some words are valid even though you may hate them: vanilla, leverage and de-risk are good, single words which explain a thing/ action which would usually take more.
touch base, reach out, blue sky, brown fence, thought shower are all horse shit (in its literal sense)
Chat Forum
Corporatemanagementspeak - let's see your examples
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Posted 5 months ago #
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I really need to push back
Top honour goes to one of my surveyors, He slipped it in 15 times.
Do you guys know each other?
Posted 5 months ago # -
"Thought shower" because brainstorming is offensive to epileptics. Led to an epileptic colleague getting told off for being insensitive to herself.
My last boss in the bank was a bloomin genius, she told us "Don't work smarter- work harder"
Posted 5 months ago # -
I had this is a job description I had to edit for the organisation I work for recently (bear in mind this is in the third sector):
"To work with the XXX Director to further sharpen [organisation's] expression of its value added and offer in the current context."A small part of me died inside. I described it to my boss (who didn't write it btw) as 'vacuous nonsense'.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I have sent memos back with a note asking for an explanation when the gobbledegook count got too high
Posted 5 months ago # -
"I've drilled down on the raw data, and it essentially shows that you're s**t." (I've summarised the second half) The boss used that phrase in most of our appraisals.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I've also had the pleasure this last couple of weeks of learning the word 'variableize'. Sweet Jeebus.
Oh, and -ize is the original OED spelling of many words and is just as valid (in fact some, including Inspector Morse if you watch a particular episode, would argue more) valid.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I was told to 'leverage the global matrix' the other day.
anyway, this discussion is taking too long; can you take it offline?
Dave
Posted 5 months ago # -
Yeah, sorry Dave, we'll park it for now, as we need to concentrate on moving forward whilst still demonstrating our core vales.
Posted 5 months ago # -
We play "corporate jargon" hangman..
Currently it's stuck at:
c o r p o r a t e / _ a _ _ _ _
Posted 5 months ago # -
I'd venture "hive mind" as verging on the bollocksy side of things
only ever seen it here though
Posted 5 months ago # -
"We're eating our own dogfood" always makes me smile.
Posted 5 months ago # -
"It's a no brainer" I hate this.
Posted 5 months ago # -
"We're eating our own dogfood" always makes me smile.
We've given up doing that - now we "drink our own champagne". Presumably we used to just steal someone else's, so I guess it's an improvement.Posted 5 months ago # -
Life in the voluntary sector, sorry the 3rd sector, is full of the same crap we have heard from our chums in the public & private sector.
Quick wins - Do stuff quick so it looks like we are good.
Low hanging fruit - Do the easy stuff first
Heads up - Some sort of porn instructionPosted 5 months ago # -
I hate leveraging. it isn't even a word.
Having worked as a consultant for many years, I take pride in calling a "problem" a "problem". WTF does it have to be an "issue"? the only result of that is that the word issue now means problem and you can't use it for issue any more.
Sorry, rant over
Posted 5 months ago # -
"It's a no brainer"
Said by people who wouldn't be able to cope if it did involve use of the brain (and often if they did they might realise it's not as obvious as they think).
I hate leveraging. it isn't even a word.
Yes it is
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leverage_(finance)#Use_of_LanguagePosted 5 months ago # -
"leveraging", whether or not wikipedia
legitimises it is as wrong (in the opposite way) as "thanks for the invite" and "it's a big ask"
Posted 5 months ago # -
alfabus - Member
I was told to 'leverage the global matrix' the other day.
I hope you told him that it was just a film, not actually real
Posted 5 months ago # -
Unemployed? need a job? Why not become an entrepreneur
Its career of the week!
Obviously you might be thinking - being an entrepreneur isn't a career in itself is it, what does he actually do? Don't worry, he's answered that...
"What does the work involve?
There is no average working day in the life of an entrepreneur, which is one of the greatest things about it. No day is ever the same but the only thing that I can guarantee each day is that my phone will ring and emails will buzz through constantly. I think if I ran only one business things would be less manic and a lot easier, but what’s the point in doing easy? Easy is no challenge. There was no point at which I set out to become an entrepreneur. I have always had ideas in my head. Once an idea is in your head you have already started the entrepreneurial process, but the challenge is to put that idea into action and make other people see it."
Posted 5 months ago # -
Was thinking at work today (
) maybe you people who get the opportunity to use this crap should get a few bikey ones in there:"we need to change the leverage ratio towards the end or this project risks bottoming out"
"gnarly" was invented for these situations
maybe even vertical compliance but laterally rigid
consider it a challenge
Posted 5 months ago #
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