years ago #
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What's another word for Thesaurus?
Posted 2 years ago # -
I lost a button hole.
All Steven Wright. Genius!
Posted 2 years ago # -
What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it man!
What hides behind the potatoes at Christmas? Mince spies!
Posted 2 years ago # -
On the subject of NZ'ers emigrating to Australia.....
"....it raises the IQ of both countries"
Robert Muldoon MP
Posted 2 years ago # -
Fruit flys like bananas, time flies like the wind
- this one only works if you say it
Posted 2 years ago # -
Recent research has proved that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I've just got a new job in a cardboard box factory. I'm making a packet.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Frank Skinner classic....
He did a show at a Gay Women's group type convention where obviously there was a strong representation of the lesbian community present.
He did his normal routine
to almost complete silence. At the end in the foyer he was approached by two rather butch looking ladies who started to berate their disgust at his material.. " I am so disgusted with you small minded and bigoted material,It is vergin' on the offensive"To which Frank skinnier replied " There's only one virgin on the offensive here love".
From the one liner king
Posted 2 years ago # -
Cant remember his name, Canadian guy on Micheal Macintyre's road show...
"When god created me he said I can have either a long memory or a long penis...I can never remember which one I chose".We had an apprentice once, lazy little git, but quite a character.
He was de-burring some parts once, with another apprentice.
Jokingly I feigned anger & asked if that was all he had done, he replied...
"No, he's done them, I haven't done any".Posted 2 years ago # -
Harry Hill:
"It's funny that they make glue out of horses. They're not at all sticky"
Posted 2 years ago # -
Cotic
Posted 2 years ago # -
I went to a zoo the other day, all they had was one dog. It was a Shih Tzu.
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I never apologise, I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.
Always borrow money from a pesemist. They'll never expect it back.
I once had a dog called Minton who ate Shuttlecocks........bad Minton!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Horse walks into a pub. barman says "why the long face"
that's not a one-liner, merely the first line of a two-liner.
Posted 2 years ago # -
"Jus' 'cos I look like a fool, and jus' 'cos I act like a fool, don't be fooled, I am a fool!", Groucho.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Horse walks into a pub. barman says "why the long face"
that's not a one-liner, merely the first line of a two-liner.
No, that's a 2-liner on one line!
Posted 2 years ago # -
How about,"9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape"
Posted 2 years ago #
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