Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

Similarly, verbing nouns.

“Inbox me.” WTAF are you talking about? When you visit someone in person do you door them? Pillock.

Similarly, verbing nouns.

Like the word “verbing”?

Like the word “verbing”?

Whoosh!

Whoosh

Well perhaps not. The point being that verbing itself is a well established verb converted from a noun; it’s a good example of many English words(such as table a motion or liquify some wax) that started as nouns and later became verbs too. So if it’s acceptable to use verbing then there is nothing wrong with other verbed nouns, like inbox.

Perhaps what Cougar really objects to is neologisms; in which case he won’t be Googling anything.

accountants

Technology not working exactly as intended.

Case study: there’s a hipstery food court-type place here called Edinburgh Street Food which has an app ordering system rather than a traditional order point as there are so many vendors. In theory it works spotlessly and saves a lot of time…EXCEPT: The mobile signal inside is so terrible and so is the wifi because it is always so busy. It can take about 10 minutes to navigate through the website to actually put your order in because of so much loading.

I am usually twice as hungry from seething with rage by the time I manage – even though I am not in a rush by design of me being in there to have a good time and a nice meal.

Alternatively: The screw part that connects the jetboil cup to the stove. Several times the thing has nearly ended up being booted off the hill whilst I faff to get it aligned properly. That’s definitely a me problem.

Apart from that I don’t have anger issues..!

Well perhaps not.

Honestly, that hadn’t occurred to me and it’s a good catch. It wasn’t intentional (for once), I shall of course flagellate myself forthwith.

Perhaps what Cougar really objects to is neologisms

Not really. I’m comfortable with googling (small ‘g’) using Google (big ‘g’) or Bing (still shit). Language evolves. I’m 52 and “yeet” has entered my vocabulary, I think it’s a glorious word. (Hey, check me out, being on fleek.) But “inbox me” just grates, perhaps because it’s both nonsensical and redundant.

Technology not working exactly as intended.

This is also my own fault but,

I have the smart dining room lights configured as “dining room rose” (as in ceiling rose as opposed to the other lights). Nine times out of ten “Alexa, dining room rose on” will turn on the lights. The other, it’ll turn everything pink.

Hey, check me out, being on fleek.

Sadly, I suspect that now that the likes of us have cottoned on to “on fleek”, using “on fleek” is no longer on fleek. So to speak.

Using the term “cockpit” for the handlebar area of a bicycle. It’s most commonly used in bike test articles referring to a “tidy cockpit”  what does that even mean? It quite often results in me a) swearing, sometimes out loud and, b) not bothering to read the rest of the article.

Sadly, I suspect that now that the likes of us have cottoned on to “on fleek”, using “on fleek” is no longer on fleek. So to speak.

I don’t doubt it. But I still say “cool and groovy” and that was off fleek before I was born.

Almost everything these days but then I am very old (or certainly feel that way sometimes)

The other, it’ll turn everything pink.

That’s just the red mist descending due to technology getting it wrong!

Almost everything these days but then I am very old

I’m old, but ‘the youth’ having slang that I don’t get is precisely how it should work. I refuse to get old and grumpy [like our parents] about youth culture that I don’t understand. I mean I don’t get why all the young girls are wearing ‘mum’ jeans, they weren’t that flattering the first time around, but who am I to judge?

People who persuade companies to move onto a super new all encompasing software system without bothering to check that it actually solves the problem that you have rather than solving a problem that you don’t have and adding new ones

I don’t get why all the young girls are wearing ‘mum’ jeans

I don’t know what “mum jeans” are. Does that make me more or less fleeky?

You know when interviewers on telly interview a politician and they try to go all Paxman but they’re shit at it? Man, I just have to switch over. Useless idiots.

Technology not working exactly as intended

Yeah, like people who put those ketchup bottles with the wide lids designed to be stored lid down, lid up.

Someone went to the trouble of designing that and you just ignore it and revert to the old, less efficient way, even though the label is now upside down

Maniacs.

Keep looking at all the issues raised on this thread and realised I must have been disproportionately cross most of my married life

even though the label is now upside down

The shampoo and conditioner my partner gets comes in these bottles. One of them has the label correctly orientated when the lid is up, the other with the lid down, despite being the same bottles. Every time I see them a little bit of me dies inside. If you’re going to be shit, at least be consistently shit.

Does that make me more or less fleeky?

I’m pretty sure that one of those options isn’t possible.

Tiny stickers on fruit, have we done this? Apples particularly. What are they for? They convey no useful information and are just pointless and irritating.

I either notice and have to peel the annoying fecker off and then find somewhere to put it, or don’t and inadvertently eat it!

Doggo and pupper really gets my back up

They convey no useful information and are just pointless and irritating.

They often have a 4 digit code, which if the supermarket is sensible will match the code needed at the checkout, making the cashiers life easier. The supermarket will not be sensible though so you’re at the mercy of some 17 year old who doesn’t know the difference between a Braeburn and a Jazz, and really doesn’t care enough to stare at his laminated list long enough to figure it out. Same with pears, 20 years later I still don’t care what the difference is between a Conference and whatever the other one is/was.

Doggo and pupper really gets my back up

Fur babies.

Folks with dog poo bags who, seeing the bin on the path already stuffed full, dump their bag next to the bin on the floor. Worse still are the ones who dump their sh1tbags on the slab where the bin, having been set alight by scrotes and removed by the council, used to be.

I shall clarify. They convey no useful information to me. It shouldn’t require vigilance and effort to avoid ingesting a stock control tool.

Fur babies

and even worse, fur babies who’ve crossed the rainbow bridge.

and even worse, fur babies who’ve crossed the rainbow bridge.

Yoo monster, there wiv the angles. Fumin 😡

Yoo monster, there wiv the angles. Fumin 😡

Perfect.

Fur babies

and even worse, fur babies who’ve crossed the rainbow bridge.

You know. I’m an animal lover and I can empathise with people’s relationship with pets. A loss can hit as hard or harder than the loss of a family member.

But this saccharine-sweet sickly baby talk makes my shit itch. Are you 12? These are the same people who play dress-up with their dogs and cats, knitting them Christmas jumpers and hats and what have you, and they really really need to get laid.

People who aren’t pubescent Americans who say ‘asshat’.

People who aren’t American and say “ass”.

The word is “arse”, you arseholes!

similarly, “Mom”

makes my shit itch

Such a simple phrase that conveys the emotion so eloquently….

The word is “arse”, you arseholes!

When I was at university up norf, I was led to believe that was a function of being a northerner (ass) or southerner (arse).

I have consequently since been terminally undecided as to which I prefer!

I don’t get why all the young girls are wearing ‘mum’ jeans

What are mum jeans?

I don’t know what “mum jeans” are. Does that make me more or less fleeky?

What’s fleeky?

When I was at university up norf, I was led to believe that was a function of being a northerner (ass) or southerner (arse).

Is that not arse-backwards?

Stacey Solomon. Generally.
But also specifically for her lack of command of good grammar. There was a trailer I heard on tv recently for a forthcoming episode, and the soundclip was “Me and my team was [doing something…]” Two simple grammatical errors in about 5 words.
Just f***ing NO

People who try to carve a saddle into the butter.

Got a really cool hot wood filler gun. Not cheap at all. About £80. Should be good right?

Well yeah, except whoever designed the blow moulded case didn’t consider that you might want to put the gun away mid-stick. You can’t pull the stick out as it can damage the gun internals (according to the instructions) so to fit it back in the case you have to cut the stick off. 😡

The gun won’t fit in any other way.

Stuff like this is just astounding really.