Many of you know me personally, so before you start spouting the usual shute give it some thought if you can.

Been married for some years now with the usual ace bits, and the not so.

My work takes me away for the odd week here and there, more often than not. Work is good, I’m self employed.

My wife also has a job she likes, and same for her, working away now and then.

I don’t play away, but I do make the most of my time. Riding and running with lots of other folks. She resents me being with other people.

She seems happy enough while she’s away. Doesn’t do much cos when she’s done working she’s done.

Seems like we are moving apart, and that the differences in location are amplifying what seemed trifles when we lived together all the time.

We have kids and as much as I’d like to say “Oh we’ll just split and buy 2 houses instead of this one with the Helipad”, you’ve guessed we’re not quite that minted.

I love my kids, don’t dislike my wife. However I do see many advantages in being single.

Comments ……..

I love my kids, don’t dislike my wife.

Says it all, really. I don’t know you personally but if you’re happy enough with your wife, you’re doing well. You don’t have to be massively in love. You don’t have to feel a rush every time she walks in the room. You needn’t worry if you don’t occassionally and inadvertantly inhale deeply at an old memory.

You just have to rub along together.

I work away for weeks at a time – it’s a great job which involves hanging around in the mountains waiting for the light to be right. I love it and so does the dog. I suspect my wife also enjoys having a house free of dogs and husbands.

Don’t throw away what many strive for – talk to her; make some lifestyle changes. And **** off to mumsnet whilst you’re about it 😉

Seems to me you are drifting apart but actually have no reason to do so.

Work at the marriage – to make it work. That need not mean giving up the stuff you like to do but it does mean putting some effort into doing stuff with the wife and family.

Go out on dates with the wife – arrange a babysitter and take her out somewhere nice.

Play together and stay together.

Seems like we are moving apart

Get in touch with Relate now, and nip the bud before the problems start building up to an insurmountable level. You need to speak to a qualified person who deals with these issues everyday, not unqualified people on a mtb forum who know nothing about the details of your relationship.

Work at the marriage – to make it work.

This is fine advice if she is willing to work too…

Seems to me you are drifting apart but actually have no reason to do so.

No reason? (reading between the lines) not loving/fancying someone anymore sounds like a valid reason to me.

ernie_lynch – Member

You need to speak to a qualified person who deals with these issues everyday, not unqualified people on a mtb forum who know nothing about the details of your relationship.

Some of us are married you know… I reckon you’re often better off with grass-roots, anecdotal evidence and opinions than you are with pseudo-psychologists whose analysis is costly. Call it friendly advice if you will.

As someone divorced you realise you do need to work at it and make time to do nice things together. You now need to put some effort in to things as you can act now a few years of this and it may be too late.

She resents me being with other people.

she may just resent that you make time for other folk and not for her.
bring back gifts? send a card? tell her she is your heart and thoughts and you miss her when you are away?
All is not lost it is up to you how your future pans out.
Good luck.

And I’ve met 3 people on this thread already.

Some of us are married you know…

And how does that qualify someone to give advise on how to save a relationship ? *rolls eyes*

pseudo-psychologists whose analysis is costly

Relate counsellors are not “pseudo-psychologists” and their sessions are not “costly”.

“rub along together”

Yep, that seem the best of it.

Acceptable when the wind blows in the right direction, it ain’t blowing that way now.

And how does that qualify someone to give advise on how to save a relationship ? *rolls eyes*

Please don’t roll your eyes ernie – it’s unbecoming. If someone has ‘been-there-done-that’, the experience is worth relating, even if circumstaces differ.

Having seen my sister and brother in law go through Relate, I can say with vigour that they are indeed, spendy.

OP – sspaghetti or whatever. Go fly a kite. With your wife. See which way the wind blows, but don’t **** it off for the sake of ennui.

If someone has ‘been-there-done-that’, the experience is worth relating, even if circumstaces differ.

If the circumstances differ, then why would the experience be worth relating ?

You know nothing about the details of the OP’s relationship – one short post is all that you have to go by. You haven’t even listened to his partner’s point of view. And your advise appears to be “You just have to rub along together” which is hardly very inspiring.

Having seen my sister and brother in law go through Relate, I can say with vigour that they are indeed, spendy.

Relate is a charity, it doesn’t exist to make money – it does however have cover its costs.

Problems occur because couples often only reluctantly contact Relate when the relationship is on the rocks, and it is seen as a desperate final attempt top save it – often that is too late. If people such as the OP contacted Relate earlier, when things were at the “seems like we are moving apart” stage, then possibly just a couple of sessions might be enough to get things back on track, eg, do some things differently maybe, try something new, or any other suggestions which someone who is both qualified and experienced might suggest. Although of course counsellors don’t tell you what to do – they just help you to find your own solutions.

All imo needless to say……..sspaghetti did ask for “comments”

“Rubbing along together” is the best advice from ‘The Broons’ through to ‘Just William’. I have inferred very little from the OP other that the pair of them spend large chunks of their lives apart from each other.

Again, IMHO, this is no bad thing. When you say

do some things differently maybe, try something new

, I literally meant the same thing – go fly a kite.

Yes, circumstances differ and we have no idea what the other side of the argument is; I can only go on what I’ve been given, here on this MTB forum. But generally speaking, you get out what you put in.