[puts down breakfast]

No.4 and Tanner’s brown according to the Farrow and Ball paint chart.

It might have taken it a little more seriously if it didn’t use the word “poop” in the article. Im not a 3 year old American thank you!

<giggles> Poop! <giggles>

“We know a song about this, don’t we children?

Red and Yellow and Green and Blue, I can poo a rainbow, poo a rainbow, poo along with me”

Thats all well and good, but on more than one occasion I’ve managed a ‘type 8’.

Red poop can also be a sign that you didn’t parboil the beetroots before you roasted them. I’d pretty much written my will before I remembered what I’d had for dinner the night before.

I’d pretty much written my will before I remembered what I’d had for dinner the night before.

Every time I have the bloomin’ things I panic the following day 🙂

This thread is useless fine without pics.

My stomach reacts very fast to bad/unhygienic food. often within about 20 minutes.

In most cases there then follow a schedule of 3 visits to the crapper where each visit moves further down that scale, and probably past it so on the last visit I am not sure which button I am should press to flush the loo…

Once had a marbled effect poo after reading festival where the state of the facilities warranted holding on to it till I got home. Was like giving birth.

The second half of that is the Bristol Stool Chart.

Years ago, I found myself drinking in “Quark’s Bar,” a Star Trek themed bar in Las Vegas (don’t hate me, it was the cheapest place to drink) (also, pretty cool).

They served “Trillian Ale” or some such, basically lager laced with blue food colouring. I managed to sink a heroic amount of the stuff. The following morning I went for my daily ablutions, went to the loo, turned to flush and was met with a high-vis fluorescent green Richard winking back at me. That woke me up pretty quickly, you probably heard the screams.

Type 9 – Picolax Poop

Runs clear at a pressure of 40 bar and a flow rate exceeding 25000 litres per hour.

Type 10 – Middle Class Whiny Cockbag Poop.

Doesn’t stink. Everyone else’s does though…. but not yours.

Type 11 – Royal Poop.

Extremely rare. Fabled to be gold and glittery. May contain unicorn bones.

Type 12 – Magneto Dog Poop

May contain Nuts…… and Bolts….and Spoons and that.

Type 13 – “The Ghostie”

No-one really knows what it looks like. Slides out and disappears around the s-bend without so much as a splash. Leaves no trace. Strangely disappointing.

Well generally I’m a milk chocolate ice-cream kinda guy. Though apparently sometimes I’m sitting on a cracked stool.

Oh and yes to the beetroot thing.

Needs a guinness category

Years ago, I found myself drinking in “Quark’s Bar,” a Star Trek themed bar in Las Vegas (don’t hate me, it was the cheapest place to drink) (also, pretty cool).

Yeah, Sheldon. Whatever. 😀

RAL 8014

Most informative, thank you, not what I was expecting but more useful.

Types 9-13 much more amusing!

Must be a Big Hitter Poop as well. Your definitions would be…..?

Big hitter poo:

absolutely will not flush until you admit you were wrong

Type 14 – “The Big Hitter”

May only be deposited in a white pan with an Audi sticker. Perfectly formed. Burns with a comforting orange flame when dried, stacked and properly seasoned in a custom built “log” store. Makes yer woodburner come alive.

This thread contains all that I have come to expect from the OP.

Beware beetroot crisps as well. I was also concerned until I figured it out.

Think I’ve had all of those at some point 😀

As for black or very dark, I’ve worked out red wine also does this. Stop with the wine, back to normal colour (well the wine is regular so maybe that’s normal colour 😀 ).

At this stage I of course have to mention http://www.ratemypoo.com/ 😀

(probably NSFW – at least in that your boss probably doesn’t want to see pictures of people’s poo).

I judge my stools by the number of flushes they take. F numbers 1 to 5. Once passed F5, its classed as a DNF (did not flush) and the toilet is deemed blocked.