Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 57 total)
  • Quantum porridge.
  • Premier Icon twinw4ll
    Free Member

    Most days i make the porridge for breakfast on odd days my wife makes the porridge. We both weigh the porridge and add the same quantity of milk and put it in the microwave for the same amount of time.
    Now here’s where my mind gets scrambled (no eggs) when i make the porridge there is approximately a third more finished porridge than when my wife makes it.
    Are we both creating our own reality?
    Is this why some people follow the recipe to the letter but it still turns into a disaster!?

    Premier Icon dangeourbrain
    Full Member

    No, your wife just thinks you’re fat and makes you less porridge than she tells you.

    Premier Icon thepurist
    Full Member

    Does she have the microwave on full 1.21 Gigawatt power while you leave it set lower?

    EDIT – and why are you making porridge with MILK and a MICROWAVE? Surely the artisan STW way is to soak it for 3 days in the tears of an albino kitten, using oats source from the (lower!) western slopes of McTavish’s farm.

    Premier Icon sharkattack
    Full Member

    Can you even make good porridge in a microwave?

    I go as slowly as possible on the hob.

    Premier Icon johnners
    Free Member

    Can you even make good porridge in a microwave?

    I think so. Hob’s best IME but if you take it out of the microwave about 3/4 of the way through cooking and give it a good battering with a fork before finishing it off it turns out pretty well.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    Oh, this is just going to turn into Hipster-than-thou with people you don’t know and are never going to meet are going to tell you that your way of making something that you want to eat is Bad and Wrong.

    Premier Icon hexhamstu
    Free Member

    Premier Icon IHN
    Full Member

    Can you even make good porridge in a microwave?

    Yep

    this is just going to turn into Hipster-than-thou with people you don’t know and are never going to meet are going to tell you that your way of making something that you want to eat is Bad and Wrong.

    Yep

    Premier Icon thols2
    Free Member

    Premier Icon breninbeener
    Free Member

    I have no answer to this conundrum, but the tare option seems likely!

    I would have porridge over any breakfast i can think of….i would like to share my secrets

    20g of oats….doesnt have to be artisan
    35g of wheatbran powder from Holland and Barrett
    320g of Alpro hazlenut ‘milk’

    Bring to a simmer on the hob, cover and switch off. Go and walk your dog for 30 mins. Return and put hob on low and stir in about another 20-30g of hazlenut juice.

    Once its piping hot, pour into your bowl and savour the best start to the day!

    Ian

    Premier Icon lamp
    Free Member

    @thepurist – peak STW porridge making right there!! 😀

    I’m glad the OP didn’t mention his coffee brewing procedures either…..the man microwaves porridge, one can only sensibly assume he uses instant coffee too….it’s just not the STW way!! 😀

    Premier Icon grum
    Free Member

    Cold oats soaked in milk/yoghurt FTW. With frozen fruit, then add fresh banana, berries, cacao nibs, cinnamon, pecans, peanut butter, chia seeds etc etc. Soooooo good and less ‘stick in your gut’ than porridge also.

    Do I win the hipster-off?

    Premier Icon thestabiliser
    Free Member

    “I’m just going out for a moment, I may be some time, or I may not be, or indeed I might still be here. But yes I’ll have porridge” You are Quantum Captain Oats aicmfp

    Premier Icon twinw4ll
    Free Member

    This post is NOT about porridge, i have no issues with the porridge, i’m happy eating mine or my wife’s porridge, microwaved or boiled up in a pot with a hint of cinnamon, i do not need any advice about porridge.

    This post is a post about Quantum Entanglement, which i do have many problems with.

    Premier Icon Yak
    Full Member

    Oh, this is just going to turn into Hipster-than-thou with people you don’t know and are never going to meet are going to tell you that your way of making something that you want to eat is Bad and Wrong

    Not at all.
    What you do is – lots of oats in the pan and not much water. Heat it and stir until you have a thick, but barely cooked consistency. You should be able to upend the pan over your head. Then scoop the porridge out into a bowl and fashion into the shape of your favourite mountain. Think the buachaille, eiger, etc. Then add a snow-cap of yogurt, some honey and raisins/nuts, and a small lake of milk at the bottom.

    Done. Stand back and admire your work then scoff it.
    This is what everyone else does….yeah?

    Premier Icon grum
    Free Member

    i do not need any advice about porridge.

    It’s STW’s job to let you know that you do.

    Premier Icon nickc
    Full Member

    Do I win the hipster-off?

    God no, unless you walk to the local farming collective to barter for your own oats, soak them in water collected from a moss filled downpipe for a week and flavour them with salt scavenged from a half nibbled lick, are you even starting with the right ingredients?

    The you’ve got to cook it on a solar powered aga for 14 days stirring constantly with your purpose made hand axe whittled spoon, and then and only then can you stand outside in a puddle with a grim look on your face eating your porridge…

    Otherwise you’re just pretending

    Premier Icon FuzzyWuzzy
    Full Member

    This post is NOT about porridge

    What you wanted your post to be about and what STW decides it should be about are two different things sorry

    Premier Icon thestabiliser
    Free Member

    This post is NOT about porridge

    It’s got porridge in the title?

    Premier Icon samhay
    Full Member

    OP – if you watch your wife make the porridge, you’ll collapse the wavefunction and find out what she does differently.
    I say this a someone who dabbles with quantum mechanics and eats muesli.

    Premier Icon thestabiliser
    Free Member

    Also you use the word porridge four times in your OP and then a further four times in your rebuttal. 🧐

    Premier Icon Jakester
    Free Member

    which i do have many problems with.

    Or don’t as well?

    Premier Icon tillydog
    Free Member

    … barter for your own oats

    Well, I guess it’s a sustainable trade!

    Premier Icon twinw4ll
    Free Member

    Samhay, for pitys sake museli, no dabbler of Quantum Mechanics would surely ever eat museli. In an almost infinite number of Worlds you will be eating porridge.

    Premier Icon mogrim
    Free Member

    Cold oats soaked in milk/yoghurt FTW. With frozen fruit, then add fresh banana, berries, cacao nibs, cinnamon, pecans, peanut butter, chia seeds etc etc. Soooooo good and less ‘stick in your gut’ than porridge also.

    Do I win the hipster-off?

    My version is half a glass of apple juice, yoghourt, frozen fruit, oats. Leave overnight in the fridge.

    Clearly it’s not porridge, though.

    Premier Icon IHN
    Full Member

    In an almost infinite number of Worlds you will be eating porridge.

    And you’ll be able to spell muesli

    Premier Icon beej
    Full Member

    Bring to a simmer on the hob, cover and switch off. Go and walk your dog for 30 mins. Return and put hob on low and stir in about another 20-30g of hazlenut juice.

    I don’t have a dog. I don’t want a dog. What should I do?

    Cold oats soaked in milk/yoghurt FTW. With frozen fruit, then add fresh banana, berries, cacao nibs, cinnamon, pecans, peanut butter, chia seeds etc etc.

    This is a dessert, not breakfast.

    Premier Icon TheBrick
    Free Member

    You shake / tamp your measure of porridge down, your wife fluffs up the porridge. Try measuring by weight rather than volume and see if you get the same result.

    Premier Icon samhay
    Full Member

    Porridge is for special days. As are dogs.
    For the rest of the time Newtonian muesli is just fine. Instant coffee on the other hand is the worst kind of self abuse.

    Premier Icon TheBrick
    Free Member

    God no, unless you walk to the local farming collective to barter for your own oats, soak them in water collected from a moss filled downpipe for a week and flavour them with salt scavenged from a half nibbled lick, are you even starting with the right ingredients?

    The you’ve got to cook it on a solar powered aga for 14 days stirring constantly with your purpose made hand axe whittled spoon, and then and only then can you stand outside in a puddle with a grim look on your face eating your porridge…

    Otherwise you’re just pretending

    You forget salt and water not milk because that’s the Scottish way and Everything’s better in Scotland (I love Scotland for reference).

    Premier Icon tthew
    Full Member

     if you take it out of the microwave about 3/4 of the way through cooking and give it a good battering with a fork before finishing it off it turns out pretty well.

    I reckon you’re wife is too busy to be arsed with this step while she’s making breakfast.

    slam

    beep beep beep ting.

    whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom

    ting

    clunk

    And smash it onto the table in front of you. None of that whisking malarky.

    Premier Icon greyspoke
    Free Member

    Best made in a pizza oven

    Premier Icon butcher
    Full Member

    Clearly its the microwave. Do you even know how it works? There’s no fire. Turn it off before it starts recording your thoughts too, it’s dangerous. Have toast instead.

    Premier Icon anagallis_arvensis
    Free Member

    You make porridge every day and still have to weigh it!!!!???!!

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Full Member

    What you wanted your post to be about and what STW decides it should be about are two different things sorry

    ROFL

    Premier Icon thols2
    Free Member

    Clearly its the microwave. Do you even know how it works? There’s no fire.

    Put a video camera inside while it’s running. Trust me, there will be fire.

    Premier Icon barrysh1tpeas
    Full Member

    On the weekend, I add a dollop of salted butter….I know

    Premier Icon p7eaven
    Free Member

    I make porridge in different ways on different days! ymmv. I suppose what I’m saying is that I have nothing of any use to add.

    Maybe she fluffs yours up when your back is turned?

    That, or your data-gathering is deficient…

    Premier Icon soobalias
    Free Member

    i have two porridge recipes:

    2/3 scoop cheapest oats, 1 scoop tap water, three beeps on the power button, eat before it sets like concrete
    or, same oats, same water, some frozen wonky berries, six beeps on the button……

    by the time ive had a shave its cold enough to eat.

    EDIT – perhaps ‘recipe’ is too strong a word

    Premier Icon IHN
    Full Member

    That Dougle the Scotsman clip is yet more proof of how inexplicably successful Harry Enfield was.

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 57 total)

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