AFAIK you are trying to land both wheels at the same time, or the rear slightly earlier. Obviously this means you need to pull up more if you are dropping to flat. If you land the front wheel first you are more likely to lose control/wash out.
If you are dropping to an incline or 'transition', you need to get your bike to roughly match the angle of the landing.
Drops to flat are quite hard on the bike, so you will need to absorb impact with your arms, legs etc. For very slow drops to flat you can do a wheelie drop – i.e. wheelie off the drop to try and land both wheels at the same time. I wouldn't do it off a big drop though, as I find it harder to absorb the impact!
Sounds like you might know all this, so I would guess all you need to do is practice, build up confidence and remember that sometimes speed is your friend!