Stuff that makes you disproportionately cross

People who drive in the right lane on a dual carriageway when the left lane is clear and don’t move out of the lane when you come up behind them.

They must be taking screaming kids on an airplane as it can’t be a coincidence can it?

People who walk up to a pelican crossing and  press the button without checking if it’s actually clear to cross without using the traffic management lights. They then realise it’s clear, cross the road only for the lights to turn green for them, red for the traffic after they’ve long gone forcing the traffic to stop with no one crossing.

Karens who put their push chairs into the road when trying to stop traffic… it’s you bloody child for god’s sakes!

Makes my teeth itch.

Being issued a Lenovo laptop where the power LED is built into the centre of the power button, but you can’t see what the light is doing when you’re pressing the button to switch off/on/reset, and the light status (on / off / pulsing / flashing three times) makes a difference to what you do, so you have to get a narrow poking stick to hold down the button instead of your finger 😠

People who don’t push the button at pelican crossings because they’ll have already crossed by the time it the delayed light change happens. Use it or lose it.

People who have gone around and defaced all the new 20mph speed limit signs in my city by spraying them black

People overtaking cars abiding by said 20mph limits

People who see a zebra crossing and instead of stopping for the pedestrian, beep their horn and accelerate

Yes I live in a 20mph near a zebra crossing…..

Anyone who describes themselves as a ‘patriot’. Even worse if they’re wearing a football shirts whilst doing it and/or chucking out some racists symbology or chants.

Melamine-faced chipboard 😡

What a dick.

People who have music speakers playing stuff whilst out walking or riding – no one else wants to listen to your taste in death metal whilst the rest of us are trying enjoying the country side.

Melamine-faced chipboard 😡

Just been made foreign secretary, I believe.

Use of the word “apartment” to describe a dwelling in the UK. It’s a flat. Flats can be lovely and flat is a perfectly good word, no need to use an Americanism you mouth breathing property developer / estate agent.

Americanisms seeping into ‘our’ English is generally something than makes me disproportionately cross. For some reason another one that is totally pathetic but really sets me off is use of tux/tuxedo in place of dinner jacket / dinner suit.

Maybe my Northern is showing, but today is the first day of my life I’ve ever heard (well, read) the term “dinner suit.”

Insurance companies, banks et al who do not let you manage your policies online if you don’t have a ‘bank’ account with them. Idiots.

Melamine Faced-Chipboard used to be the captain of our cricket team, absolute ledge, we used to call him Melly Chipps, and then once he shat in q kebab shop so everyone called him Smelly Chipps. Moved out to Abu Dhabi a couple of years ago, heard he’s Head of Net Zero at the state oil company!

Insurance companies

I got my house insurance renewal through last week. It’s gone up 40% for no reason. I thought that shite was illegal now? I rang them up and they unapologetically knocked about £20 off it. Looks like I’ll be talking to that **** with the moustache or those bloody wombats again then.

It’s seemingly easier to stop an army of 1000 advancing soldiers than it is to stop a printer from printing something mid-print.

The op: “not big stuff”

35 pages later…

Why are the streetlights angled over the cars?

Is the council trying to prevent peoples pet cats from squanching in the central reservation?

For actual pedestrians, we’ve now got to contend with uneven pavements, leaves, darkness and auto-asphyxiating felines.

Just how lethal/ illegal would it be for the public to twist these lights ninety degrees?

My coworker eats lunch at his desk and apparently can’t chew with his mouth closed.

My coworker eats lunch at his desk and apparently can’t chew with his mouth closed.

If I were to be on the jury at your your trail, I’d found you not guilty.

I berated a pair of (petrol) scooter riders after arriving at the advanced cycle box with my seven year old on her bike, finding they hadn’t left enough space for us to pull into to wait to perform our right turn at the junction. ****s.

Traditional sugary doughnuts?

All that I find in the supermarkets and greggs are the jam or custard filled variety.
A bit ott and messy, tbh.

I still find the old skool versions in McDonald’s.
But they’re overpriced and not particularly fresh.

If I was a cop. Oh Lordy!

For actual pedestrians, we’ve now got to contend with uneven pavements, leaves, darkness and auto-asphyxiating felines.

Round this way people park their cars on the footpath to help prevent pedestrian injury.
#not sharing is caring

Dinner Suit is the correct UK term, Tuxedo is very much from the ol’ U.S of A

Probably been done, but people who ignore important emails. Specifically colleagues at work, and mums on the gymnastics chat group. Gym finishes Wednesday and restarts 4th January. As per all the many emails, WhatsApp posts and announcements at the Christmas shows….

sorry, does anyone know if gymnastic club is on this week?

Drivers at traffic lights, congestion, junctions etc who haven’t the first clue how to use a handbrake, thus blinding the driver behind with their brake lights. Usually brighter-than-the-sun LEDs and always at night. No, wait. They do have the first clue, however, because they are selfish tossers they choose to not use said handbrake.

sorry, does anyone know if gymnastic club is on this week?

Every day, right through Christmas and New Year. Make the 10 mile journey and someone will be there to let you in.

The fact that you can’t get a decent bacon roll and a decent cappuccino in the same place. You can get a decent bacon roll but some 2000 degree shite from powder, or you can get a decent coffee but some messed-about with bacon and mushroom open sandwich brioche nonsense.

Surely a bacon sarnie needs a mug of tea though? Greasy spoon has that covered.

Poncy coffee and a bacon banjo just doesn’t feel right

If you think a cappuccino is “poncy” you must think the M6 J42 McCafe is some kind of palace!

The fact that you can’t get a decent bacon roll and a decent cappuccino in the same place.

Can think of 4-5 places that meet your requirements within a 10 mile radius. You need to relocate to Ilkeston, of all places.

I’m genuinely getting my blood up to a nice rolling boil every time I drop my kids off at school, and some lazy idling SUV mum or dad just parks up on teh double-yellow lined corner, or on teh zig zags outside the school gates.**** idiots…

I’m actually going to buy a bunch of free standing signs – partly for the school, partly because a few hundred quid is worth it to prevent me going to jail for smashing up a windscreen and slashing tyres…

DrP

Some folk doing their weekly shopping at a petrol station or getting a coffee but struggle to operate the machine whilst taking up a fuel pump space. Then the tossers that squeeze past rather than wait another minute or two but can’t park their motor closer to the pump and then blocking the exit out

some lazy idling SUV mum or dad just parks up on teh double-yellow lined corner, or on teh zig zags outside the school gates.**** idiots…

I don’t know where you live but my local police force will prosecute zigzag parkers if you provide video or photo evidence. You just upload it to the website. Helps if the photos are 1-2 minutes apart or if there is 1-2 minutes of footage. No special equipment (or window smashing) required.

Also, my local community policing team and council have been really good about sending out officers to patrol/ticket at problem times – esp if the school asks.

(If you want a school to do something, you have to help them by giving them the info and prepping the email for them – there’s no point in just saying “can’t someone do something about this?”)

Dinner Suit is the correct UK term, Tuxedo is very much from the ol’ U.S of A

I thought a dinner suit encompassed more than a tuxedo – a tuxedo being one type of dinner suit

Probably been done, but people who ignore important emails.

Similarly,

Self-important multi-channel messagers. They’ll email you, then a minute later you’ll get a text going “did you get my email?” Two minutes after that the phone will ring with them going “just wondering if you’ve got my message” whilst you’re halfway through typing a response.

There’s a few of us who might like to vent on the “Shite Parking Watch UK” FB group.

Recent special cases have been cars blocking the pavement displaying “I need 2m for my wheelchair” stickers, and a spate of driving instructors posting pics of students who have passed their test, in front of a car that is across 2 spaces, or parked in the road 4 foot from the double yellow lines….

being severely colour blind but still ( after 27 yrs together) being asked for my opinion on :

1. potential  new colour schemes in the house

2. *cushion / *rug / *lampshade / *curtain combos ( *delete as appropriate)

– only for them to be rubbished . Again

Love her dearly though.

You don’t need to be colourblind for that. In my house I now ask for clarification – do you actually want my opinion, or do you want me to guess which one you like (and if so why can’t you just tell me and avoid the risk of me guessing wrong and being in the dog house as a result)