So, I've accepted a new job (yay!) and need now to resign. Only yesterday was I offering advice on how to do it formally. . But, we don't always want to write that.

So, each of you gets to write one sentence to contribute to the letter. Pretty much anything goes for this one….

I'll start:

Dear Sirs

**** You, Regards ourmaninthenorth

I regret to inform you of my resignation, owning to the time and effort I will require to enable a Mr Ngugi in the release of $60m from a Nigerian account.

Regards

OMITN

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve

(blatantly plagerised from bolbos leaving speach in fellowship of the ring)

Like it. Keep going.

Ideally, I want to be able to string the sentences together to make one long rambling exit, rather as if it had been written on a toilet roll.

Carry on.

"It's not me, it's you"

I just can't go on living this lie

'and your little dog too!'

in light of forthcoming allegations regarding myself, a hotel room, a quantity of dairlylea, and a former england captain, i wish to spare the firm any valuable publicity…

some people brought much pleasure to my job, some when they arrived, others when they left.

So long farewell, auf weidersehen good-bye
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you

I'm sorry I've gone stir crazy, I'm going over the wall.

Darling fascist bully-boy… You didn't give me some more money… You bastard… May the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of your woman.

So long and thanks for all the fish

I would like to start by saying it's been an honour & a pleasure working with you all, but I'm not going to start lying just cos I'm off up the road 😀

You can find yourself a lover/ you can make yourself a home/ you can want no other ever/ but it's never too late to be alone

You're all geniuses. Certifiable, but geniuses.

TJ – I hope you're not anticipating a viral youtube hit of me dressed as Maria? 😯

Red Dwarf FTW:

"over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met"

We could have made such beautiful (insert nature of workplace's business) music together…

and now my friends I am going home to eat the wife and shag my dinner

Dear Sir,
**** you, **** your wife and **** (insert company name).

regards etc

Gone biking

l8erz

so was this the letter?

Dear Sirs
**** You **** you, **** your wife and **** (insert company name)
and your little dog too
I regret to inform you of my resignation, owning to the time and effort I will require to enable a Mr Ngugi in the release of $60m from a Nigerian account.
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve
some people brought much pleasure to my job, some when they arrived, others when they left.
over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met
It's not me, it's you
I just can't go on living this lie
in light of forthcoming allegations regarding myself, a hotel room, a quantity of dairlylea, and a former england captain, i wish to spare the firm any valuable publicity…
I'm sorry I've gone stir crazy, I'm going over the wall.
So long and thanks for all the fish
So long farewell, auf weidersehen good-bye
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long farewell, auf weidersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you
I would like to start by saying it's been an honour & a pleasure working with you all, but I'm not going to start lying just cos I'm off up the road
You can find yourself a lover/ you can make yourself a home/ you can want no other ever/ but it's never too late to be alone
We could have made such beautiful (insert nature of workplace's business) music together…
and now my friends I am going home to eat the wife and shag my dinner
Gone biking

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. I never game much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a **** before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice………….so I'm handing in my resignation. OK?

Could we insert ",for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children" right after "I just can't go on living this lie"? 🙂

It is with great sorrow that I leave here knowing that for all my efforts you are and shall always be F****g useless. And yes it was me who "Insert Office Gossip" twice

Now that I have worked my way through all the women in the company it is time to go to pastures new. Hopefully the assorted rashes and UTI will clear up but it will leave a long-lasting memory of my time with the organisation.

I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure

i am a fish i am a fish i am a fish repeat adnausum – take to your boss

slap it on his desk , salute him and fall to the floor 😀

Could we insert ",for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children" right after "I just can't go on living this lie"?

But I don't have a brother…. ❓

so was this the letter?

So far, you lot have until Sunday to finalise it for me. I'll then tidy up (leaving in all typos, natch), print on some nice paper and sign it with a suitable substance.

what a long strange trip it's been

I w**ked hard for this company, often w**king harder than our competitors to win business. I dont grudge the time but I spent long hours w**king here and a little recognition would be nice.

… and ALL of your names are written on my penis

When I left my last job I was asked to give a leaving speech, I was a bit caught out so I just wandered up and said "I have no idea why I didn't leave years ago.". Went down pretty well I thought.