worst film ever …….

I’ve seen some corkers! Night shifts flyby!
The Wild Women of Wongo
Eraser Head
Plan 9 From Outer Space
The One Armed Boxer 1 and 2
Iron Sky
The Toxic Avenger
But they are so crap they are hilarious!

Jupiter Rising is the worst film I’ve seen lately, Jurassic World left me cold as well.

Cheers, Steve

Really enjoyed Jurassic World, I wasn’t expecting very much from it, but it was much better than I expected.
I’m rarely disappointed by a film, I go purely to be entertained, and I mostly am.
However, Highlander 2 really is the worst film I’ve ever seen, an execrable heap of utter garbage, that failed in every way the basic principle of a sequel; continuity.
Aliens is a superb film in its own right, and a proper sequel as well.
Wall-E is just wonderful.
Dog Soldiers was just B-Movie fun, done as well as it could be on a budget that might have bought a decent car.
I did walk out of a film once, a double-billing of Electraglide In Blue/Midnight Cowboy. Actually, there were four of us, me and a mate and our girlfriends, who were really, really not enjoying the cinematic experience provided by our local emporium.
Can’t say I was very much, either. 😐

Tree of Life with Brad Pitt is one of the worst films I have seen, particularly after a friend had said it was one of the best films he had ever seen. Two hours of my life I won’t get back 😥

Barb Wire did have one redeeming feature.

Gun’s superb cover of Word Up was in it.

Apart from that, truly awful.

I completely accept that Barb Wire was risible, badly acted, strangely-plotted (something about a retina?!), exploitative nonsense which deservedly met with no critical acclaim whatsoever. But I cannot help thinking that a film which casts a gigantic pair of tanned pneumatic norks straining against a skimpy leather corset in a leading role is not actually going to hold its own in the “Worst Film Ever” category.

🙂

Any film the relies on fake plastic norks strapped to what appears to be a cheap sex doll to distract you from how bad it is needs to be on the list. There must be a large amount of pron with better acting and plot.

Worst film ever- Alexander. Just how they thought Alexander the Great had an Irish Accent is beyond me.

Lucy.

monkeysfeet

Worst film ever- Alexander. Just how they thought Alexander the Great had an Irish Accent is beyond me.

And yet you wouldn’t bat an eyelid if they’d have had some generic british accent. Of all the things wrong with that film, accents weren’t one of them.

Lucy.

Worst film I’ve attempted to watch recently, that’s for sure. Risible.

Fifty Shades

I had blanked that one. About as sexy as watching a dinner lady whip up a vat of instant mashed potato.

Whoever said Pearl Harbour has earned a pint from me.

A truly awful film, not because it ever set out to be offensive, but the sheer laziness and ineptitude of the script and production are staggering to behold.

The faults are legion and to unpick them all will take me hours, so I’ll focus on the faux pas I found most offensive.

1) The Spitfires.

As any schoolboy will tell you, a Rolls-Royce Merlin has a unique and enchanting sound that cannot fail to draw small boys and grown men outside to point enthusiastically at the sky, jump up and down and exclaim “It’s a bloody Spitfire!“.

The wonderful, soulful sound of not one but TWO Merlin-engined fighters (the stand in for the Me 109 was a Rolls Royce powered Spanish Buchon) dogfighting over the English Channel played through a cinema sound system should be a joy to behold, right?

Wrong.

The bastards dubbed the sound of the Merlins with an Allison engine instead. As an act of Hollywood storyline savagery, it’s worse than crediting an American submarine crew with capturing an enigma machine, or giving William Wallace a mid-atlantic accent. Its aural vandalism at it’s most crass.

2) “I beg you ma-am, don’t take my wings”

Whoever committed that line to the script deserves to be gaffer taped to an office chair and repeatedly slapped around the face with a large, wet fish.

It’s bum-clenchingly embarrassing. Upon viewing the DVD, I rewound just to make sure that some tortured part of my imagination didn’t conjure that line from my subconscious, but no…even Ben Affleck looks embarrassed delivering that line.

And so he should.

Spitfires at Pearl Harbour?????

From the bit where Ben Afleck is posted to England to fight in the Battle of Britain.
It is a dreadful film that just keeps on trucking. I doubt if anyone has ever seen the end. It’s so long and so dreadfully dull I know I haven’t.

Ah sorry never seen the start of it, I have seen the end and that is a travesty 😆

Birdman – completely pointless beyond backslapping their way to Oscar nominations.

Birdman – completely pointless beyond backslapping their way to Oscar nominations.

As I live and breathe, unless you have walked on stage to the roar of a crowd and smelt the greasepaint ,darling,you will never understand 😉

Hmm, how can people list Crash, Eraserhead, Lost In Translation, which are obviously wrong, and not mention Fabulous Baker Boys, which is bad even by the standards of “films with Jeff Bridges”.

However, Highlander 2 really is the worst film I’ve ever seen, an execrable heap of utter garbage, that failed in every way the basic principle of a sequel; continuity.

Highlander II was a very troubled film. Aside from the fact that “there should have been only one,” it was dogged with problems throughout including interference from the insurance company and the country they were filming in going bust. There’s a later director’s cut (“renegade edition”) where Mulcahy tried to salvage it, turning it into a merely poor film instead of an outright car crash.

But yeah, in terms of “biggest movie disappointments,” H2 is up there with Alien 3 and Escape From LA for me.

About as sexy as watching a dinner lady whip up a vat of instant mashed potato.

I have the strangest…

Has anyone mentioned TopGun? Because that is a dreadful dreadful waste of precious time.

Battleship.

Only film I’ve contemplating walking out of. Main reason I stayed was my lift home appeared to be enjoying it.

Has anyone mentioned TopGun? Because that is a dreadful dreadful waste of precious time.

But falls into the ‘so bad it’s actually good’ field.

And also, not liking it is homophobic.

I agree entirely with PJM1974. the only good thing about Pearl Harbor was the money it put into various UK based organisations such as the Shuttleworth Trust for the hire of their aircraft and pilots.

and not mention Fabulous Baker Boys..

Er, that, my friend is bleedin obvious.

I’m going with The Fountain – great director but physics-defying in its ability to stretch time into skin-crawling tedium.

Oh and I also hated the Three Burials of something or other – some cowboy plodding around with a decomposing dead body. Puzzlingly well reviewed iirc.

EDIT:The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada – that’s the little stinker

Debbie does…

Seven.

TopGun certainly is not so bad its good. It is just an awful awful film. 😀

Anything with Tom Cruise in it. Generally a series of close profile shots with interspersed action by not Tom Cruise.

King Kong the remake one.

I have tried watching it 4 times now, and have fell asleep half way through on all 4 occasions.
The wife wasn’t impressed when I fell asleep through it the first time (we was dating then) – so she put me through it again, and again, and again – just to prove a theory.
It’s crap.

I LOVED TopGun when I was a kid, I rember Tom and ER going upside down and giving the Mig ‘the bird’, unauthorised fly-bys, F14 barrell rolls with ‘smoke’ pouring off the fins at the back, fatal tailspins, classified battles over stricken ships, several scenes which were actually in Iron Eagle, GPZ Turbos and 80’s soft-rock, credits – END.

Watched it again in my 20’s and some shit had added in soft core homoerotic porn, piss poor karaoke and soft focus Mills & Boon love scenes.

It’s a bit crap though, first in a series of Tom Cruise films which all have the same story bar his occupation and because of that it can’t be the worst film in the world, because ‘Cocktail’ exists.

This thread demonstrates (amongst many other things) that:

– people like very different things;
– most of the films we all actually see aren’t that bad;
– a hyped or big-budget film that isn’t amazing is easily rounded down to “worst film in cinema history”;
– loads of people blatantly watch things they’re too tired to concentrate on, and blame the film if they nod off. This leads to films without explosions getting a pass.

🙂

This thread demonstrates (amongst many other things) that:

– people like very different things;
– most of the films we all actually see aren’t that bad;
– a hyped or big-budget film that isn’t amazing is easily rounded down to “worst film in cinema history”;
– loads of people blatantly watch things they’re too tired to concentrate on, and blame the film if they nod off. This leads to films without explosions getting a pass.

And that people can’t tell a bad film from one they didn’t enjoy.

And that people can’t tell a bad film from one they didn’t enjoy.

Oooh. Hark at he! Went to film school did we?

😉

Especially for Three Fish …. This weeks Guardian film of the week sounds like the perfect way to shoot down my theory that all they recomend is pretentious twoddle.

It’s 3 hours long. It’s in black and white. It’s Russian. I doubt it contains any exploding helicopters.

Sounds great! 😀

If you could do us a review……?

Inbetweeners 2. Been out for a while but I have just got around to seeing it. Well, 20 minutes of it anyway, couldn’t handle anymore. Loved the series and the first film, the 2nd was just unbearable.

watched some crap last night, well started to watch , about vampires in NZ, a mockumentary. switched it off after 5 mins and cant even remember the name

Especially for Three Fish …. This weeks Guardian film of the week sounds like the perfect way to shoot down my theory that all they recomend is pretentious twoddle.

As a rule, I don’t read reviews; I’d rather watch something with an open mind and clear from influence. Thanks, though, the trailer looks interesting – I’ll see if I can find it to watch. I suspect it would be much more instructive for all if you wrote a review yourself. It’s written by the brothers who wrote the work that Andrei Tarkovsky’s ‘Stalker‘ was based upon, so should at least have an impressive foundation.

There is some outstanding cinema from Russia. I recently watched ‘The Belovs‘, a documentary by Victor Kossakovsky. It’s about a brother and sister who live together on a farm somewhere in rural Russia. He is a drunkard with a tendency for ‘philosophical’ outbursts; she does practically everything needed to keep the place going. In the scene below, the sister listens to the film-maker’s audio recording of an earlier argument between the two siblings. Not in the least bit pretentious; quite the opposite, on fact.

I would right a review, if it weren’t for the fact that I’d rather remove my own kidneys with a teaspoon than sit through 3 hours of that. Sorry. Life’s really just too short. The Premiership starts tomorrow. And that’s two matches!

My comment on guardian five star reviews still stands. Those bastards owe me some time!

just tried to watch 44 inch chest starring Ray Winstone as Ray Winstone, Ian McShane as Ian McShane and John Hurt as somebody who swears even more than John Hurt. Gave up after an hour in favour of walking the dog.

I would right [sic] a review, if it weren’t for the fact that I’d rather remove my own kidneys with a teaspoon than sit through 3 hours of that. Sorry. Life’s really just too short.

I suspect that the length of the film wouldn’t be the primary obstacle to your producing a worthwhile review.

If you buy the popcorn I’ll meet you at ‘Home’ tomorrow then. We can pen a joint review over lattes afterwards.

I won’t take anything sharp. Stops me self harming. Though I can’t promise I won’t start rocking back and too, gently sobbing