I forgot Surprise Hill, which is the one that makes you work really hard, then when it’s almost over you turn the final corner and the hill not only continues, it seems to turn vertical – not a nice surprise when you’re already blowing out of your arse

Dels Stump.

I don’t know who del was or where the stump was either.

Del was the manager in Ralphies (Ralph Colman Cycles) a few years ago (the first Derek not the second) he clipped the stump and fell off breaking his collar bone. The forestry people did some harvesting and trashed the original Dels Stump route.

Paula’s Back Passage was an amusing one where I used to ride, until Paula discovered her name being used in vain. 😕

We have one in Wyre Forest known as “The Titty Track” to a few, but Camber to most.

Whilst riding it one day we stumbled across a photographer doing nude photo shoot with some rather attractive young ladies.

One on our regular loop originally known as ‘Speeder Chase’ after the Star Wars scene, but now known as ‘Proper Bo’, because that’s what’s spraypainted on a tree at the start of it.

Washing machine and whipper snapper hidden away in the woods around BYC I built then too. Then there’s pink sick bear after a family carpulled into a lay by on the a5 with a child giving projectile vomit leaving a pink bear behind. The bear sat in the lay by for a while getting washed in the rain he now sits on a stump at the top of the trail named pink sick bear.

A heartfelt plea to whoever set up the ‘Telegraph Row’ Strava segments on Holmbury Hill:

that trail is called Telegraph Road. The theme for our old trails is song titles, yeah? (A long time ago, came a man on a track, walking thirty miles with a pack on his back …)

(could you rename them, pretty please)

Clint Eastwood….as for ages it was the trail with no name.
The Flint Terror as very, very fast and lots of tyre shredding flints.
Poo Hill, so named by Mrs Ming as it was covered in sheep poo and went on for far too long resulting in much swearing at me by Mrs M.

Ex girlfriend alley
I made it through the mop without spending a penny ya robbing gits!

Couple of short running ones local to me. Given the offroad trail names here, the wits are all on trainers or road bikes….

Carnivorous Bum Slug in La Rossiere is my fav name, and easily one of my favourite trails.

“Brap Ya Mum’

The phrase is randomly sprayed on a huge rock halfway down the trail.

Only named within our riding group of the early nineties was ‘man/boy hill’ It was a loose, chalky, steep hill in the Chilterns with a fence to your right and prickly bushes to your left. The naming was simple, make it up without dabbing and you will be a man my son.