I’ve resisted it for ages, just do the polite thing and ask them to remove me from their database etc etc which quite clearly they don’t so after days of getting at least two a day on the landline I had my first bit of reverse annoyance fun…..kept them going for nearly four minutes and even managed to get another call handler but she eventually cut me off 😆 I was wondering how much their call cost them from Dehli for those four minutes?
So more tails of your cold caller wind ups required for my use required. (I used the amnesia and deaf from the accident ones today).

Get the Meerkat app – have had so much fun with that one in the past!!

I’ll check it out 😆

doesn’t count as a wind up until you can hear the tears of frustration 🙂

I’ve had them a couple of times, managed to get 3 different “staff” trying to help. I channelled my mother for computer ineptness. (turning it off instead of something else, slow to boot, typing url wrongly etc). Kept ’em going for 45 mins before I got bored and deliberately cut myself off trying to reboot my router.
The first time they asked me to boot up my pc and I said it’ll take me about 20 mins to get to the PC. They hung up when I explained that we’d moved that day and the PC was still at the old house…..

i usually start talking to them, then go knock on our door and say “excuse me someones at the door, ill just be a minute”, then leave the phone on the side where i can still hear them squeaking hello? hello? from time to time.
bit boring but im hoping this thread gives me some better ideas 🙂

Don’t forget to learn the “secret Sergei mode” 😉

I once convinced one that I had custard induced amnesia.

Twenty five minutes or so later he hung up.

I’m dead boring. they’ll say, ‘Is that/could I speak to Mr G…..please’ & I say, ‘hang on, I’ll just get him’, then put the phone on top of the radio with some music on. 🙄

On our phone they show up as unavailable on the caller ID. Unfortunately calls from Birgits family in Germany also show as unavailable. So now I just answer all “unavailable” calls in German. If it is Dehli calling I just carry on shouting and swearing in German until they get bored. 🙂

It amuses me

The kids are now trained to say ‘I’m just getting dad…’

They then lay the phone on windowsill without hanging up…

And carry on with what they were doing.

I had one of those calls yesterday, at 7.30am! Worried that it might be a family issue, (a couple of my dad’s family are not at all well), I was just going to brush my teeth before heading off to work, and the phone rang downstairs, so I rushed down to answer it. There was a pause after I picked it up, then there was a typically non-English voice, who said he had an urgent message. At 7.30 in the morning, I said, it had better be urgent! Yes, he said, I have urgent news about your computer. I knew what he was going to say, the lying scumbag, so I said “oh, off!” and hung up.
I have zero tolerance for these scam artists, especially at that time of the bloody morning!

Mine are persistent PPI or Crash Claims, not had any computer scammers…..yet 😆

CFH, you should have told them you had custard induced ambrosia. 8)

Custard induced Ambrosia- I like that.

I have my VM ready and waiting, really wish they’d give me a call…

Keep asking them where your curry is, youve been waiting for 3 hours for it,

For the accident ones, shout loudly WHOS HAD AN ACCIDENT, oh god i knew it, are they ok, which hospital are they at, are they ok and keep repeating.

We had John from Windows technical support on not long ago.
Played along with him for a good ten minutes before asking him how my MacBook was sending him information.
Asked me if I was an idiot that likes wasting people’s time.

Microsoft called me the other day to tell me my Microsoft licence wasn’t valid.

I just asked how much he wanted to give it and it didn’t sound like he was calling from America,sounded more like India.

He said he needed control of my computer to check my Microsoft licence so I said I’m on umbuntu. He didn’t know what that was and would I let him access my Pc. Told him I don’t have one, I only have a tablet and it’s not working.

He insisted my licence was not valid and that it would become unusable so I just said to delete it as it’s shit anyway and it doesn’t work on my Kindle.

He hung up.

Well to be fair, neither do I – is it a fruit drink related thing?

One of those things they drink in the Congo?

Accident claims are my favourite, typically goes like this…(this is the short version)
Hello sir, we heard about your accident.
What accident? Oh that? I didn’t think you could claim for that.
No sir, you can claim for any accident.
But she only caught it slightly with her teeth
Pardon sir?
She got my old fella with her teeth a little.
Pardon sir?
Can I claim then????

Dear Sir there is an issue with your Windows…

I hope not, it’s brand new double glazing…..

I do have fun keeping them going then the penny drops I’m on a Mac.

I do enjoy them calling and when one asked me a question I said can I ask you a question now along the lines of –

me – my turn to ask you a question
him – ok
me – good news it is your turn to win a prize, what would you like?
him – what?
me – what prize would you like to win?
him – what i do not understand?
me – you asked me a question so now I am asking you a question, what prize would you like to win?
him – what i do not understand?
me – ok twix or mars bar
him – what is twix or mars bar?
me – your prize, which one twix or mars bar?
him – what are you meaning sir?
me – twix or mars bar?
him – sorry sir I do not understand?
me – your are very lucky man you have won mars bar?
him – what is mars bar?
me – your prize, bye bye

The end.

Another one rand I told him i was not going to listen to him and did no want to talk to him. He said I was being rude so I said am being rude now “sod off” and put the phone down so 2 minutes later he rang back and said he was being rude and put the phone down on me! Top man he deserved a pay rise!

Custard induced Ambrosia.

Superb. I shall be using that!

Another to weed them out with is, “Do you agree that Tendulkar was rubbish? ”

I’m definitely going to use some of these lines 😆

Them :Hello have you had an accident recently.
Me :Well sort of yes, I intend to have one tonight.
T: I’m sorry sir I don’t quite understand
M: well I’ve heard on the grapevine the wife is having an affair so I’m going to have a crash with her in the car tonight, and I’ve fiddled with her seatbelt if you know what I mean.
T: beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
😆

I told the cold caller who asked about my accident that ‘I was an accident’ – at least that was what my parents had said. Where was the accident he said? Told him I couldn’t remember although probably most likely in the bedroom. Took him a full 10mins for him to realise that I was winding him up. Accused me of wasting his time and then promptly hung up! 🙄

A couple of my friends (not me) wind the female callers up by talking a bit ‘fruity’ with them and asking them what underwear they have on etc
That usually gets them off the line.

A work colleague recently hit a pheasant in his company car and had just had it repaired when he got a cold call from an accident claim person
He kept them going for about 10 minutes giving them details about a whiplash claim, for someone called ‘Pete’
Eventually it transpired Pete was the pheasant, half the office that could overhear his side of the conversation where in stitches
I suspect Pete suffered more than a bit of whiplash

with the accident calls i just tell them that I’ve lost both arms and legs. then ask them how much money will i receive? the phone normally goes dead then.

I ask how they got the number as we don’t have a phone. That confuses them for a good while. Also pretended to be a Police Station the other day, they hung up pretty quickly after first apologising lots. Is it just us or have the amount of calls really ramped up lately, Saturdays seem particularly bad.

Me – “Hello”
Them – Beginning of PPI/Computer/Accident bullshit
Me – “This is a government number. How did you get it?” Turn head to one side and loudly shout ” Trace on line 5, put a trace on line 5”

They normally hang up.

Or my personal favourite of simply saying in a whisper as soon as you pick up phone

”its done, but there’s a lot of blood. What shall I do with the body?”

Normally hanging up quickly occurs.

When they ask for me I just say “Oh, I’m sorry. You can’t have heard. He died just last week! Gould you please remove his name from your list?”

Our office phones went mental over lunchtime in early January – computer dialler was obviously working its way through all the desk extension numbers (Accident calls from India).

People tried various tactics from deadly serious to winding them up – nobody managed more than a couple of minutes before they hung up on us. I almost managed to get two of them talking to each other across a pair of handsets 🙂

30 minutes of chaos then not had it again since.

I spent around 10 minutes with a man who called the office to try to sell us a phone system. I just kept saying that we didn’t have any telephones, in fact I didn’t even know what one was.

Rick rolling them by reading out the lyrics to “never gonna give you up” until they get bored and hang up.

Colleague of mine apparently has a very fithly sister according to one accident claim person he wound up.

My fave:

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttrzG5F4R3o[/video]

🙂 ^^^^ Saves me having to use my Google Fu to find it

When they call and say I’m calling about the accident your were in I say “brilliant, which one. I’ve been waiting for a call”. They think they’re onto a winner! I then just lead them on and on, sometimes I hang up or sometimes start to say…”hello…hello…oh there’s no one ther” and hang up whilst I can hear them desperately trying to get me to hear them. Good fun, wastes their time, makes me smile 🙂