I lost my boyfriend to a drink driver this summer. Getting behind the wheel whilst drunk is such a selfish thing to do, not only did David lose his future, but I lost mine. I don’t know what would work with her but if her being able to see the devastation that it can have on a family then I’d be happy to help and can send you links/letter etc.

🙁 to Ron and t-b

Thread ends here…. you know what you have to do.

Recently a colleague of mine in a very successful career drank and drive. Just the once to my knowledge, but she had been in pub all afternoon and evening at a works leaving do. Despite leaving her car in the secure car park (obviously intending to leave it there all night) she was seen on CCTV stumbling over to it. Fell asleep at wheel before setting off, didn’t turn lights on.

Killed a pensioner within a few hundred yards, drove on. Got stopped by Police for having no lights on, woke up in the nick the next morning to be charged with death by dangerous driving.

Five year sentence, family without a grandad/dad.

I feel for you, it’s such a horrible place to be. Me and my mum had to deal with it when I was growing up and it wasn’t a nice thing to have to do. The hardest part is getting through to them! You’re going to really need to try every different way you can think of that will get it into their head, police threats, be emotional, etc… Maybe you’ll get lucky! The thing is, normally as soon as they have the first drink everything you’ve said or done is gone. Although it was easier for us to control as it happened in our household!

take her to a cemetry and explain she might end up here and maybe with someone else if she carrys on the way she is, i would get the police to go round and give her a wake up call.
life is for having fun and enjoying your self.

The thing is, normally as soon as they have the first drink everything you’ve said or done is gone.

This ^^ Logic and guilt trips won’t work. If she is an alcoholic she needs treatment.

If you don’t do something and she crashes or kills someone it won’t be your fault, but you’ll wonder if you could have done more to stop it.

Lowey is spot on. She’s so wrapped up within her selfish mindset nothing will stop her at this stage.

TBH, you’ve tried. Its insulting you as she’s obviously not that drunk (otherwise she would have hit something by now).

Go to her local station, ask to speak to traffic. Give them a description, reg etc and she’ll be hilighted at least.

Also she’s no friend of yours. Driving over the limit is a very selfish reaction of a lazy person.

When my dad died I lost a stone, drank A LOT every night but still managed to walk or get a taxi. Don’t explain away someones actions as sort of devolved from responsibility to others.

I had a friend like this. He knew how much it pissed me off. One day he told me about waking up in the fast lane after a heavy night out to be surprised by the wheel in his hands. I did the above. **** all happened as shortly after he went to work overseas.

A friend of mine ,a reformed alcoholic said that no one can help you unless you admit to your problem and seek help yourself

er, if their job relies on them driving then the employer has a right to know also, they may well be pissed driving on company business (they will tell you they don’t drink at work but I wouldn’t believe them given what you’ve said so far) so there are corporate liability issues here

appreciate this is a tough thing to do; good luck with it

Tyred biker, condolences and I think your post is a clear example of the result of non action in the OP’s case, knowing that there will almost inevitably be repeat circumstances.

What I may do might go like (though it sounds like this has been tried):
Lucid moment, explain what I know, the facts and what it is doing to me, as well as consequences to all parties and others. Front them up.
Open opportunity to discuss current situation and need for drinking. Statement that driving will not be an option from now. I withdraw that option. Keys, police, whatever.
Conversation when lucid, continue drinking and consequences, stop and benefits.
First tenuous steps, or get professional help in….. and as Bazzer posted, stick in with it, good days or bad.

Very easy to say this on a forum but appreciate its not that simple in practice.

But basically, I would do whatever it needed to get her off the road but help her work if she is still holding that together…

Our local police are pretty good and may be up for a chat, cant say about yours though.

Hope it works out… but get her away from potentially harming others with the car…

Next time she is passed out steal her car keys and hide them.

She is probably driving drunk all the time if she has that much of a problem.

Better that rock bottom for her is loosing her job rather than killing some people with her car.

For an alky, you have to hit “rock bottom” before you realise you need to get help and make a change. But until then it’s extremely painful for friends and family to watch someone destroying themselves. Losing her car, and possibly job, might be enough to do it.

Good luck.

Take the wheels off her car, if she’s sober enough to put them back on then she’s probably sober enough to drive. 😀

…Tell the police…….i’ts all you can do if she won’t admit she has a problem. She may loose her licence and her job, but at least nobody will get hurt. This could save her too as it may prompt her to get help.

A drunk driver did this to our family car:

Head on crash with her doing between 60-80mph (in a 30 zone). Turns out seatbelts do save lives, our family (me, my husband and 2 little ones) survived, she never left her car that day…

The grey car behind the motorbike was hers…

….Again, tell the police………

I’m wanting to call police-I’d have done it already but its causing friction between me and my wife (its her friend). Wife comes from a social services background is wanting to help and trying everything she can before calling police, to me though its beyond that-she needs to be in a program ASAP and carless. Her parents are pussy footing around as well-baby sitting her trying to spend time with her but as soon as they leave her alone for 5mins then the bottle is out.

RNP, its pretty far gone, keys away, disable the car, police tipped off. Failing getting the keys, police through the crimestoppers line. Include the time of her regular journey to work if you wish….

Take the consequence of some angry but still alive relatives. Deal with that later.

As I said, hope it works out…

Another poster here who lost a friend and almost a brother to a habitual drink driver. Call the cops, or kill with an axe and bury in a slurry pit, whichever is easiest.

With some people there’s just nothing you can do. I had a mate who got more racist and racist as the years when by, until I finally had enough of his nonsense(after telling him to cut it out for years). I just stopped being friends with him.

Some people you just have to cut loose, maybe they’ll get the message that. I doubt it mind, but there ye go, not a great deal you can do..

RNP as I said in my post it’s not her life she will ruin, and as tyredbiker will agree, nothing prepares you for that knock on the door, let me put it another way, people die everyday, now ask yourself how would you feel if someone you loved was suddenly not there anymore? I had to tell my mother, when she woke from her hospital induced coma that the man she loved was dead, something I could not wish on anyone. One of my few regrets is never being able to say goodbye to my father or tell him just how much he inspired me and I loved him.

Insist that she have one of these installed or your going to report to the police.
Her call then and you’ve done your duty.

Not sure about Britain but serial drink drive offenders in Australia get court orders to have these installed after a period of license suspension.

We paid to have one installed on my brothers car when we found he was driving over the limit.

One other thing I can’t see mentioned above – is she known to be an alcoholic? Does her doctor know? If s/he does then there’s a potential avenue here. The actual process is complicated in that the person themselves needs to tell the DVLA, but if they won’t then their doctor can (is obliged to). This should trigger DVLA action.

Edit: if their GP doesn’t know then there is no problem changing that…

Rusty nissan praire, so she is a freind of your wifes, what happens if she kills your wife,she would be no freind then.

Drunk drivers are like giving a loaded gun to a monkey, somebody is going to get hurt.

Report her to crimestoppers.Its your duty.

Send me her details via email and I will make the call, if you want?
Can you not do it through Crmestoppers?

Nothing you can do will ever stop her. Report her, she will hate you for it until she’s clean, if she can ever get there.