Wtf is a bap?

I presume you mean a barm?

I can still taste MDF and pine sap.

So, now you’re starting to sound like Jilly Goolden. Man points deducted.

I suspect Chuck Norris would have smashed his way into the artisan bakery, and made his own artisan bread… Out of real artisans.

Chuck Norris would only eat artesian bread.

My lunch was a bag of crisps eaten at the wheel of my van whilst stuck in traffic between appointments 🙁
(Morrisons own brand salt and vinegar if you were wondering)

Didn’t even have any water to wash them down with as I had to use the last of it to mix a small amount of quick setting cement to fill a rat hole.

Yep, I’m living the dream.

A bap is a scottish term for a normal bread roll, no idea what a barm is though?

Manliness is a word you read in your girlfriend’s copy of Women’s Own. You failed at the first hurdle you sad bastard.

I’ve just reclaimed my manliness…

So how did you lose it ?

Bought a delicious-looking artisan apple and walnut granary loaf to dunk in my soup today, but then realised that I don’t have a bread knife at work.

So I cut it using a large wood saw… And I’ve never felt so manly!

That’s all.
Next it’ll be quiche… 😐

So how did you lose it ?

Did you not read the bit about the fruit cake artisan loaf 😉

Next it’ll be quiche…

Cut with a jigsaw.

A bap is a scottish term for a normal bread roll, no idea what a barm is though?

I live in that awkward no-mans-land of the north-west when it comes to describing those small, ovoid bread products.

Over the centuries, we’ve absorbed various onslaughts from the north, as Glaswegians descend on Blackpool with their deep-fried spam baps. We’ve repelled several advances from those tight-fisted ****s to the east, with their “tea-cakes”, and we’ve welcomed exotic travelers from the south with their cobs and breadbuns.

So most terms are acceptable in this part of the world, but if it’s floury it’s a bap, and if it’s crusty it’s a cob.

I hope that clears things up.

Over the centuries, we’ve absorbed various onslaughts from the north, as Glaswegians descend on Blackpool with their deep-fried spam baps*

Only if it’s “taps aff” or a hen night.

*baps is a commonly used euphemism for breasts.It is a “pune” or play on words. See also: Diddies.