"Invested in" does my nut in. Normally as in "I've invested in a chicken sandwich", or any other object from which you cannot expect any return…

I also used to work with a woman who used the term "pre-warning" when she actually meant warning – "I'm just ringing to give you a pre-warning that your appointment is booked for half 2 on Wednesday".

"Can't do.."

Why?

"Well, it's Elf n Safety isn't it?"

Really grips my s*** it's not H&S, it's misinformed idiots making poor descisions, or not having the balls to say no..

cue arguments on a weekly basis with my dad.. I think I'm more qualified that the **** that write for the Daily Mail, but he still believes them "because it's in the paper"

The constant bloody misuse / abuse of the word "like", which seems to find its inapproriate and mind-bendingly irritating way at least 240 times into any sentence if trhe speaker is under 20. It does really, really annoy me as it's meaningless and I hear it about 100000000000 times over on every journey to work.

…..and breathe!

My old boss would keep saying 'go on…' everytime you told him something. he'd just keep saying it until you ran out of stuff to say and then say 'oh…' and leave a silence as if you've not explained yourself fully when you clearly have.

"This software is terribe, we need to rewrite it'
"go on.."
"80% of the code is redundant, its inefficient, and it won't work with office 2007"
"go on"
"thats it"
"oh"

then he'd talk about something he felt was more important like "the coffee situation".

Women addressing one another (informally) as "Mrs", as in "how you doing Mrs?" – I'm not entirely sure why, but it makes my flesh crawl.

"a big ask" – annoying and meaningless, given the availability of the far more pleasant "a tall order". The latter conjures such amusing imagery for me, the former is lumpen and meaningless.

"big style" in place of "very much so" or "very well indeed".

I have countless others, but would prefer to avoid infuriating myself by listing them.

Many are borne of the TV sports pundit – usually not the commentator, who describes what is happening for the benefit of the blind, but more commonly the co-commentator or pundit, whose job I can't fully comprehend. Surely stating the patently obvious after the event would be a job done far more entertainingly done by someone witty and erudite, rather than someone with frankly unnecessary first-hand experience. What is television supposed to be, after all, if not entertainment? Replace Chris Kamara with David Mitchell for instance, it'd improve matters, er, big style. Now back to the studio.

"Comes up" in reference to the size of a pair of shorts, which is all over this forum. Said shorts not been down Sankey's on a Saturday night getting twatted

Good news sandwich, as is…

"You have a beautiful daughter…"

"I've *****d your daughter…"

"You're gonna be a grand daddy!"

"Big time" used in place of an exclamation.

Dragon's Den when they say "Now let me tell you where i am". You're in the **** studio you numpty!!

"Ahead of the curve". I have no idea what that means!

"in the ball park". Oi mate, why not use a simple, single word like "roughly"??

Grrrrr 😆

Many are borne of the TV sports pundit – usually not the commentator, who describes what is happening for the benefit of the blind, but more commonly the co-commentator

Mark Bright is my particular favourite for sheer inanity. But, better still, is his ability to describe events that have taken place using the present tense. I know footballers are thick (I used to work with an ex-Man Utd player), but FFS if it happened before now you can't describe it as "he kicks the ball and then he turns to the ref".

Yes, any historical event described in the present tense is annoying.

The people who make those tacky police stop, or crime investigation programs have a habit of doing that.

Hels …. And BBC newscasters who keep saying "South Island" instead of "the South Island" in reference to the earthquake. It doesn't have a name, we didn't just name them South and North you morons

Presumably then, if they're not named I can call them what I like – say, the sausagey one and the pointy one ? 😉

People that say "well life isn't fair" when they're doing something completely unfair.

All management jargon, blue sky thinking, touching base etc etc.

I'd like to write a short piece including all the hates above, but I'm like too lazy innit ?

People who finish a sentence with the word "innit" ! 😆

When cockneys say "apples and pears, guvnor", Tasty.

After spending 4 weeks working in OZ, cant stop saying 'for sure' and 'she be right' ….

Oh, a Scottish one – "ye ken?", as in "you know", or "do you know what I mean".

"Ah wiz jist goin tae the shops, ken, and ah never thought it'd rain, ken…"

I keep wanting to remonstrate that my name isn't ken…

My boss doesn't know how to say "Innit" properly and ends half his sentences with a rather polite "Isn't it"..

Somehow looses something. I'm not sure if it's more or less annoying.

It's all good.

Since I've been pinning my DH rig wit the fast boys life's bin sweet. I am, like, so way more chilled about stuff like this; innit.

Though, one thing does get my goat – big time;

Turtle when Americans actually mean Tortoise. WTF?

In seriousness – Isn't all this stuff just the progression of our culture? My Ex's dad is a well respected linguistics professor and he is really chilled about the 'mutation of the english language' because he says it has been changing since it has been known as english. Are we all expected to speak and read old english?

Isn't all this stuff just the progression of our culture?

On "Fry's English Delight" (Radio 4) ze ozzer day zey were suggesting zat "future English" may dropp some of ze sounds zat foreign speakers find difficult. Zey zought zat ze "th" sound will be replaced wiz a Germanic-sounding "z".

'In the ball park' and 'step up to the plate' annoy me….US cultural imperialism. Do people who use these terms even know they come from baseball? If you're going to make sporting allusions, at least refer to something played here like cricket.

Yes, Anthony Burgess had so much right in Clockwork Orange, must drag that down off the shelf again and see what else he was right about.

I just used the phrase "keep me in the loop" when talking to my manager 😳 Should I go jump off the roof?

US cultural imperialism

Yes, just look at all those people being forced to use Americanisms at gunpoint, forbidden to speak their own language and artificial borders being drawn to split up the English from their brethren. It's, like, total imperialism.

My Ex's dad is a well respected linguistics professor and he is really chilled about the 'mutation of the english language' because

…it's what keeps him in a job..?

Those whose solution to any problem is to "own him/her with a pair of Bombers".

at least refer to something played here like cricket.

"Inside the boundary", and "come out to bat"?

That sounds more like an admission of sexual deviancy to me.

…it's what keeps him in a job..?

Computers actually; linguistics=Natural language programming=AI

The great thing is that American cultural language is being taken over by Spanish. They hate it.

Therefore; learn Spanish 😛

In seriousness – Isn't all this stuff just the progression of our culture? My Ex's dad is a well respected linguistics professor and he is really chilled about the 'mutation of the english language' because he says it has been changing since it has been known as english. Are we all expected to speak and read old english?

I recall listening to a Reeth lecture (I think) some years ago by another linguistics professor, and she said much the same, there is nothing you can do about it – people will inevitably adopt forms that appeal to them, and moaning about it is just pissing into the wind :o) It's pretending you don't understand new idiom that is the true knobbishness!

can I just point out we've strayed from the original topic, which was "clichés and sayings", which are not the same thing as idiom?

Sorry Kona, I used that instead of 'hegemony' to make it make accessible. Hope you got it.