[Closed] MyHermes: Divide by Zero

What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won't buy it and I tell the company that I will pay a bit more for an effective service but won't buy if they use one of these 3 companies

Schrodingers parcel. You won’t be able to tell if it’s being delivered or returned until they open the van. I like it.

Yup - the OP may just dissolve into a fog of probabilities

It's a cunning plan, but if he wont deliver, will he not collect either?
Keep us posted!
It does seem that you are at the mercy of the end courier for MyHermes.
The lady that does the round in my area is excellent so I have no problems with using them. It seems I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm dropping it off at the parcel shop.

I generally offer to pay a little extra to people to send things by a different courier, but sometimes I forget.

What's the plan when you get the parcel?
I mean, how will the courier know they've been subjected to this cunning and dastardly masterplan?

Will you tell them or just do a big Mwa ha ha haaaa in their face?

Well, I won't get the parcel. Just like that last 5 that have had "delivery attempts". Then Hermes will automagically return it to the sender. Which is me. So the same guy will have to deliver it.

And if he does show up then I get to give him a bollocking for all his previous **** ups.

I'm assuming they will also fail to redeliver it.

That parcel is a GONER

[quote=trail_rat ]That parcel is a GONER

I get £20 of insurance for free. Not bad for an empty cardboard box. I did write that it had my soul in it though.

They have to go somewhere, how much would it cost to fill his van?

Crowdfunded piss take anyone?

inspired. Send an insured parcel of souls every hour and retire on an acceptable hourly wage!

I did write that it had[s] my soul[/s] our souls in it

FTFY

What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won't buy it

I do the same, haven't got the time to waste finding out where my parcels have gone.

alanf - Member
Keep us posted!

No don't! We'll all end up in the upside down.

I can't practically use any other couriers but MyHermes and I've never had a problem. I've got one on their system that says it's "Active", but it was delivered months ago. Must be just mgh's driver.

Reason I can't use any others is because they're all shut when I finish work, except the MyHermes shop, which is very convenient. Location of my work and the fact that I ride to work mean it's the only option.

This is a genius idea! Bookmarked!

I get £20 of insurance for free.

If you try to claim that you will need evidence of the value of the contents, have you got evidence of the cost of your soul?

You would have to play guitar and find the equivalent cost in lessons required to read your standard

I've got an image in my head of Schrodinger's parcel being driven along a Möbius strip in a 15 year old Astra estate now...

I've got an image in my head of Schrodinger's parcel being driven along a Möbius strip in a 15 year old Astra estate now...

I am liking this plan a lot. In fact I might try it myself.

Oh and Kerley and TJ +1.

tjagain - Member
What I do is check with whoever I bought from what couriers they are using. If its Hermes, Yodel or ukmail I won't buy it and I tell the company that I will pay a bit more for an effective service but won't buy if they use one of these 3 companies

Good luck with that, I have the same policy and recently paid extra for DPD to deliver something. Well they did, straight to the MyHermes depot who delivered it to me. Cheeky sods.

OP - did you upset the delivery driver one time or is your address just an arse to get to? Can't see myhermes putting up with such a driver if they did that to everyone.

It's odd the MH driver that delivers to my house has long since realised is quicker to put down the parcel outside my door and mark as delivered than to post the card through. Works for me.

... driven along a Möbius strip

What tyres for...

I expect the OP will get a card saying "we tried to deliver your parcel" before it gets picked up.

Anybody watching 'Ghosted' on ITV2? These sort of shenanigans could open up some kind of rift and end the universes as we know them, or it might just work...

What tyres for...

Will I be ok on a 150mm travel FS bike?

I am willing to send an empty parcel to OP to see if it arrives.

It won't.
That has been established.
But what happens when they return to the sender they won't deliver to?

I reckon the driver will cotton on that sender and receiver are the same and deliver *only* this one parcel to you, ever.

[quote=wwaswas ]I reckon the driver will cotton on that sender and receiver are the same and deliver *only* this one parcel to you, ever.

i bet the box won't be empty either...

It won't.
That has been established.

I don't care about that, I just want to make work for someone - that's worth the £2.99 it would cost me

Is it just that that think the per item price doesn't justify the extra driving to your remote location?

[img] [/img]

In the centre of a capital city?
Not particularly remote. Though I guess their "Edinburgh depot" is closer to Glasgow

what about posting a GPS tracker to yourself?

Requires a little more investment but could be interesting.

At least if this one goes missing you can call the police as you are now the sender.

At least if this one goes missing you can call the police as you are now the sender.

I've just had a moment's sympathy for the call centre staff when he calls to complain he's not received his parcel...

it used to be quite a common way of establishing ownership of ideas and similar things

Hermes are able to deliver to my house, often before I leave for work.
They are completely incapable of delivering to my work yard, just the other side of the town between the two places.

You should have posted yourself a ripe camembert - give the driver an incentive to deliver it...

hah - I had a "delivery" from Yodel which, according to their tracking website, was delivered to my address and signed for. There was no-one in, and when I got home no delivery or note. Called the depot, got to speak to the driver. where's the parcel? don't know. what was the number of the house you left it at? don't know. what colour was the door? don't know. and the best bits - who signed for it? don't know were they male or female? want to guess the answer?
If I'm buying on line, I ask who the courier ids and if it's Yodel, I tell them not to bother.

Hermes deliveries are odd. Around here, larger items are delivered by a bloke in a van during office hours. He just flings the item somewhere near the house and legs it. He doesn't even bother with a card through the door so unless you happen to look in a flower bed or behind the bin, the parcel could sit there for a week.

Smaller stuff or stuff sent via parcelshop seems to be delivered by a lady in a car, she works around her kids school run times so often delivers the parcels early in the morning or early evening when we are actually at home. If we aren't home, she always leaves it with a neighbour or somewhere sensible with a card through the door.

Yodel on the other hand! If I see an email to say dispatched via Yodel, I know it will take a week, involve 3 phone calls and more than likely a walk around the neighbourhood in the hope of finding the parcel.

The Hermes driver for our area insists on leaving the parcels In out recycling bin that lives outside our front door, the problem being we have very good local binmen who come come and get said bin on collection day, it;s only a matter of time before the inevitable happens...

OP, I do hope it was a really really big empty box?

Awesome idea. Assuming you manage to collect on the insurance I would definitely do it again, repeatedly.

I use Collect Plus as items are delivered to a store rather than dumped somewhere in the neighbourhood.

DezB - Member

I've got one on their system that says it's "Active", but it was delivered months ago. Must be just mgh's driver

I've got a bunch of those, I've raised it a few times with the helpdesk and always get an answer along the lines of "that's not right is it? Weird!"

Just had a look and I'm up to 1300 delivered and 3 real fails- 2 lost parcels and one damaged when the courier threw it over a fence. So I reckon the solution is for me to post something to Yourguitarhero, unstoppable parcel meets undeliverable object

Northwind, it would end up in parcel purgatory

[quote=Northwind ] I'm up to 1300 delivered and 3 real fails- 2 lost parcels and one damaged when the courier threw it over a fence.

*nosey bastid* what do you sell?

I don't have any problem with them. Could you try drop off to drop off, they
shoudln't have any trouble finding the drop off shop.

Boring reply, but I thought that myherpes had teamed up with 'doddle', so that you've got the option of collecting from your local supermarket, etc.

I bet they just return it to the parcel shop rather than your address. You should pay for collection, or camp out at the shop and tackle the driver!

As above though, cunning plan...you are now the paying customer now so are more likely to be listened to rather than fobbed off as a pesky member of the public.

I write the dimensions on muyhermes parcels now after they blatantly tried to rip me off for a nearly oversized parcel.