hi there
I write once again, for the fourth time to ask for an update on my order. placed and paid for well over a month ago. I was advised previously that my order was about to be dispatched, however I now note that it is ‘held awaiting stock.’ Whats the problem. you’ve had 6 weeks to build a bike that you were meant to have in stock. your website indicates 10-14 days to build and ship. I’m out of pocket with no bloody bike to show for it. I’m understandably a bit hacked off. Made worse by your inability to answer my correspondence.
Please, if you cant send me the sodding thing, just give me my money back.

You seem to have written this in the wrong window? I’m sure this was supposed to be an email to on-one?

Have you tried phoning – they do answer, ime, and even if they can’t help at least you could get the refund process started?

Dear Mr Sainsbury.
I bought a pack of carrots on Saturday and one had a bit of mould or something on (could have been dirt). Hopefully you’re reading this and will arrange a refund or something.

Cheers
Dave

tweeting about my Ocado ordered elicited a refund without any need to contact them at all…

Dear Jim,

Can you fix it for me to go to Legoland.

Cheers

Jamie

dear santa,

in 1989 i wanted 2 spaceship toys, but you only brought one. when i told my mum i’d asked you for two she cried.

why did you make my mummy cry….

Dear Tony Heart,

you’ve never returned that picture of a Giraffe I sent you when I was 5. You no longer answer any letters either, I find this terrible service.

Please get in touch

Lee age 38 1/12

tweeting about my Ocado ordered

Congratulations, you’ve just won the prize for the most middle class post of the day.

(actually I’m joking, but if there was a prize it would probably be an Ocado voucher)

🙂

dear halfords,

thank you for making a bike in my price range that is more capable of handling crashes than i am.

yours erotically,
Phil.

Dear God,
Why? Explain yourself!

Dear Ian,

Because.

Yours Sincerely

God.

Dear Ian,

42

God.

Tony Hart’s dead Drac 🙁

Tony Hart’s dead Drac

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You lie.

Tony Hart’s dead Drac

and morph inherited his collection of duff giraffe pictures…

Sorry dude!

on the plus side, morph’s still around.

on the plus side, morph’s still around.

…and continues to be a model citizen I hear.

Oooof!

Dear Esther.
I have a dog that can say “sausages”.
Kind regards.
Takisawa2.

PS, tell Cyril the leather on his wing-back needs treating.

morph died in a fire where loads of ardman animation stuff was kept

morph died in a fire

It woz Chas wot started it.

Morph didn’t die in a fire, there was an ‘accident’.

morph died in a fire where loads of ardman animation stuff was kept

I heard he came back from the dead, reanimated if you will.

Tony Hart’s dead Drac

Ah, but is Tony Heart still on the go?

Dear Kylie,

Sorry about last night.
That’s never, ever happened before.
I’ve washed the curtains and the dog seems fine, if a little shaken.
I think we should have used the powdered stuff, instead of the stuff that comes in cartons.
Can we try again tomorrrow?

Love,

Captain Ambrosia.

Ah, but is Tony Heart still on the go?

maybe.. if he carried a donor card 😉

no reply from the OP yet?

yes, I realise that the original post should have contained a bit where I asked:

” is this standard service form on-one at the mo… what are your experiences?”

but i’d had a few to many beers and left it out.
anyway your responses have been very entertaining, and brightened up my day no end
thanks

Drinking at 10 am probably wasn’t a wise idea.

mhuh. it was 11 at night over here..

Dear Mrsconsequence

if you’re reading this, get off the internet and make me a pie.
that is all.

yours mysogamathingingly,

me x

So it should have been:
Dr Mr On-One.

I ordered a frameset/whatever 6 weeks ago and it hasn’t arrived yet despite me living on the other side of the world. I was expecting the turnaround stated on your website to build and ship the bike to the other side of the world. Whats wrong.

Ta

😉

PS – On-One are usually dead good. Might be worth getting up in the middle of the night and giving them a bell.

Dear God,
Give me strength.

Tony Hart always said “sorry, we can’t return any pictures” so it’s your own fault for sending it in if you wanted it for your own personal art collection. 😉

I heard Morph got in with the wrong crowd, drugs, loose women etc. Then things hotted up and he just had a meltdown…………

boom boom

morph pah.. Chaz is where it is at..

Wasn’t Morph plasticine? Doesn’t melt does it?

Doesn’t melt does it?

That would explain why Firemen wear plasticine jackets.

Dear Mr Blair,

What were you thinking?

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-t3J1TYpJz_Y/TWJU9vntgoI/AAAAAAAAoHA/SXmZoVZ50Sc/s400/gaddafi_blair.jpg

(Apart from ‘I hope he doesn’t use his tongue’)

Yours

etc etc

Wasn’t Morph plasticine? Doesn’t melt does it?

No of course not that’s why it’s soft and room temperature.