After this one have some more kids, Epicylo made a v good point

Ignore other parents on how great their wee darlings are sleeping and eating, they’re probably not great at all.

Some mums seem to get really competitive for some reason, they are all different believe me, we have 4 kids youngest is 4 on Monday the others are 6, 8 & 10.

As i type I have my three week old sleeping quietly on my chest while wife has a nap too. it’s a brief moment of bliss.

my advice for dads well being:

get out and ride as much as you can pre baby

try to protect a day an evening a week for doing something active – it’s very easy to put on loads of weight once they are born

get an amazon prime subscription. the best things ever for nappy purchasing.

take as much time off as you can

realise that babies aren’t as hard work as we think they should be. I know this because I have two, and the majority of the work is keeping a 2 year old occupied and happy.

Try not to take things your wife says/does too personally. Pregnancy/motherhood sends em round the twist!

The first few weeks will fly by – take videos and pictures. lots of them.

You’ll be fine. I have a 9 week old and never really wanted kids. Now I can’t really understand why I didn’t want them. I haven’t ridden my bike for 3 months (the weeks immediately before birth are kind of out of bounds in terms of leaving your partner for anything other than essentials) and I’m not really that bothered. Which is weird as cycling (mostly on my own as I’m a bit of a miserable git) is what I love most. And now sitting with my son seems to be a pretty ace way to spend the day. Although I am kind of looking forward to a ride one day soon!

Everything people say about changing life perspective is true too. It’s awesome.

We are 7 1/2 weeks in. Things are fine – different to before, but absolutely fine. We mentally prepared for Armageddon with screaming, no sleep and only just surviving, but the reality is much more civilised. We have had a few nights where Tarka only woke up once, but mostly he wakes twice for some scoff and a pee. Babies can seem pretty crap for the first couple of weeks – it is quite normal for Dads not to feel much towards a newborn, so don’t panic if that happens with you, but things will slowly creep up on you when they start smiling.

Some tips;

-Don’t listen to other’s advise, as all babies react differently. Try new things out (winding techniques f’rinstance)
-Aldi nappies are ace and cheap as chips.
-Buy all your stuff second hand – our £1700 buggy / seat thing was £400 from a Facebook group, and our £400 off road buggy was £100.
-Book NCT classes – you’ll either learn lots (we didn’t) or meet some great friends (we did) who will all be going through the same things at the same time. This has proved a fabulous support network for both of us – the girls go out for coffee and buggy walks, the boys eat curry and drink beer. Set up a WhatsApp group for middle of the night crises – one for mums and one for dads.
-Breastfeeding is cheap, clean, always there and cannot possibly involve middle of the night feeding for Dad. Winner.
-If bottle feeding, take turns to do the night shift. There is no point both of you waking up overnight and both being grouchy the next day. If you are not on night shift, sleep in another room with ear plugs in.
-Look after your wife – she may appear to be doing well, but send her our on her own for a walk / coffee / anything to get out of the house regularly.
-Subscribe to Amazon Prime to save trips out for little things you could get posted out
-Get a snot sucker (we have a Nuk bulb thing) to clear blocked noses. Hold bogey size competitions.
-If you ever see baby grows with a zip from ankle to neck, buy them all. Makes changing 200% easier. Poppers are better than buttons, but still slow.
-Take pics with a proper camera. They grow (and time passes) very quickly.
-Stock up the freezer with lots of pre-cooked meals; lasagne, bolognaise sauce, whatever you like. It turns supper from a mission into a microwave job, and you still eat well instead of calling for a takeaway.
-If you have a girl, resist the temptation to make her wear an odd forehead-ribbon-flower thing. They look silly.
-If you have a boy, resist the temptation to start ‘stocking up’ on Lego Technic, model railway layouts and Nerf guns. Your wife might not like it. Mine doesn’t.
-Guests should be welcomed as they always bring presents, but make it abundantly clear that they have to help themselves to drinks and ideally bring cake / meals for you all.
-Get a tumble drier if you haven’t already got one. Same deal with a dishwasher.

I was properly non-plussed about the idea of a baby – I love children but not babies. In real life, it has been very straight forward and gets gradually better the whole time. Enjoy it – you’ll be fine.

When the little one’s ready, get the IKEA high chair. It’s awesome.

More great tips from the STW hive. Thank you so much!

Congratulations. You’ll be fine. If you only ever read one book on bringing up children, make sure it is “Toddler Taming”. A nice dose of common sense.

Oh and parents that read books on child rearing aren’t really the target audience.

As for advice: Babies can cry for 26 minutes for no reason at all. After you’ve checked both ends, bedding and room temperature, put them back and leave them to it. Not easy advice, but see above!

Mine made it to adult and adolescence unscathed.

EDIT: and to save you some bike money, this is my top tip: CHEAP pram, EXPENSIVE buggy. Everyone buys the latest and greates do it all Thunderbird 7 multi-device. Six months later and it will be in the garage (taking up bike space) and you’ll be pushing a Maclaren like every parent. They all learn the hard way – buy used 😉

You need to agree and your wife’s view trumps yours but if you can breast feed and use real nappies as opposed to disposable ones you will save a fortune . Breast feeding is also really convenient , re useable nappies and baby wipes are no more of a hastle than disposal ones and help save the planet ( at the expense of your washing machine )
Oh and the ideal number of muslins and baby grows is n+10 .
Whatever size baby grow you buy pre birth your baby will be a different size.

And 5-6 months? FFS you should be aiming for 5-6 WEEKS to have a routine.

All mine were sleeping thru by then.

+1 for the ikea high chair.
After a year my only advice is trust in what you feel. If you are concerned with how the baby is then see a doc.
But beyond that just do what you think is right as you won’t be far off.
Just don’t be afraid if one or the other of you is getting too stressed with the child to tell them to go somewhere else for a while and let you take over.
It’s awesome but bloody hard work. Wouldn’t change for the world now though.
And you can keep riding but you need to be realistic many rides a week is out, but getting out shouldn’t be impossible

– Stockpile the childcare vouchers now if you’re planning on sending the child to nursery.
– Buying used stuff is all well and good, but be prepared for Mum to put her foot down on certain things.
– Do some things for yourself. I try and get out once a month with mates, bike trips, watch some sport, go to the movies that sort of thing.
– Breastfeeding is great. Help your wife out as much as you can to help her do it. This means meal prep, good meals with good quality food and balanced nutrition.
– Sometimes babies just cry even if they’ve been fed, have slept, have a dry nappy and have been winded. Keep your shit together when this happens.
– Do not martyr yourself.
– Do not argue about who is more tired.
– You have something like 18 weeks of unpaid parental leave a year. I took over a month off on top op paternity to spend with my family. It was awesome.
– Take lots of photos and videos. You will not recognise that little baby in the photos in 6 months’ time.
– Be prepared to bed-share or co-sleep. Having this little creature completely dependent on you slept next to you in bed is an incredible thing.
– Save as much money as you can to tide yourself over the hump when statutory payment stops for your partner.
– Parents can be a bit funny about how you parent.
– Remember as a father you need the freedom to parent how you want.

Enjoy it. It’s great!

If early days, try not to get too excited, being pregnant does not necessarily end with a baby in your arms.
Your wife will never be the same again. You will learn what patience truly is.

Our first is due in a week….. This thread is a godsend, thanks all 😀

Brilliant advice on here already.

My advice (As someone who worried about being a good dad before the birth) is to relax, you will be fine. The fact you are concerned, indicates you have a good attitude towards your forthcoming responsibility.

Enjoy them being babies and small. They grow up so quickly!

With regards breastfeeding, yes breastfeeding is the best option and there is often a lot of pressure put on mothers to do so. Absolutely give it a go. HOWEVER – if she struggles then your wife should not feel that she’s been a failure in any way if she chooses to formula feed. A well fed baby is what your after, not keeping others happy.

We struggled with breast feeding initially and our first child was not gaining weight and we didn’t realise it. We helped him along with some formula and the breasfeeding kicked in after a while.

It’s not always obvious whats going on so don’t hesitate to check with the midwife.

Rich.

I was discussing this with my wife and her thoughts were:

1. Take everything anyone says with a pinch of salt, particularly if they haven’t had a baby in the last 18 months (you forget fast!)
2. Read up about the 4th trimester and how to best deal with that – ours were a struggle for those first three months.
3. If it feels hard it’s because it is hard and it isn’t because you’re doing anything wrong.
4. There’s no such as a typical baby and everything changes all the time anyway – bad phases don’t go on forever.

Our younger one just turned one… It’s really great but can be really really really hard. His random wakings ended up giving my wife chronic acute insomnia – it’s lucky he’s such a delight during the day as he’s been the main cause of her almost completely losing the plot. We’re recovering now but it’s far from easy.

She just added, she found anyone saying “this technique is great, this book is really helpful” was terrible because if it didn’t work for her it made her feel like a failure. All babies are different. It’s worth noting that the most famous baby technique person, Gina Ford, has no children of her own – her techniques work for lots of people but don’t work for just as many or more. If she’d had two children of her own and found the method didn’t work for one of them, what would she have done?

I should add that I love being a parent!

Another addition from my wife – if she wants to breastfeed and is having struggles (which is very common), forget the NHS midwives and health visitors and go straight to a private lactation consultant. The NHS advice and expertise on breastfeeding is extremely inconsistent and hit and miss. Breastfeeding problems have to be sorted fast. Apparently the Kelly Mom website is good for a wide range of breastfeeding advice.

And if the baby doesn’t like being put down, get a sling!

Good luck!

Enjoy them being babies and small. They grow up so quickly!

This is the sort of thing you read when you’re going through the toughest time you’ve ever had, that makes you want to either jump off a cliff or kill whoever said it. How old is your youngest jamj? 😉

It’s still raw for me but my daughter was seriously challenging as a baby (she’s a delightful 3.5 year old now) and my son has been even worse (thank god he’s a toddler now). My wife’s insomnia is so bad she can’t go to sleep with me breathing in the same room, so I’m either on the sofa or the spare bed in my daughter’s room, and she’s constantly exhausted. It’s getting better as he grows up and is less hideous during the nights. We had one run of five nights where my wife couldn’t sleep at all, apart from a brief collapse at about 6am, and unsurprisingly she went a bit mental.

So don’t “enjoy them being babies” because it might be pretty ghastly for a while. But DO enjoy all the little delights, all the small moments and happiness and good things – they’re what will sustain you through the tough times. Every day can have the highest highs and the lowest lows – it makes the life you knew before seem very bland…

Also, advice from most men of older generations is irrelevant because often they were little more than vaguely aware of there being some smaller humans in the house. How many nappies did our fathers change? My Dad was very involved with us once we were small boys but not as babies (he’d be 67 now).

What everyone else said , but the one thing I would recommend looking into is dream feeding . Basically babies will still suck on a bottle even when they are asleep so once you have a routine set you can get some milk into them before they wake up hungry . Made night feeds a lot easier for us . And stryder make the best balance bikes 😀

Listen to everyone’s advice and then do what works for you.
My wee boy just turned 1. I’m 43. I’d never have coped 10 years ago with the cub and the missus PND (which is very very common).
Get involved, do as much as you can and your other half will love you for it.
Buy a Ewan the Dream Sheep. Fantastic piece of kit, sent me right off to sleep.
Good luck. It’s ace.

With regards breastfeeding, yes breastfeeding is the best option and there is often a lot of pressure put on mothers to do so. Absolutely give it a go. HOWEVER – if she struggles then your wife should not feel that she’s been a failure in any way if she chooses to formula feed. A well fed baby is what your after, not keeping others happy.

So much this ^^

Listen to everyone’s advice and then do what works for you.

Hell yes, a lot of that too! ^^

This is the sort of thing you read when you’re going through the toughest time you’ve ever had, that makes you want to either jump off a cliff or kill whoever said it. How old is your youngest jamj?

😳 😉 😳 Guilty! Our twin boys are 9. Daughter 11.

Best put a spare £50 note in your wallet, as it’s good etiquette to buy everyone in the pub a cigar when you get the phone call to say the baby has been safely delivered. You might also want to get a taxi to the hospital at closing time instead of walking – earn some brownie points by getting there earlier than expected.

We did dream feeding which worked great for a while, meant she went down at 7:30, dream feed at 11, sleep til 5am-ish, feed again, sleep til 8ish. This was pretty good for such a tiny baby. But it recently stopped working and we’ve dropped it. Gone back to one night feed and she’s sleeping more peacefully around it.

Someone said about routine and sleeping through from 5-6 weeks. This is fine, routine is great, but your baby might not respond just like that and sleep through. Ours certainly doesn’t, despite routine being instigated asap, because they’re all different. You can’t account for how much he/she will weigh or how well she copes with digesting milk or any number of factors.

And yes, whatever size clothes/nappies you’ve got, they’ll probably be wrong! Our little one was really little despite being only two days early. We had her in clothes for premature babies for ages and she won’t fit into half the stuff we’ve got for her for a long time yet!

I’m a bit late to the party, but I thought this was so accurate it needed repeating, especially the last two sentences:

anagallis_arvensis – Member
Most books are bullshit. Talk to family if you can. You’ll be fine, might take a while I was expecting a bolt of lightening or something when kid was born, it never happend. Then a few months down the line you suddenly realise you’d jump underca bus gladly for this thing. Its great dontvworry, enjoy it.
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anagallis_arvensis – Member
Most books are bullshit. Talk to family if you can. You’ll be fine, might take a while I was expecting a bolt of lightening or something when kid was born, it never happend. Then a few months down the line you suddenly realise you’d jump underca bus gladly for this thing. Its great dontvworry, enjoy it.

POSTED 1 DAY AGO # REPORT-POST

This!!

You’re about to become an expert on poo.

BTW breastfeeding isn’t free. You’ll find your credit card bill has literally hundreds each month spent on coffee and cake. My wife seemed to do a daily cake crawl around the cafes.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t feel an instant ‘bond’ with baby. With my daughter it took me 24 hours of feeling confused, shocked and a bit overwhelmed before I felt the connection. With my boys it took longer than I expected – didn’t really happen until we took them home, several weeks after birth. I think when you are stressed and worried or maybe just run ragged – this connection can take longer.

Babies are crap: they scream and demand instant attention, and you won’t even get a smile out of them for a few months. But they’re nothing like as delicate as you think, as you’ll realise if you ever have a second one. 99% of the time it’s either food / cleaning / tired. All of which have a simple solution. The other 1% is easily identifiable with an in-ear thermometer.

Personally I’d definitely get a book, although it may not be 100% accurate 100% of the time it will at least give you an idea of what to expect, and a decent starting point. But then NCT classes don’t exist where I live, and may be a better option. Certainly a more sociable one 🙂

I’d definitely go with the bottle feeding during the night thing, it might not be free like breastfeeding but it does at least give the mother a chance to sleep every other night. And on that topic, my second and most important tip: make space for yourselves, both as individuals and as a couple. If you are bottle feeding either of you is equally capable of caring for the beast, so mum can get out on a Saturday morning for a coffee with friends, and you can get out on your bike for a couple of hours on Sunday. And if grandparents are around, you can head out as a couple for a quick meal on Friday night, too. (If you’re not bottle feeding pumps are available, of course…)

Like I said: babies are crap. They get better. I wouldn’t change my two (12 and 16) for anything in the world 😀

BTW breastfeeding isn’t free. You’ll find your credit card bill has literally hundreds each month spent on coffee and cake. My wife seemed to do a daily cake crawl around the cafes.

Reading between the lines here, there are cafes that serve coffee and cake from breasts? Holy **** shit, why isn’t this on the news?

I’m 40 and my daughter is 9 months, we left it later than our friends but it doesn’t feel too late.
Listen to close friends and family and use them for support but remember your child is unique so what worked for them may not work for you. My wife has a few parenting books but isn’t too bad at following the latest parenting fad, unlike some I’ve heard of.
Don’t neglect the relationship with your other half, help when you can and give her a break and also be prepared to pick your battles and soak up the metaphorical punches when shes had it tough some days.
Riding and freedom has been cut down but it isn’t radical as some people had told me, I always needed my own time.
At 9 months my daughter is now getting proper interesting and I love her more and more.