Seems to me there's an increasing number of dole scum on here of late. And it looks like I can now count myself among that happy throng. Yay! Hurrah for capitalism etc etc

I've never been out of work in my life, but I am now. boo hoo for me. And the chances of getting a job any time soon are pretty slim/non existent

Anyway…. I'm doing the 'apply for every job out there' lark. And what a soul-destroying process that is.

So what do you other spongers/layabouts do to keep yourself sane then? How do you stop yourself lapsing into a sess-pit of Jeremy Kyle, drinking cider on park benches, shoplifting in Tesco in your pyjamas – as the reality of your wasted pathetic life overwhelms you and sends you scurrying for the anti-depressants and hiding from the baliffs?

Oh…. and in a particularly cruel twist of fate; I've nackered my hand last week, so I'm going to be off the bike for a few weeks at least. Wouldn't you just know it 🙁

personally I find that dressing a a large hairy spider (making the costume is a job in itself),then hiding in one of three nominated bushes or trees and occasionally spitting on passing children helps ward of the the ghost of Jeremy Kyle (king of the gypsys).

Some of the total playing times on Modern Warfare 2 online suggest there are a lot of people happy to play that and do very little else, including work or sleep,

Hi
tough luck, it's a hard place to be
I ended up:
– set freeviewbox to record anything userful overnight,
– bed
– get up normal time (about 7.30am), news on telly (*not 'daytime tv')
– down library (free newspapers and free internet access, may also have list of clubs etc that you could look at) so job hunting etc
– I found I could get on free IT courses – so did Excel (LearnDirect I think)
– about midday Sainsburys cheapie bin – lunch
– afternoon , watch recordings, , get bored, walking etc

Other ideas – my local paper has a volunteering section, see what free courses are available to unemployed, DIY…….

Get some hobbies

become a premier member and read back issues of singletrack, join your local library.

Oh…. and in a particularly cruel twist of fate; I've nackered my hand last week, so I'm going to be off the bike for a few weeks at least. Wouldn't you just know it

take up running?

Hobbies? Ask Simon Quinlank clicky

learn a language

personally I find that dressing a a large hairy spider (making the costume is a job in itself),then hiding in one of three nominated bushes or trees and occasionally spitting on passing children helps ward of the the ghost of Jeremy Kyle (king of the gypsys).

Trying to hard.

I found I *had* to have structure in my day when I spent 3 months redundant at this time last year.

Up at about 8, "commute to work" (basically get a bike ride in first thing, it forced me out of bed). Home, shower then spend some time looking/applying for jobs. Break for lunch, usually spent by wandering over to the LBS, occasionally helping him out with odds and ends. Afternoon, I'd be just occupying myself – job stuff, photography, surf the net, ride my bike, fix/clean a bike, housework, whatever.

You can get loads of stuff free/very cheap by being a dole scum. I did a (frankly pretty rubbish) photo course at the local Adult Community Education place but it was about £6 instead of £80. Got myself a free eye test and some new glasses (about £18 instead of £100+). Weekday afternoons are great for a quiet trip to the cinema with cheapo tickets. Make the most of it, volunteer for something or take up a new hobby.

Jamie – Member

Trying to hard.

…worthless contribution?

Museums are great – you're in Manchester aren't you?
Moseley Street, The Lowry, The Walker in Liverpool, Port Sunlight – loads to go at, cheaper than the pub.

Combined with a cheap photo editing program, a digital camera and a pair of walking boots this kept me sane for a good few months.
Catch up on all the books and films you've missed out on over the last few years.
I tried painting but couldn't get into it, but materials are quite cheap nowadays.

If you fancy something a bit different, there is ALWAYS a demand for care workers – wage not the best, but interesting and varied work.

Loads of subsidised local college courses as well.

I enjoyed the first six months or so – started to lose it slightly after that as motivation fades.

Good luck & enjoy it! You might not get the chance again.

Get your name out and about, get on the web and email prospective employers.

Drug prices have plummetted recently so I would smoke myself senless and stare at my wallpaper trying to remember what it was I was meant to do that day or even what day it was.

When times get really hard break in to Horas and steal his bike stuff and sell it on here …. if desperate ransom Bingo to him and then the baby.

WTF are you people doing giving helpful advice on here 🙄

I was unemployed for about a year. Key things for me were:

Get up at a decent time (7:30ish).

Keep busy. For example, I wrote papers and went and gave talks etc. as I tried to get a job as an academic, I did some DIY. I Supported my wife by doing cooking and cleaning etc.

Learn something to keep your brain active: e.g. teach yourself how to program computers, how to speak Albanian, how to take nice photos etc. – anything that is interesting to you, but that may be of particular bonus in terms of expanding your skills.

Get some exercise every day – even if it is just a 15 minute walk at lunchtime.

Meet with people: keep up a social life.

Have something to look forward to: E.g. arrange a weekend away for next month, and look forward to it. Then, when you have done that, arrange something else.

Doing all these things helped me, although it didnt stop me getting depressed. Usually, depression coincided with signing on (to get my NI stamp – no actual money for me) as the jobcentre was an appalling place, filled with jobsworths and chavs. Would you believe that when I was invited to go to a conference in Spain to do some networking with a view to promoting my skills and getting a job, they actually saw this as 'being unavailable to look for a job' and therefore forced me to sign off. That really got me down.

So despite me now being in my final month of being unemployed (before I start my new job) I have not signed back on – it was just too depressing to contemplate…

Drug prices have plummetted recently so I would smoke myself senless and stare at my wallpaper trying to remember what it was I was meant to do that day or even what day it was.

And that is EXACTLY what I did for the following six months. 😀

Not sure which I preferred TBH.

I'd recommend keeping a structure to your day going as well. I started making notes on which job websites I'd searched and when; which agencies I'd phoned and when; which interviews I'd been to etc. Gave me a focus for the job search and was useful for waving at the dole office to prove that I was actually looking for a job. It turned into quite a list in the 6 months I was out of work.

I also emailed/ phoned everyone I'd worked with before, to see if they had any bright ideas. Generally they didn't, but they were supportive.

Other than than, I got a lot of DIY done. (Apologies if you were looking for a humourous response BTW).

If you fancy something a bit different, there is ALWAYS a demand for care workers – wage not the best, but interesting and varied work.

Yup. Care homes will always have work.

I am not unemployed but rather underemployed the last few years – months with only occasional shifts

I do most of the housework including buying food from local shops and doing the cooking. to be imaginative takes up time. ( decide whats for tea and take a stroll to the shops to buy the ingredients) I even took up baking cakes until we both put on weight.

Ride your bike, fettle your bike, go for walks, argue with folk on forums. Diy

Its not difficult for me to keep a structure, as at the moment I've still got my office in town (which isn't costing me owt). So I come into the office and do job applications etc

Some good advice here though. Thanks. I'm going to look at doing some courses, as its the element of doing nothing constructive that i know will drive me mad.

The museums/galleries suggestion is good as I'm a reet cultured bugger. I like the idea of nicking all Horas stuff too. In fact I could go and take his bike out every day and return it before he gets home. He'd never notice

Can you (afford to) plan a couple of weeks touring by yourself for when the weather gets a bit warmer and the days a bit longer?

A couple of hours a day on research and planning, and a goal to keep your fitness up for in the meantime.

Chin up, by the way. 🙂

Aye, once you are fitter in summer stick some panniers on the bike and ride and meet all the people you trade abuse with on this site, I am sure you could freeload for quite a while.

After you have written your novel of course, you seem quite artickewlitt.

When I was out of work, we had just had a kid so that helped occupy me. Time before that, well I just watched cable telly, rode and hung out. It was summer tho, which helped. I had one of the best times of my life. Riding improved massively, lost loads of weight.. 🙂 But then I was young and had no mortgage.. after the money ran out I had to go and live with my Sister for like 6 months. That was tough – the money running out, not the living with my sister. She lived in Glastonbury at the time which was an experience.

hels – thats a great idea. Right you lot! If anyone's rude to me from now on and I'm going to come and stay with you for a week 🙂

Or i could always claim squatters rights in Horas house

if you want to stay sane the most important thing to do is make sure all the dealings you have with the dole office etc are absolutly spot on accurate and watertight.get an exercise book and jot down, date you signed on, who with what details you provided.ask loads of qwuestions and make sure you know what money you will get and when.make sure it arrives on time and if no question it emmidietly!
i signed on a year ago for 6 months and it was a bloody nightmare.to the goverment the idea of handing out money for nothing to needy people who are desperate is almost unfeesable so you must jump through every hoop correctly and on time.mess one thing up and it takes ages to sort out,you constantly get brushed off to other depatments or need to fill in certain forms etc etc.the actuall "job seeking"is the last thing they care about, just as long as you dot the i's and cross the tees there happy

and as for the pond life in the "job centre"..well its an experience i think everyone should go through once in life just to make you actually appretiate working and what you have/had/could have…in fact it was almost all worth it just to be a fly on the wall in there every two weeks!some of the characters were just amazing.my missus used to be in histerics with the story's i would come back with 😆

meet all the people you trade abuse with

What's the name of the immortal alien in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who spends eternity insulting every being in the universe in alphabetical order? 🙂

What's the name of the immoral alien in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who spends eternity insulting every being in the universe in alphabetical order?

It's 'Smee' isn't it?

[chuckles]

Oh, may I recommend you read (if you haven't already) Tom Hodgkinson's splendid book "How To Be Idle"? Much in it is very wise, and much also rather revolutionary. 🙂

You stil residing in the PRC (People's Republic of Chorlton), binners?

If so, I bet there's loads of stuff you can find to do in the locale. Set yourself up as an alternative therapy, er, therpaist and coin it in from the Guardianistas. Something like Hot Reiki Walletemptying.

You could also scavenge to see if the organic clothing shop opposite Unicorn has any scraps of material that you could convert, after attending the relevant workshop, into an organic, biodegradeable corset.

Your wrist whould be healed by then, meaning that, combined with your new attire, you could earn a few quid (cash in hand, as it were) on Chorlton Ees, before nipping into Jackson's Scrote for half a shandy.

😀

get out on your bike 10 hrs a day, and become a gurning GOD
then dominate in the coming season of enduros.

offer your services as a mobile bike mechanic, and spanner local crap bikes for cheap.

become a gigalo.

What OMITN said:

Set yourself up as a technology therapist, working out the star sign of other peoples' computers and offering Reiki for dogs/stress therapy for hamsters – you know the deal.

Great suggestions as always tom 😀

Its about 10 months of me being unemployed scum now, with little prospect of getting work in my field of expertise.

My wife and I have done complete role reversal. I'm now full time carer for our 3 and 6 year old, so their routines keep me sane(ish) and up and moving about. I do all the cooking, shopping, housework etc, whilst mrs Officer goes out to work. Its not ideal – see's not earning enough to cover our living expenses after march, but despite being a full time mum for over 5 years she's still more employable than me.

When I'm not ferrying to and from friends houses, playgroup, pre-school and school, I've caught up on DIY, augmented and created a couple of new trails on the hill and watched some action and sci-fi DVD's that I can't watch with the nippers around due to poisoning little minds.

I still have dark days though. As someone has said, its worse after signing on. The jobcentre (plus!) is place of total and utter desperation and no hope. I'm only signing on to qualify for my redundancy insurance – when that ends I won't bother any more – it takes me a good few days to get out of the melancholy.

Going to do an OU computer diploma, which starts in October, having missed the February deadline by 2 weeks! Then go in a complete different direction.

In fact I could go and take his bike out every day and return it before he gets home. He'd never notice

You could but you're injured & there are far more comedic ways to wile away the hours

Why not go to Hora's each day & start to fill his frame with lead shot?
as the days pass & his bike gets progressively heavier you can reap the fruit of your labours by watching the threads he starts on here about struggling with fitness

Just a thought

I think if we've accepted that binners is going to be breaking into Hora's house every day there are better things to do than filling his frame with lead shot. Almost anything involving corsets and his wardrobe, for example. 🙂

Thats a great suggestion. In fact, I could spend my days plaguing the big gayer. Imaginative suggestions please

Imaginative suggestions please

Sit outside his house in your car pretending to read the news paper so that you're there when he leaves to go to work and arrives back home. Just stare straight ahead and ignore him if he approaches you.

Creosote the shape of a large phallus on his front lawn. In fact, augmentment it with the slogan "Get your c*ck here".

Every night, order takeway to be delivered to his house. Always turn up 10 minutes after it has arrived and he has had to shell out £25 for the fourth time this week.

Break in when he's out and line all of his wondows with the car window tinting stuff.

When his offspring arrives, go rounbd when he's not in and stick a photo of said child in the bottom of the lavatory bowl.

Place small cubes of feta cheese in each room of his house.

Steam the labels off cans of baked beans and dog food and swap them over.

Leave used condoms on the floor in his kitchen.

Decorate the entire house with holly and tinsel and put up a christmas tree.

It occurs to me that imaginatively "plaguing the big gayer" and "staying sane" may not be entirely compatible. 🙂

It occurs to me that imaginatively "plaguing the big gayer" and "staying sane" may not be entirely compatible.

You win some….