The missus has just got home from a road ride.

Coming out of Hathersage on the way up to Fox House a pair of pox ridden, fetid, gapes in a white transit* decided a) to pass close enough to her at 30+ mph to b) be able to smack her on the arse hard enough that there’s a definite hand print still present a good half hour later now she’s home.

She’s OK at the moment, although pissed off. I haven’t got angry about it (yet!) more just resigned/disappointed, which in itself speaks volumes about the relationship between riders and drivers.

She’s in the process of reporting it to the police (irritatingly it’s right on the border of S. Yorks & Derbyshire, so she has to go through the process twice).

Googling around suggests that the vehicle is insured and MOTed but not taxed…

Any ideas how I could go about tracing further info about the owners? I have a pair of old bombers, and a very full bladder can be arranged.

Be careful out there folks!

*she has the reg, but doesn’t want it broadcast here as/when it goes to court.

there’s a definite hand print still present a good half hour later

Pics?

*Not for us. For the Cops.

there’s a definite hand print still present a good half hour later now she’s home.

And you believe her story? 🙂

Tax expired end of July – surely they’ll get a visit for that anyway.

Hopefully the police will treat this as the assault that it is rather than just a “cycling thing”.

Pics taken.

Gary – that’s not exactly a helpful comment is it?

Onza – they are.

It wasn’t meant to be – see smiley

Was there any witnesses? The lack of tax should ensure a visit from the police I hope, but they might not be able to do much with the close pass & assault without another witness or some CCTV etc.

Let the police locate the culprit. What are you going to do if you find them?

Police are currently treating it as assault.

And yes, there is a photo, but Jon is not stupid enough to post it on here. Or to disbelieve me.

Bloody hell, nightmare for you Stealthcat, so pleased the police are on it, and hope they get strung up for assaulting you. Jon, totally understand your anger at this, and as tempting as it may be to resolve it alother way the police is the right option to take.

Terrible stuff. Well done for reporting it. Even if they can’t charge and can only knock on their door it sends a message that this isn’t acceptable and is reported. Plus, somewhere you’ll be a statistic.

https://www.gov.uk/request-information-from-dvla.
Hope you’re as OK as you can be. Is this a sexual assault?

Check A+E.

My mate once smacked a traffic cone at about 45mph from the window of my car.
He then turned very white. His arm was broken. 😆

There are some horrid people around. Damn right it’s sexual assault.

I hope the police get somewhere with it – keep us updated.

Hope you are okay stealthcat. There are some utter twunts out there and I hope they get the book thrown at them

Clearly a sexual assault on top of driving offences. Serious offence and expect it be dealt with accordingly.

for it to be sexual assault

A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),
(b) the touching is sexual,
(c) B does not consent to the touching, and
(d)A does not reasonably believe that B consents

would be hard to prove a “slap” on the ass is sexual.

Remind me to cup your balls next time I drive past poah 🙁
Next time it could be a cyclist who panics and ends up under the wheels. It should be treated as seriously as it can and then they might think twice about doing it again.

Exactly, akira. What a stupid thing to say, poah.

Massively twuntish behaviour. Hope a prosecution comes from this and that you’re ok stealthcat

would be hard to prove a “slap” on the ass is sexual.

You are from every workplace in the 60’s and I claim my sixpence.

I don’t know how a “slap on the ass” could be considered anything other than a sexual assault.
If he is successfully prosecuted he will be on the “register”.

would be hard to prove a “slap” on the ass is sexual.

would you do it to a child/ your MIL?

it’s sexual.

Pleased to hear that the police are taking it seriously. (best to chase up in a week or so and double check).

If you have a choice beween classing it as an assualt or as sexual assualt, I’d be looking up the conviction rates first before deciding.

would you do it to a child/ your MIL?

it’s sexual.

When I slap my wife on the ass it’s not sexual every time I do it. It’s not like touching someone’s breasts or cupping their balls.

Are you telling me when my mum spanked my bum when I was naughty that it was actually sexual?

Do you slap other people’s wives on the ass?

Are you telling me when my mum spanked my bum when I was naughty that it was actually sexual?

It is when she does it to me*. 😉

*note for the easily offended : this is a joke, albeit a tasteless one.

I doubt that’s particularly useful information when deciding how to go with a specific incident given the huge difference in levels of evidence between those two offences when looked at as groups. If this goes to court, the evidence will be the same and the victim will be the same whatever the charge is.

If you did it to a total stranger in a pub would you be surprised if you were accused of sexual assault? This is no different.

What an awful thing to happen. Hope you’re (both) ok.

Actually an easy way to judge this one: would a heterosexual bloke (one with ’70s attitudes) slap a woman on the bum? Would he slap another bloke on the bum?

Do you slap other people’s wives on the ass?

That’s not relavent to wither it’s assault or sexual assault. Are you under the impression I condone the actions of the passenger? Slapping someone is clearly assault, wrong and in this case was highly dangerous.

It is when she does it to me*

Neceophilla is illegal btw

would be hard to prove a “slap” on the ass is sexual.

I assume you are not from planet earth?

I’m struggling to conceive of how a an adult male smacking the rear of a lady not known to him and who has not provoked him could be construed as anything else frankly.

Anyway enough and arguing the specifics as this is stw and will get us nowhere. Hopefully the guy gets the book thrown at him and learns a lesson.

Ass? How is slapping someone’s donkey sexual assault?

Did you mean arse or are you American?

Should be an interesting story for the daily mail and bbc, who at the moment seem to have a thing about cyclists.

Thankfully the lady wasnt hurt by falling off, and has the reg number etc,

I know this is STW, and the OP knows this is STW, but it may not be the right thread to start a spelling pedantry contest. TBH it probably wasn’t the right thread to start a debate over what constitutes sexual assault, sorry!

Hope you are both OK.

“TBH it probably wasn’t the right thread to start a debate over what constitutes sexual assault,”

I only asked (my assumption was it is a sexual assault) as I was going to make the point, as somebody has already, the idiot who carried out this assault would be quite rightly going on the sex offender register.

Any ideas how I could go about tracing further info about the owners? I have a pair of old bombers, and a very full bladder can be arranged.

A friend ordered some bike bits recently and asked the chap in the garage if he wanted his address, chap said it was alright he’d found it off my friends car reg number. Just a thought.

In my opinion, without witnesses, there’s very little chance this will go anywhere with the police to be honest. I recently had my collar felt (wrongfully) and they told me before the interview that there were no witnesses and no evidence other than say so by the accuser so they “expected” me to deny it and that would be that. It all smacked of them not wanting to deal with it to be honest, but then maybe they knew it was a bs accusation. Also be aware if they did talk to suspects they will probably release the accusers name to them, good innit?