Stand tall, mountain bikers of the UK. Place your hands over your hearts – or press them firmly onto any bleeding wounds – and pledge your allegiance …

By stwhannah

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We Pledge Our Allegiance To… 10 Alternative Oaths For Mountain Bikers

I swear to always carry Haribo and give them generously to my riding companions. So help me Hannah (and Chipps).

I pledge to always leap up and check the bike over before self. If unable to leap up, riding buddy shall affirm bike is OK before I can start self-care.

I promise to stop at least once every ride, breathe deeply and take notice of nature.

I promise to always ask people at the side of the trail if they’re OK and have everything they need, if it looks like they need a hand.

Ah, that reminds me, I pledge to get an 8mm Allen key for my tool roll. Couldn’t assist a bloke with a loose crank arm the other day as that cheap Topeak tool that we all bought a few months back has 6 and 10mm only. Strange omission, I suspect 8mm is far more commonly needed than 10.

Strange omission, I suspect 8mm is far more commonly needed than 10.

I’m sure you just pull off the 10mm hex and there is an 8mm underneath.

I promise to scream STRAVA!!! as I bear down on groups of walkers, so that as they scatter into trailside brambles, nettles and dog eggs, they know that their sacrifice to the gods of the KOM is worthy.

I’m sure you just pull off the 10mm hex and there is an 8mm underneath.

Boom, there it is! I can’t believe I’d not noticed this, especially as the older version I had also had a removable 10mm bit. 🙄

I promise not to be late for rides with my mates, and then spend half an hour faffing…