You could just start cooking and portioning better thus avoiding the need to talk.

[video]https://youtu.be/86URGgqONvA[/video]

Its going to cost the OP, either financially or psychologically.

The best thing to do would never mention it again.

After you’ve sorted out the Zip saga – pacify her by saying something nice . . .

“For your size, you don’t sweat as much as I thought you would” is a nice touch.

OP – no matter how much you are lured, pressured or asked, stay silent on the subject.

My missus asked me if she had a smaller behind than her sister the other day. That’s my definition of a no-win scenario.

Which patio are you residing under? If you let us know before the phone runs out of charge, we may be able to send help.

The answer here is simple as…

At which point I was sent out to work as the problem was clearly the tool operating the zip

Simply get a new tool to operate the zip, namely a close girlfriend, who will hopefully tell her in way that no man would ever get away with. Bosh, job done!

There isn’t a chance in hell I’d ever even acknowledge that incident ever even happened, they could use thumb screws the best they’d get out of me would be “what zip?”

She knows, you know – doesn’t need to be said.

Social media is your friend

SImply go on to the dress manufacturers/retailers Facebook or Twitter and Complain about their sizing!

You tell them about how your wife who is *definitley* a size twelve in other manufacturers dresses, recently bought one of their dresses, and the zip wouldn’t even do halfway up.

THEN

You get to show her what you have done in order to support her by riding in as her knight in shining armour to complain about the dodgy sizing on her behalf. Someone else takes the blame, you get to pretend to believe it’s the dress, and she gets to pretend she hasn’t bulked up a bit.

Pudding guaranteed!

You should hire a mini-digger.

It’ll be a big hole.

Well it’s at least 2 hrs since the OP started this thread and no reply from him <gulp>

Well it’s at least 2 hrs since the OP started this thread and no reply

Brace for impact.

He lived a good life. We shouldn’t mourn his passing.

DezB

Oh! I understand now – the zip was getting caught in her back hair?

If there had been a buffet car on this train the seat opposite would now have been soaked in coffee. 😆

maybe try the approach an ex of mine took to not so delicately inform me that I should lay off the pies. trying on some new clothes in front of the mirror and asked “does my arse look big in this”, with out skipping a beat she replied “yes love, but to be fair it is a small bathroom”. brutal but amusing

Thanks for your support and input people. At least I’ve brightened your days before my untimely demise!

Clearly the answer is to go riding. For a couple of years.

Buy her the same dress in the next size up and swap the labels. For as long as you can afford to stick with this approach all will be fine.

I would take her out shopping for a new one, and book a nice restaurant.

Lets hope the restaurant does salads.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZvWvfCSZ8M[/video]

We need more threads like this, it’s a gem

I overheard my wife saying that i ‘have an overactive pieroid’
Cheeky cow
Patio looks good though

Simply get a new tool to operate the zip, namely a close girlfriend, who will hopefully tell her in way that no man would ever get away with. Bosh, job done!

Sorry, that will be taken as:
A) you’re not paying attention to her enough to have noticed
And
B) you’re comparing her to her bessie fiend.

Still. Dead. Man. Walking.

Buy her the same dress in the next size up and swap the labels. For as long as you can afford to stick with this approach all will be fine

is the only possible solution. It’s like the kobayashi maru in Star Trek, it’s a trick

It’s some catch, that size 22….

Rusty Spanner – Member
It’s some catch, that size 22….

It needs to be to hold everything in place.

Clearly the answer is to go riding. For a couple of years.

#bemoremike

The solution to this is simple. Print off the below image and affix it to all mirrors and reflective surfaces in the house.

[video]https://youtu.be/Esnergg5PrE[/video]

By yourself a nice pie for tea.
When she asks where’s hers, tell her she’s obviously had too many already. That’ll work.

Or post how much you love her and don’t want to hurt her feelings etc etc blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit, then leave this thread open on the computer so she accidently sees it.*

*you may need mod intervention to clean the thread somewhat first 😆

Say “you know, when we got married, I thought I had shagged my last fat lass”

Then slap her on the arse and walk off, very far.

nwmlarge – Member

simple solution is that dress is broken, if you want your nose to remain unbroken I would take her out shopping for a new one, and book a nice restaurant.

And order her the salad…

If she asks if her and her bum look big i suggest you be honest and say ” let me take a few steps back to get you all in”, instant pudding for you.

Continuing the literary theme, buy her a good book to cheer her up.

Has she read The Catcher In The Ryvita?

Has she read The Catcher In The Ryvita?

No, but OP is halfway through ‘Catcher in the Fridge’