[Closed] Who will rid me of this turbulent... rat?

If you're near Malvern I can bring the boys round. Next door said there was always an issue with rats until we moved in and our two cats chased/ate them away.

The younger one is a right dickhead so I can leave him with you for a while to make sure the rat doesn't come back.

If you cant ignore it then get an air rifle. Learn to shoot, this will take some time, I would say when you can hit a 5p piece at 6m and a 2p piece at 10m every time then you are ready to shoot the rat. If your garden is bigger than that I don't think a sub 12ftlb rifle is suitable.

If you think it really is only one rat then getting someone else to do the job is probably a better bet or ignore it and see what happens.

Like grey squirrels, rats are non-native so it is illegal to release them (ie if you have caught them in a live trap).

Furthermore rats will predate on birds nests and other smaller native rodents etc so they aren’t great to have around if you’re at all bothered by wildlife and even worse releasing them elsewhere. If you live trap one you can shoot it in the trap.

Poison is indiscriminate.

Not true actually, brown rats have been here long enough now that they can be considered 'normally resident'. Black rats cannot be released by law.

You still can't live trap and release anything if doing so may cause it suffering.

Wildlife and countryside act

Just stop putting out bird food for a while.

Nobody would be asking these questions if it was an infestation of kittens

I have a python and no scruples!

(can I drop my teenage daughter off 20 miles away?)

You can but some passing teenage lothario in a souped up Corsa will bring her back, eventually!

Problem solved; after the state she left the kitchen in last night I've drowned her in a bucket.

(can I drop my teenage daughter off 20 miles away?)

If she's anything like the teenagers I know, just turn off the WiFi. She'll move on to a more suitable habitat soon enough.

I’ve drowned her in a bucket.

Tough love is the best love!

Surely by trapping and relocating you are just giving some other poor sod your problem?
Careful if you do try this. My Dad was rehoming a mouse they trapped in their cellar. Was driving along in his beat up old A4 glanced in the mirror to see said mouse sat on the top of the back seats having a wash. The trap had come apart, he spent three days trying to catch the mouse in his car before it ate through the seats snd loom.

Learning to shoot after buying a gun? Good nature a24 much cheaper and quicker.

Less use when the zombie hordes come shuffling over the hill though.

Less use when the zombie hordes come shuffling over the hill though.

Bit harsh, some of them are still quite spritely and the more infirm will be following the converted landrover in cars anyway.....

I’m amazed WCA hasn’t turned up with some elaborate device yet...

I’m amazed WCA hasn’t turned up with some elaborate device yet…

Given how he checked the last one over when he'd finished I'm not.

Just stop putting out bird food for a while.

Is the correct answer. However the OP is too stubborn for this. Why should I?

And so, you must live with the rat. And practise stoicism.

We could stop feeding the birds but that gives us an enormous sense of well-being

PARKLIFE!

And so, you must live with the rat. And practise stoicism.

Which is a virtue. Rat has enlightened you.

What’s needed is an S410

Mix a couple of rushed paracetomol tablets in some peanut butter and put it where the rat runs. Much cheaper and far quicker to do than buying a gun and learning to shoot.

Is the rat deleted yet ?

The younger one is a right dickhead so I can leave him with you for a while to make sure the rat doesn’t come back.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What an absolutely hilarious way to describe a cat.

OP could get a cat maybe (the bird feeder might have to go as it would become a cat feeder) although looking at the prices of cats recently (Mrs OS and the kids want one) it would be cheaper to move house.

Does the OP know anyone who keeps ferrets? Borrow one for a day, or alternatively get some ferret poo from them and spread it around, watch the rat depart with its suitcase in hand.

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What’s needed is an S410

It’s got a built in manometer - so you can confirm how tough you are when killing small furry animals at a safe distance, presumably.

although looking at the prices of cats recently (Mrs OS and the kids want one) it would be cheaper to move house

I'm sure the RSPCA and Cats Protection charge the same adoption fee they always have.

I’m sure the RSPCA and Cats Protection charge the same adoption fee they always have.

Except they haven't got any - hence the price hikes elsewhere I guess. £500 for a kitten... 😮

My guess is that like Christmas pets, once everyone is back at work and the novelty wears off, there will be plenty in the RSPCA so we will wait.

As one or two people have said, the advantage in ratproofing the bird feeder, tidying up the garden, filling holes & generally making the place the equivalent of a Ballardian wasteland for ratty, is that not only does Mr or Ms Tuft piss off elsewhere, but you don't then get their cousins moving in.
If on the other hand the attractions are still there, the vermin will be too...

Btw am I the only one wondering if dyna-ti managed to escape the mOuse Issue somehow? #nosy