Has anyone got experience with dealing with bulimia? If someone has admitted to you that they suffer from it, is there anyway that you can help them get over it, or is it simply a case of being there for them?
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Bulimia
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Posted 2 years ago #
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Rumour has it that both Ton and Dereck Starship sucsessfully beat this terrible affliction, you could ask them maybe?
Posted 2 years ago # -
Yes. I have. My experience involves someone who came close to death after bulima related appendicitis/perotinitis(sp?). The entire period lasted about 10 years, with varying degrees of severity, until they fell in love, got married and realised that they were a loved, whole person with worth.
You might not be prepared to marry this person. But think along those lines. It helped here.Posted 2 years ago # -
You can ask if there is anything practical you can do, but often it is just a case of making sure you're there for whatever support they may need. I'm sure you probably won't, but try not to be judgemental. One of the worst feelings is seeing someone's face if they know you've been purging and it's a mixture of pity/anger/disappointment. (you might not feel confident to confide in them again either).
Very much all the bestPosted 2 years ago # -
Are you referring to a child/young person? Then has this person been to the Doctors? I would be more concerned if s/he was.
There may well be underlying emotional/psychological problems...
And yes there is professional support available, so don't ignore it! Seek this if you are genuinly concerned.
Posted 2 years ago # -
No she's not young, she's 19 and started it in her early teens,
the cause, as I guess is the case with many people was low self image, she thought she was chubby so started doing it, she then says she started to have more attention from the opposite sex, which in her mind justified doing it.I had my suspicions but she actually told me the other night, but said she is a lot better than she was, she doesn't do it every day now and when she does she only slightly purges, rather than fully (does that make sense) like she used to. She knows she has a problem and has said she's never been able to tell anyone before. She knows I am them for support and to talk about it, I just want to be able to do as much as I can to help.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Be prepared for a long haul. EDs are the hardest of all mental health issues to treat and generally the best you get is well managed rather than overcome.
Ideally find an Eating Disorder specialist - GP could get her refereed. As intense shame and self disgust is a big part of EDs, most sufferers don't ask for help. It's quite an 'honour' that she told you as I bet she hasn't told many other people.
Posted 2 years ago # -
My ex-wife had anorexia nervosa and it is an amzingly long haul to get through and even now it's still there. I met her as she was recovering and when we were going out, the fact she was with me got her through it. But she lapsed and when I confronted her about it we split. I was the enemy then even though we had a very good marriage. Her illness was started because her parents, well her dad, tried to control who she saw and didn't like this lad she was with. It's usually a thing like that that starts it but it is hereditry too so ask questions about that if you can. And please do seek professional help, it really really does help.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I am prepared for it.
I am very happy that she was able to tell me, she hasn't told any one before, she know's that her mum knows about it, but has never admitted it to her.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm in the middle of a divorce with my bulimic wife. I tried for 2 years to help/support/understand in my own limited way, but IME if the person who is suffering doesn't want to/can't face getting the help they need. there is very little that you can do to make them see sense.
FWIW, My wife also suffered in her late teens and the current re-lapse (she's 35 now) has no single cause/explanation but has nearly killed her twice. I hope you are prepared for more than I was, it can be a horrendous illness for those close to the sufferer
Posted 2 years ago # -
I suffered from severe anorexia and bulimia in the past (unusual in a male) but have been fully recovered for many years (both nearly killed me).
Eating disorders are tough things to crack but it's certainly possible. It's generally thought that eating disorders are coping mechanisms - ways of dealing with some sort of underlying distress - so that's a good place to start - if you can work out what this is there's something to work with. Counselling or some sort of talking therapy can help deal with anything that's underlying the disorder and fueling it. Equally though eating disorders can have an addictive element and be difficult to crack even when the underlying stuff has been dealt with.
Just being there is really important and can help reduce the isolation that sufferers often feel but I think that it's important too not to take on the responsibility of taking care for the person; encouraging them to seek help and supporting them when they do this can make a real difference. Take care of yourself and don't take on too much, being there for someone is really important but so too is professional help!
One thing to be aware of is that often there's real ambiguity around recovery for someone with an eating disorder and they can resist help even when really ill - this can be really frustrating but as people work towards recovery the 'coping' affects of the disorder can weaken and the things that are being 'supressed' or 'coped with' can rear up again perhaps causing the sufferer to retreat back into their eating patterns. There's likely to be a terrible dread of getting 'fat' and probably a somewhat distorted view of what that actually is, eating normally (and in bulimia stoping purging) which is an important aspect of getting well is likely to trigger this dread big time and again possible put some resistance in the way of recovery.
Having said all that, I'm no expert and have no medical training so talking to a profession is important. GPs can be a bit hit and miss depending on their experience of eating disorders, but they can be a good place to start and should be able to refer on to more specialist help. Depending on the severity of the bulimia a suffer can end up with serious (and potentially dangerous) electrolyte imbalances, so regular blood tests and having a professional to monitor health feels really important.
There are a number of charities out there that offer helplines and support groups that might help too (I work for a small local one) and again I would stress that some professional help (for both the physical and psychological aspects) is really important. Beat is the national eating disorders charity and might be worth a look.
Good luck and take care of yourself too!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I lived for eleven years with a recovering Anorexic, we split up very messily a few years ago, so please forgive me if theres a little bitterness in the way this sounds, however I love her to this day and always will - regards the AN, there were good times, and there were relapses.
Its clear that in my eye that theres one thing common to a lot of eating disorder sufferers, control (ie. when my life is not going well, theres one thing I can control, and thats food)
I cannot describe to you the pain of watching someone you love more than anything in the world torture themselves in this way - be warned! watching the mother of your kids weighing exactly thirty grammes of rice crispies into a bowl for dinner and then taking an hour to eat them is torture.
I met her psychiatrist when we both started going out together (which should have rung alarm bells) and I honestly wish, in hindsight, that I had run a mile then, rather than fall in love with her and think I could help her (like a gullible teenage romantic knight in shining armour).
I'll always, always love Dom, but to coin a phrase, it was like having three people in the relationship, me, her, and the vicious little gremlin who she was in love with and would always turn to whenever things were not going well! Even some of the the better times were permeated by the fact that everything had to be written down, and forget the spontaneity of going out for a family dinner, had to be planned ahead...
Sorry to sound really, really negative, but please don't invest too much of your time and heart unless you're properly 100% committed to this person, and don't expect not to have your heart broken...
Posted 2 years ago # -
Zulu-eleven, that sounds scarily and sadly familiar
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm beer bulimic.
Six pints and I start to throw up.
[/bad taste joke]
[/pun]*sigh*
Posted 2 years ago # -
Zulu - thanks for sharing that.
Myself I have very little time for people with these sorts of mental health issues. I find them incredibly frustrating and difficult to cope with - that my well be a character flaw in me but because of that there is no way I could cope will with being in a relationship with someone with bulimia.
My advice - think very very long and hard about what you are getting into here. Get as much information as you can about bulimia.
I am fairly sure I would have to run a mile tho for the sake of my own sanity.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Thanks a lot for the advice and sharing your experiences, I genuinely believe that she is telling the truth when she tells me she is improving, but like wise I know it is the kind of disorder which carries with it an element of deception. I will do my best to be there in a supportive role and hope that I can be there when she needs me, as some one mentioned before, being in a "good place" has a positive effect and I have noticed that, fingers crossed it continues.
Posted 2 years ago #
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