The seeds need sowing in ‘warm’ soil and sow in March/April. Now the soil is not going to be warm is it?

Do I pour hot water on the soil, fit an electric element or cover in clear polythene and hope the sun comes out.

Please say polythene and then say how long it should cover the soil before it wil be warm

Black polythene for a couple of weeks. Or could you plant them in seed trays and transfer to the soil in a month or so?

Cover it with polythene or fleece for a few days and hope the sun comes out 🙂

Alternatively, plant in pots now then transfer to ground as seedlings?

you can always drink loads of beer then use the garden as a toilet

shit yourself in a sauna?

Dig up garden. Put soil in microwave. Defrost. Put it back. Or just sow in soil that is already warm (in sun, facing south etc.).

😉 @ davidrussell

Warm soil by getting a life vigorously on top of it.

Ask scottish football teams, they have to do it don’t they?