Do not buy a roadbike to commute to work to save money, and then never try it out before your first actual commute, or within 100 meters of the ride you will start staring at the handlebars trying to work out how the blinking flip the shifters work and why you seem to be missing a gear lever, and ram a parked car and do so much damage to the car that you negate any petrol savings you would have made for about three years.

when taking your mates down an evil trail which you know and they dont, always point out the worst lines and say 'its the only way to do it'.

even better if you have a camera handy!

once they are bleeding and demoralised with their bikes in the creek below, ride the proper line with the excuse 'i just went with it'.

(multiple crashes on parkin clough yesterday content)

Don't wait until the day of doing the sdw 100 miler to try bib shorts for the 1st time only to discover 13 hours later you're wearing them the wrong way round hence constant overheating during the ride and a sore groin…

when riding a raleigh chopper, don't look down at the gearstick when pedalling uphill

you will ride into the back of a very solid morris minor

almost forgot

when trimming gear cable with wire snips, don't turn the cable so thats its pointing directly at your eye

otherwise you will spend a full afternoon at the eye hospital having a doctor jabbing around with a needle trying to get all the shit out

Never try to cut the steerer to size on a new set of forks whilst in the grip of a raging hangover – apparently steerer tubes need to extend past the top of the headset to work properly…. 😳

if you have a slow puncture in a tyre just pump it up before each ride and you will be puncture free.

Don't bother replacing the tube as the chances of getting two punctures in the same tube are far less…

if someone breaks in to your home own them with some bombers

If you hear something metallic bouncing off your frame, it probably is, and it probably should still be attached to the bike. 😥

Always carry a chain tool and some spare chain when you're singlespeeding.

It is very, very difficult to jump doubles on a fixie. Probably best to not even try.

Lycra shreds real easy when it touches tarmac and you're moving quickly, it might be a good idea for it not to be the only thing covering your genitals.

If you're starting track riding, do not go out and buy some expensive new shorts before you've had your first big fall.