[Closed] my 1 yr old daughter won't sleep through the night - HELP PLEASE!

Any tips out there?

one way ticket to Brazil

Swift gin in her bottle before lights out.

MTFU - it's what some babies do.

There is lots and lots and lots of advice out there for dealing with it but the things that (seems to have - touches wood) worked with our twins (7 months old) is routine and a good feeding regime.

Has she weaned well? What food/milk does she get from 3pm onwards? Do you have a set bath and bed time?

MTFU - it's what some babies do.

Just wait a year or two and all will be well!

Seriously tho - if you're convinced she is getting enough food at other times (almost certainly is) then stop rewarding her for waking up. Will be extra bad for a while.

IME if you've not cracked the sleeping by 3 months, your stuffed!

My first slept a full night at 9-10 weeks, the second did it at 6 weeks, but the third really didn't manage it until he was walking...

Yup what glenp said, cut the milk rewards out. Then maybe some controlled crying - horrible but better than the the possibility of years of interrupted sleep

I've got a 15 month old, and she went through a phase a little while back of suddenly not sleeping through. If you think it might be teething, you should try Ashton & Parsons Teething Powders. We'd never heard of them but suddenly had a few people recommend them to us. You can get them at Boots etc. If it is teething problems (mouth pain, upset tummy etc.) they seemed to work really well.

M_F - in being an expert on absolutely ****ing everything shocker....

My son was four before he slept through the night the first time, my daughter was near 3. Some kids just seem to be like that.

They both woke every 2-3 hours for the first 18 months and then settled down to once or twice a night plus early rising after that.

My now 13 year old son now refuses to wake up and leave his bed. I think he's makign up for lost time. I do make a point of ensuring I wake him up early at least once at the weekend though, just out of petty vengance.

btw, my son had the privelege of beign admitted to intensive care at 12 hours old - he'd shouted/cried so much he turned blue and had to be put on oxygen. This extreme screaming did rather set the tone for the next 6 months of my life tbh 🙁

Both of mine had a time where they slept all night because they were poorly, and we took that as the time to stop night feeding.

M_F - in being an expert on absolutely **** everything shocker....

Do people try threats? I am not a parent, but I recall being irritated by a particularly whiney child while on holiday once. I told it (in French, which was I think its native tongue) that if it did not fall silent I would sell it to the Turks. This worked like a charm. 🙂

M_F - having two young babies does not make you an expert on getting them to sleep during the night. Especially as you're basing your advice on a sample size of zero 1yr olds. I have a 3yr old and one at 18months, sometimes it doesn't matter what you do - they still wont sleep all night. Accepting this fact is key to being able to deal with it.

{Abuse removed - day of rest administered - Mod}

Gina Ford. The lazy parents nanny. I swear by her methods many swear at her.

Might help but you do seem to be rewarding her which might not be a great idea.

Check the norm, from what other people have said, teething, colic etc...routine is key and (I know it feels horrible at first) just don't let them call the shots, or they will take it too far. Its really easy to start fretting over them everytime they make a sound, but after a while they will expect the comfort and then you are just in a vicious circle. Our little ones started sleeping right through the night after about 2 - 3 months (luckily) but was hellish at the start.

Failing that, theres always more night riding to be done 😉

Check the temperature of the room, controlled crying does work but takes a while sometimes, maybe she's waking up hungry, try increasing her food at dinner.
Although some children do just go through phases of shouting, demoralising though it is it will pass, if you're doing controlled crying I found it easier to be up and watching tv or on the pc rather than getting out of bed and then back into bed and then back out of bed.
Our to go through bouts of not sleeping and it does begin destroy you after a week or so, good luck.

cheers, think teething is an issue, need to stop the reward. She eats ok. I realise its what babies do but I'm broken at work!

Let her sleep in your bed? although I do realise that some folks really don't go for that.

My other solution was to go and hold a hand but not to pick up BUT that is nearly impossible if the child is screaming and you have nearby neighbours

Gina Ford +1

I read the book cover to cover, and it makes sense to me, the gist is making sure they have enough food & milk during the day, never get stressed by being hungry and learn to put themselves to sleep.

A lot of negativity about GF must be from people who read snippets, as in isolation a lot of her methods seem harsh, but altogether they make perfect sense.

Best tenner i ever spent and my 14month old now sleeps from 7pm to 6am most nights (except when teeth cause issues or the kn@b with the Subaru down my road is on earlies and starts it and its 4" exhaust at 4:50 am to warm the oil for ten minutes gggrrrr)

Unless you're underfeeding her - I'd avoid the milk. That's a step backward. You'll end up extending her wearing of night nappies and go through some serious bed wetting.

It's a difficult one and with the child unable to communicate effectively - it's hard to determine the exact cause.

Each of my daughters as babies had trouble moving into their own room - because we shared a room and had the cot at the end of our bed. We got [i]them[/i] to share a room and that solved it.

FWIW our routine is
7am milk feed
8am porridge
(then I leave for work)
11.30 lunch (mainly homemade veg/meat puree recipes followed by fruit purees)
3pm milk feed
5pm dinner (mainly homemade veg/meat puree recipes followed by yogurt)
6.30pm bath
7pm milk feed

They *generally* go down for 7.30pm and now sleep through till about 6am. We still get some night calls but we try to deal with them without milk unless we know the crier had a bad last feed and is genuinely hungry.

I know such a strict routine isn't for everyone, but with twins we decided it was the only way it could work. Also the above times are flexible by about 30 minutes each way.

M_F - having two young babies does not make you an expert on getting them to sleep during the night. Especially as you're basing your advice on a sample size of zero 1yr olds. I have a 3yr old and one at 18months, sometimes it doesn't matter what you do - they still wont sleep all night. Accepting this fact is key to being able to deal with it.

Now Jog On ****.

At about a year or so, our eldest was drinking a full 11oz bottle of milk before bed and another one during the night. Those were some full morning nappies 🙂

I slept through from a very early age. This could have had something to do with my parents widening the hole in the bottle teat with a darning needle so the rusk they'd dissolved in it would get through.

M_F - in being an expert on absolutely **** everything shocker....

You have no experience of 1yr olds. And you also have no experience of babies that are having problems sleeping through the night. From where I'm sitting that puts you in a pretty to shit position to be giving advice to anyone.

My advice is clear - it's what some babies do. If you accept it then that removes the stress of thinking you're doing a bad job of parenting. I wouldn't expect you to understand that though, because you are the best at everything.

Reasoned arguments are evidently not your forte, so that is why i included the last bit.

Has she weaned well? What food/milk does she get from 3pm onwards? Do you have a set bath and bed time?

it's conversations like that that i wish to avoid....

You have no experience of 1yr olds.

And you also have no experience of babies that are having problems sleeping through the night.

If you accept it then that removes the stress of thinking you're doing a bad job of parenting.

It's gonna be due to bum, tum or gum. My guess would be gum. Keep her drugged up and maybe some teething crystals for her to munch on.

No, but dont let that stop you spouting forth as, after all, you are the oracle.

I don't know where people get the idea that babies sleep all night and that this is the 'norm', and therefore must be addressed as a problem.

Babies don't have 'regular' sleep patterns, and they wake at different times for all kinds of reasons; to expect them to get their heads down for 8 hours every night is wildly unrealistic.

The problem is much more to do with parents and their expectations than with kids, and it is something that goes away after a while, so my advice as a dad of three is stop worrying, accept that you will be tired and get on with it.

Smee - Premier Member

M_F - in being an expert on absolutely **** everything shocker....

Smee - Premier Member

No, but dont let that stop you spouting forth as, after all, you are the oracle.

I'm sure everyone else here can see this, but

[b][u][i]SMEE IN POT MEETING KETTLE SHOCKER[/i][/u][/b]

Now Jog On ****.

Whilst being his usual pleasant self. What a moron...

And one more little point for you trollingsmeefighter. The child is 1yr old and they have been having problems for six months. My girls are coming up 8 months. Go get a calculator then still say my experience isn't relevant.

Go get a calculator then still say my experience isn't relevant.

He has problems with calculations - he thinks he's been driving since 16...

Your experience isn't relevant. You do not have a 1yr old that hasn't been sleeping for 6 months. End of story.

The child is 1yr old and they have been having problems for six months. My girls are coming up 8 months. Go get a calculator then still say my experience isn't relevant.

My daughter slept as if she were dead, in fact, in the mornings I couldn't bear to look in case she was! (She wasn't)

My son howled the place down. Two things you could perhaps try 1) give your baby some rusk or rice or something like that to keep her little tummy full 2) have you got some friends or family who will take over for a night every now and then so you two can get away and sleep?

Oh yes, I almost forgot the most important thing, gripe water. Fantastic stuff.

My daughter slept as if she were dead, in fact, in the mornings I couldn't bear to look in case she was! (She wasn't)

My son howled the place down. Two things you could perhaps try 1) give your baby some rusk or rice or something like that to keep her little tummy full 2) have you got some friends or family who will take over for a night every now and then so you two can get away and sleep?

Oh yes, I almost forgot the most important thing, gripe water. Fantastic stuff.

Oops sorry, it posted twice for some reason.

We were having problems with ours till just after Christmas - well past 8 weeks. But patience (mainly from MrsM) and willingness to believe there would be a solution if we were prepared to experiment with things meant we seem to have now solved the majority of problems we had. Granted no two children are alike (which we know having two to deal with) but I maintain there usually are solutions if you are prepared to work them out and there is no reason to think you have to live with it.

I maintain there usually are solutions if you are prepared to work them out and there is no reason to think you have to live with it.

Stop bickering and sit on the naughty step the pair of you. 😈

Based on your sample size of two.

Just how many simultaneously-born offspring were you expecting him to have?

smee is having a break for a day..
But really!
Someone asks for advice about a baby not sleeping and two of you kick off into a pissing contest complete with abuse about who knows more about babies sleeping!

Grow up kids!

And through the anecdotal knowledge of the approx 15 various friends and family offspring all aged from 6 weeks to 5 years. Only one had serious long-term issues which were eventually solved when they listened to advice and put a good routine in place.

A days ban is a bit harsh for such a throw a way comment.

Have i logged on to my wife's computer?
Is this mumsnet?

Damn it there's a banning comment and i miss it. Bit harsh though there's plenty more offensive things written with out so much as a word.

we've got a pretty good routine - about to have bath time - I think we might need more drink during the day at nursery and check she's getting enough food.

As others have said, esp M-F, he speaks common sense.
I've had 3 children, my daughter slept through from day 7 and still does, now 10, my boys on the other hand always woke up hungry so making sure they had supper and milk, bring the wind up they went off bed. When they woke during the night it was pick up, check nappy, into my bed, attach child to breast then everyone fell asleep. They grew out of it, eventually, but I wouldn't have done it any other way. Now they sleep all night and I wake them each morning, I have never had early risers which I couldn't have coped with.

I have never had early risers which I couldn't have coped with

Fnarr fnarr.

Oh, stoppit!

Our 2 1/2 year old has only slept through the night when she has been ill - about 10 nights in total. She wakes every night at 11ish and 2:30 ish I don't think its noise related as she does it even if we are not at home. I think it's bad dreams/sleepwalking because when our 8 mmonth old was born I spent a few weeks sleeping on the floor of her room so I'd be able to settle her quickly and noticed that if she had got up and I laid her back down before she started crying she stayed asleep, once she started screaming she would only settle by sleeping with me or her mum.
I've been told by my mum that I was nearly 5 before I slept through.

BTW second the advise to drop the night feeds if you're sure she's had enough through the day.

Been thinking about this a bit more and it does seem it might be food related - it has been going since she was 6 months. Was she sleeping better before? Was it around the same time you started to wean her? We were given advice to do a 12 midday/4pm/7pm feed routine giving milk with solids apart from the last feed. This didn't work and one or both girls woke every night. So we tried the routine we have now - it means more feeds during the day but with the trade-off that they are now sleeping better so consequently more active during the day - I don't know if it is connected but their development seems to have improved at a quicker rate since they started sleeping better.

It is also important to make sure she gets good naps during the day - daft as it sounds, the less sleep they get during the day the worse they often sleep at night.

I've just found something you could borrow, pop it outside her bedroom door and I doubt you'll hear a peep from her?

Hey Rob, will give you a call tomorrow but hang in there, as others on here have said sprogs are all different and what's worked for us may not be solutions for you. It may be you need to mix things up a bit if she's settling into a (bad) routine, and see what works.

And don't let any of the twunts at your lovely place of employment give you a hard time either 😉

@lankygit - the man's biking time is suffering, I never get him out any more and we're pairing at Set2Rise - this is very bike-related! 🙂

A couple of sort of medical points. The baby powders mentioned early on appear to be purified camomile and thus from the little I know a good option for a sleepless child. But it is a drug. Gripe water contains alcohol - use with caution.

As for the Smee / MF spat. I really see why Smee got annoyed but really a bit OTT there Smee old chap. MF your posts on children do exude a smugness and a certainty at times that seems unwarranted - although I do understand why having followed the saga of conception on here. There are more right answers than the ones you have.

I feel your pain - our 3 year old is usually awake at 5am and quite often stirs during the night. We've tried everything, just seems he doesn't sleep as much asother kids. It affects you in so many ways and really pushes your relationship!

By way of a disclaimer, the first thing to remember is that all kids are different and they all behave in different ways.
Ergo, what I am about to say may prove to be utterly useless. Then again, it may not.
There is a perfectly logical assumption that kids wake because they are hungry.
What we found, twice, was that there comes a point when they stop waking because they are hungry and start waking because they are just in the habit of doing so.
Assuming you're not operating on short rations, I would say you've reached the point.
Rather than the 'controlled crying' approach, I'd offer a bottle, but with water rather than milk.
If they're thirsty, they'll drink it, but if they're just after the warm, full tummy feeling they get after a bottle of milk, they'll get bored after a few days and give it up.
All I can is that it worked for us, but it needs patience
I'd call it quits with the milk though. That's a road of pain and suffering.

I understand the OP's mental condition as our son woke every 90mins until he was 15months old and it was demoralising in the extreme - especially for my wife as she was exclusively breastfeeding him for the first year and had to bear the brunt of it. My attention span was like a goldfish and I found a long day at work very difficult and never felt like I had much energy. As first-time parents, we tried so many different "solutions" that I'm sure it added to the problem in the end. Nothing worked and the truth seems to be that a switch in his head clicked at about 16 months and he just started sleeping 7pm-7am which he has done ever since. We've got a 2nd kid at 3 months old at the mo and she sleeps ok (3 hours at a time) - but we are a bit more relaxed about it this time as we've been through it before.....

Just stick at it 🙂

cheers, the more I think about it the more I think its food related during the day. The weekends when she's had lots of water she's been better at night.

On the plus side I should easily stay awake for set2rise in May!

adrian - work mess will be over soon hopefully if they knuckle down and get on with it!

Cool, you can do my night laps for me then. What's that, they all are? Excellent! 😉

"If they knuckle down"... hmmm, I see a fatal flaw in there somewhere...

Relax it's normal...and it doesn't last forever...
You can get round the first waking up by waking her up at [b]your[/b] bed time and giving a bottle. Otherwise, if the only thing that works in the night is milk, you have your answer...

We did the water-only thing that Jamesr suggests to break our twos' habit of drinking milk in the night. Also with me going in, rather than my wife, as she'd breastfed them.

have you tried reading her this thread before bed time? villains, heros, wise old sages...what's not to like? 🙂

My ha'penny - my oldest didn't sleep through until 3 years old and still wakes sometimes. We tried everything and it didn't make a blind bit of difference. She was also a right pain to get to sleep.

Our second is 20 months and stil doesn't sleep through but goes to sleep much more easily. I think if we pushed it we could get number 2 to sleep through but we're now so used to being up in the night (3 times) that we don't bother. We take turns doing nights and go to bed early!

If you do think it is food related do try different things to break the habit - as I said earlier, we tried two different approaches as the first one didn't work. Not that either of our approaches will necessarily work (as has been rightly stated, everyone is different) but the point being is that you don't have to accept it as being normal until you have exhausted all the options. And don't just try something once or twice then leave it if it hasn't worked - you do need a few days at it so she will start to know it is part of her routine.

And the milk in the night is probably a habit now, but assuming she has fed well, it might be a habit borne out of needing the contact with you, not out of hunger. There are several ways of approaching this (such as the Pick Up, Put Down technique). We tried a simple touch technique - if one of our girls wakes, we put one hand on her chest (firm pressure so she feels it) and stroke her head until she starts to settle. This way she knows we are there and usually starts to settle again.

But as it has been said, these may not work for you and yes I am just giving an opinion based on my experience rather than someone else's opinion based on their experience 😉

Give baby a "Dream Feed".

Similar to what I_did_dab says, but you don't wake them up. Pick the baby up (still asleep) at about 10pm and bung a bottle in her/his mouth. They drink it, still asleep, then you put them down. The disturbance is just enought to reset the sleep pattern and the full belly should get you through til 5 or 6, and it should get better from there with time.

Worked for my two, and you can keep going up to about 18 months - by which time yer kid'll be sleeping as it should. Don't worry about people saying it's a step backwards, it's whatever works FOR YOU, and I'm telling you, the best way to be the best parent you can be is to make sure you're getting the rest you need.

Gina Ford's a pretty good reference, but there are a number of other good books giving other perspectives. If you read a number of different methods you can work out the combination of methods that works best for you, rather than just blindly implementing. The Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg) books give an interesting perspective too.

Sweet dreams!

The [url= http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html ]Baby Whisperer[/url] technique (routine, shush pat, pick up put down etc) worked a treat for our 1st, dummy for the 2nd 🙂 oh and dream feeds as above

They still wake up every now and then though (ie. perhaps 30% of the time one of them will wake up and need putting back in bed) - that's at nearly 4 and 15mths.

worked a treat for our 1st, dummy for the 2nd

OP - you have my sympathy, I've been there too. My eldest didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours at any time until he was 14 months old, and every single putting-down was a massive fight.

He just seemed to be ideologically opposed to sleep, and it was tough all round - coincided with me getting a promotion at work where all of a sudden it seemed to matter what time I showed up, and that I didn't fall asleep in the middle of meetings.

What was worse was the way it dominated conversation between me and mrs tyred, even when we got out for a meal for non-baby time it was all we could talk about. We had several health visitors round to advise us in a "here's what to do" way - they all left slightly shellshocked with tyred jr screaming his head off no closer to sleeping.

In the end a colleague took pity on me and gave me the Dr Ferber(sp?) book about sleep training, and advice on how to do it. We talked it over for ages - her advice was that both of us had to be 100% committed to the idea or it wouldn't work - then finally went for it, the full-on controlled crying approach. It was horrific for the first week, the first couple of nights saw mad screaming for over two hours, but we carefully wrote down everything that happened, and realised after day 5 we were definitely moving in the right direction. It was somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks when he finally did it, slept from bedtime to just before 6am. We were awake most of the night, expecting the normal carry on, so were as shattered as usual but completely overjoyed. From there, we just kept it up and within a month or two had a proper sleep pattern that, with the odd blip, saw him sleep regularly from 8pm to 6am.

He's nearly 5 now and still an early riser - some kids are just made that way - but a reliable sleeper, he just doesn't seem to need much. Still a sleep rebel at heart.

When his little brother came along we were ready for him! We gave him 2 months to settle into a routine, then went took a sleep-training approach which worked quickly because he was so young. He sleeps much longer than his older brother, I guess they're just made differently.

I really wish you and your mrs the best of luck - its a very trying time, but remember you're in it together and it won't last forever.

Oh! Same as Crispy - I should have said [i]not[/i] to wake up properly, i.e. dim lights, low voices, no conversation.

It's a very 'political' subject, totally agree with baby whisperer book, found Gina a bit rigid for our taste and non-conformist kids, and won't say what I think about 'controlled crying'...

i.e. dim lights, low voices, no conversation.

our 18 month old will only sleep through the night if you tire the little dynamo out all day! If he's had a 'normal' day of playing etc, he will almost certainly wake at least once during the night, but if we keep him running about all day (usually with other little ones) he sleeps through.

Our 3.5 year old is a totally different story, had no problems with him til he was 3, now he will sneak into our bed at about 3am, then cajole me to get up with him between 5 - 5:30am. To be fair though they're both asleep when I get home from work so I 'try' to look at it as a glass half full. I actually get to spend a couple of hours with the boys before I leave for work in the morning.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Work out how much sleep you actually need and adjust accordingly. I rarely used to be in bed much before midnight, now I'm usually in bed just after 10pm. It's not that tough, and at the end of day a small sacrifice to make for the first few years.