[Closed] heres one for you all - would you stay with a partner if they cheated on you?

Nope.

The range is too wide to give a proper opinion on it.

If I was with a girl a week I wouldn't want or expect monogamy from either her or myself. If I was married to the same girl I would.

Impossible to answer.

If your girlfriend cheated with another woman then perhaps good?! 😀

To this, Obi-wan responds, "Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes."

you sure that was obi?

If your girlfriend cheated with another woman then perhaps good?!

Is it any more acceptable if your partner cheats on you with someone of the same sex?

Only if I'm there at the same time 😀

how could you be sure it would never happen again if you forgive?

If you love someone is forgiveness not possible? Circumstances alter cases.

If it was an organised thing like a proper affair then def not, but if it was a one off woops then maybe i would have to look at the circumstances it maybe that you where the cause of it happening g

The short answer, no. most definitely not. Cheating is cheating, a one night stand is the same as an organised cheatathon. The thinking was already there before the one-off. If it happens once, it can happen again and there will always be a residue of mistrust on an emotional level.

I'd also go after the bloke for destroying the relationship.

I can understand why others would though as everyones thinking/idea of relationship-dynamic's are different.

Is it any more acceptable if your partner cheats on you with someone of the same sex?

Mmmm! Depends how you view it:

1. An opportunity
2. An embarrassment that you're so crap your other half cheats with a same sex partner

Whatever it is it's better than a horse 😯

G makes a good point a full on affair would be much harder to forgive than a one off event.
Would also depend on whether I wanted to save the relationship and also if there were kids.
Probably not though would take me years to calm down.
EDIT:

I'd also go after the bloke

Leave them the instant you find out. Delete all mobile and Email addresses, never contact them again.

No excuses, ever.

I'd also go after the bloke.

Really? With what justification?

Depends on the circumstances.
Would it be the same if you were the reason they cheated?

ourkidsam - Member

I'd also go after the bloke.

Really? With what justification?

He destroyed the relationship. Why should he get off scot-free? I don't think so.

not to be too un-cryptic with my answer but....

I didn't stick around, and wouldn't in the future either.

I understand if people find out or their other half admit to it and attempt to sort things out, but I think at that point the trust in the relationship's all but gone and you'd only end up stressing and tying yourself up in knots over it.

my 2p anyway.

[i]I'd also go after the bloke for destroying the relationship.[/i]

🙄

God I hope so.

I always cheat - mainly at Pictionary.

Hora - what if he didn't know your partner was with you?

Probably, yes.
As before, it depends on the circumstances, but sex is only one part of a relationship and if you love and like your partner and know them well, I think that a drunken one-night-stand is forgiveable.
It's certainly not worth splitting up a family for.

happened to me about a year into a five year relationship, it was never the same even though she fessed up to just on shag, i didn't even think about getting even, just felt really gutted and only about 50% as committed to the relationship for the remaining time.

ourkidsam:
Hora - what if he didn't know your partner was with you?

Hora don't care. He is the STW version of Charles Bronson.

>> I've also talked about this with Russian & French colleagues, who have a very different attitude.
In Russia, it's almost obligatory to have a bit on the side, for both sexes, and the French are tolerant to the point of not caring. Don't ask, don't tell, seems to be the motto

One of the reasons to go after the bloke would be to find out how much he knew. I most certainly wouldnt let him off the hook scot-free. Sorry. another aspect (back to future-trust) is how much of what she is telling you is the truth? I mean 'it was a one-night stand' could just be a cover for more under the surface? (i.e. she/he is saying 'honest its just a drunken one off' rather than they were careless and you happened to catch them this time?)

Going after the guy is opening up a can of worms but if someone has ripped open your world, dont you want to find out if there is another angle/another story other than your (cheating) partners?

He destroyed the relationship.

surely that would have been you if forgiveness were out of the question? If you actually love someone and care about their happiness then it might be that this would be a wakeup call rather than a breakup.

Quite probably, yes. I wouldn't want the entire structure of my life and my financial viability trashed by a partner's decision that she wanted to have sex with people other than me. As long as people's affairs are discrete and do not involve appropriating huge chunks of joint money then I don't see it as the end of the world. Sad, but both predictable and manageable. 😐

I work on the basis that if a relationship is good then it won't happen, and if it isn't well thats down to both parties.

Anyway, it'd be a bit hypocritical to get too high up on my horse......

He destroyed the relationship

I was assuming you meant 'go after the bloke [with a big stick]' but if you mean to have a chat - well, fair enough. I can't really see them wanting to give you many answers though.

yay I'm with hora, you lot are thinking to rationally. Hora on the other hand has put himself in the position and he's MAD go hora go get him, and I'll kick him after you floor him. 8)

[i]if someone has ripped open your world, dont you want to find out if there is another angle/another story other than your (cheating) partners?[/i]

Isn't the "real story" perfectly simple, always? She wants to have sex with somone who, crucially, isn't you. How is it the other bloke's fault that he isn't you? Waste of emotional energy and/or a silly response for people with an over-active pride gland. 🙂

Junkyard - Member

He destroyed the relationship

Do you really beleive it is a completes strangers fault your partner was unfaithful with him?
He owes you more than she does?

Going after him gives you more facts. If the ****er was doing this knowing about you I'd hardly let him off without some heat.

If she slept around, sorry. Relationship is over. I need to trust the other person. Trust broken, its over. I couldnt keep it going with residual resentment. Better a clean break than it to limp on into the sunset.

I come from a broken home if this helps the pseudo-internet Psychologists.

As for the violence aspect, whose to say it would be violent? He'd feel stress/heat etc and only if he turned on me would I turn back?

In addition, Im not in that position nor have been (yet?)- whose to say I wouldnt actually crumble and do something drastic to myself? Hypothesizing is great when its not yet reality.

Funnily, someone on my street was telling me there is a bloke who lives overseas who darent comeback to the UK as he had an affair with a neighbours wife and the threat to his wellbeing is real. I asked why doesnt he just live down south etc- apparently the lad has asked him to leave (and stay) in a certain country?!!! Crackers.

no mark it does not help to know your background but thanks for sharing

Why would you belive him more than her?
Say he loves her and chased her for years and on drunken night she made a mistake. Now he tells you they have been doing it for years becasue he wants her etc.
Fairly pointless talking to the other person IMHO and BD makes a good point the reasons are usually simple.

NO! once a cheat, always a cheet.

Back in 1987, I hated going to pubs, so when my wife occasionally wanted to go boozing she'd go with a male friend, and she few times she stopped over at his place. I wasn't exactly happy about that, but I trusted her not to do anything that would damage our relationship. Some time later she told me that he had tried it on but she hadn't been interested, but I'm not sure it would have made any difference if she hadn't turned him down. I can't say, had the circumstances been reversed, if she would have been so open minded, in fact now I come to think about it she was very jealous that I found her sister attractive, but because I knew that the matter never arose. Trust is trust.

What do you really need to know from this guy Hora? Really? How he managed to seduce your Mrs, how he managed to invade your territory and get what's yours? Cos it's really not like that - as BD (so very much more eloquently than I could ever) puts it, it's got f'all to do with who he is - it's your partner you need to be looking to.
To be honest it sounds a little misogynistic, as though poor little MrsH couldn't possibly have fought off his smooth advances and he's come in, clubbed her over the head and dragged her home. Truth is, she actually wanted to shag him

are ther any Women here? could we have your view please?

[i]are ther any Women here?[/i]

[img] [/img]

😉

very good, i though that would pop up but not that quick, i doth my cap to you Sir.

Hora, what if you saw bingo with another dog?

Hey true but unless you are IN that actual situation, how would you act? I could only say hand on heart that I'd chase down the subject to its conclusion and that includes the other party. Only then could I start to move on.

From a guy-perspective, for a guy to stray it can be 'dunno, it was just sex'. For a girl to stray though its not always 'just sex'. It can be more complex cant it? Girls just dont have a one night stand as they fancy a 'shag'.

I'm not a violent person so you cant assume I'd go 'after' the bloke to give him a kicking. It would be part of the healing process for me to want to rail at him and ask him 'WHY'? In addition I might go after the bloke and he might give me the kicking, I'd still need to go after him though to find out questions and the glimmer of answers.

Hora, what if you saw bingo with another dog?

Or......looking happier being stroked by another person? 😯

If she cheats on you then you need to take a good percentage of the blame IMHO. Going after the other bloke is you not being able to face that.

"Girls just dont have a one night stand as they fancy a 'shag'"

LOL, yes they do.

I was generalising. I mean if they were in a long relationship- the reasons would have to be more complex surely?

'WHY'

He either fancies or wanted to shag your partner I expect. Really you need to be asking her why.

[i]For a girl to stray though its not always 'just sex'.[/i]

I don't think it's "just sex" for men, frankly. Isn't it to do with having someone else bolster your self-esteem by giving you something to dream about which isn't dependant on the same fat-assed dullard who's been dragging you down for years? 🙂

No way would i be able to forgive. I've been there and couldn't/wouldn't put myself in that situation again.

IMO if a relationship means that little to your partner and they are prepaired to do something like that they are not worthy of being with me, I deserve more than that. Its a betrail of trust as far as I'm concerned 😐

The problem with this scenario is we all "think and believe" we all are perfect in keeping relationships - and boys and grils we aren't. Marriages, relationships break up for all manner of reasons not just flings and sometimes no matter how hard someone works at it, it still doesn't work. My ex had an issue with her age, all the women in her family died before they were 60, an hereditary illness. She felt she had things to do before she popped her clogs so she had an affair and left our kids! And no, I would never have her back. But that said I've not been squeaky clean and so it's the case of those without sin and the stone throwing crap. Before you make a quick judgement on your partner, please be honest with yourself and see how you have been and behaved etc. I truly believe there are very very few people who haven't done something they wouldn't like their partner do, even it was a drunken kiss/grope etc etc. Love the Life Of Brian picture - absolute classic 😀

Girls just dont have a one night stand as they fancy a 'shag'.

do we know this for a fact ? I think actually women are just as prone (haha) to this as men

If she cheats on you then you need to take a good percentage of the blame IMHO.

Sorry but this mentality is bollocks imo. Relationship problems need communication. If she dealt with it by shagging someone else then I'd cut her out of my life like a tumour.

NO mark no woman alive can seperate her emotions form sex ...it is one of the main reasons that we dont have aporn indusrtry or prostitution anymore. How is 1970 by the way? Will you take your medallion off before the fight or choke him with it during it?

And yes mark clearly all men can have sex without emotion... I feel so embarressed now apparently I have been letting the side down all my life.

Mister P - Member

If she cheats on you then you need to take a good percentage of the blame IMHO. Going after the other bloke is you not being able to face that.

In some cases, yes you might be to blame in part (violence to partner, emotionally cold etc etc) however if someone cheats then they are looking (possibly) for something that you couldnt have given them anyway. You need to find out as much detail* as possible as a simple 'forgive' wouldnt work either.

*Pics and vids not included you dioty-STW lot 🙄

Hora's forever trying to shag me. He just won't accept the fact that I'm well out of his league

Good points of view all round. I can appreciate Hora's "wounded animal" approach to the problem and I couldn't say 100% that I wouldn't feel that way too. However, much as it shocks me, I find myself agreeing with Mr. Barnes again on the concept of forgiveness. But surely if you love someone so much that you could forgive them it's only fair to expect them to love you enough not to stray.

[i]they are looking (possibly) for something that you couldnt have given them anyway. You need to find out as much detail as possible[/i]

So this is a form of learning from experience, rather than mere honour killing?

You'd hunt this guy down, and then whine "what were you giving her that I couldn't? Help me be better so that I deserve her love" 😕

STW adopting the morale high ground shocker 😉

There's a girl! Quick, catch it and ask it to tell us its secrets! 😀

Go BD top form today Sir 😆

Lets not get away from the fact - Its the ultimate betrayal.

Another bloke sticks himself into every conceivable hole of your once fair-missus. Rides her like there was no tomorrow and makes her scream his name from the tops of the trees to the ground that shakes from the movement of the bed.

To those that say they would talk it through and forgive. Tripe.

Mark, again your putting the focus on this other guy and not your knicker-dropping, philandering, reverse-cowgirling girlfriend

Chuckle at BD's last few posts!

I'm now happily married and hopefully won't have to face any of this ever again (!) touch wood.

Back in the day though, I've been on both ends of the cheating stick. A girl I was absolutely infatuated with went travelling, came back and told me straight out that she'd had a one night stand. I got over it, forgave her and eventually she asked me to marry her. I didn't, but that was down to me not being ready - the marriage would've meant moving abroad too...

I've also been a cheating toe-rag (in another life!) and wouldn't have expected any sympathy had I been caught - I eventually was BTW and got all I deserved.

If my wife did the dirty, I think I'd find it very, very hard to forgive and forget....

OK guys, here goes. Men have been known to be unable to keep it zipped up, women likewise 😯 Men don't have the monopoly on sex (awaits ribald comments).

There's loads of reasons why this could happen, we are not perfect, we all have egos and sometimes it can just happen. Moment of madness anyone?

You need to know WHY it has happened, you need to communicate cos most of the time people don't.

Mark, again your putting the focus on this other guy and not your knicker-dropping, philandering, reverse-cowgirling girlfriend

True. The only thing you could do is leave/end it asap. You might be able to retrue a wheel but you can't fix one with a cracked rim. 8)

There is always the fear that it actually turns you on....you ask her to film it next time and you become one of those wierd "peeping out of the wardrobe door'types that you never knew you were before until it happens... 😯

But surely if you love someone so much that you could forgive them it's only fair to expect them to love you enough not to stray.

love need not be symmetrical or contingent. If I were to be relatively unconcerned about infidelity then straying wouldn't be out of the question so long as my partner was sure it wouldn't affect our relationship.

i'd leave her. i'd expect that she'd leave me if i done it to her.

both very trusting though. lived apart for a long time and wouldn't see each other for long periods. each have a varied group of friends. she's got a couple of good male friends and i've good female friends.

not jealous. we respect each other.
i would kill her though.

You'd hunt this guy down, and then whine "what were you giving her that I couldn't? Help me be better so that I deserve her love"

Teehee!

I was wrong though. Hora's purpose in hunting the guy down is to get him to describe every lick and tickle, every thrust and grind, every bump and wriggle, every howl, all the throbbing, flapping, bouncing, tearing, gaping, begging, squirting, gushing and splattering in excrutiating detail. I'm still not clear why that would be good. 🙂

cinnamon_girl - Member

STW adopting the morale high ground shocker

I'm adopting no 'high-ground' whatsoever!!! How dare you! I resemble that comment!!! 😉

It's working for me BD! Don't stop when i'm so close.

LOL at BD. I dont want to type on a forum what I'd do. You never know if the prosecution might use this one day 😯

It's just sex.

Arghhh my pedantry meter is going into overdrive!!!!

'morale high ground'
'resemble that comment'

Are these supposed to be jokes that I am missing somehow? 😡 😡

no one strike and your out! i'd expect the same treatment too.

It's just sex.

I think one day we all hit a certain age where we'll see it as that.
What IF she turns round and says 'why not, Errol has a 12 inch monster' 😳

BigDummy - What ever you had for breakfast/lunch? I want some.

What IF she turns round and says 'why not, Errol has a 12 inch monster'

[url= ]Errol's 12 inch monster[/url]

OK guys, here goes. Men have been known to be unable to keep it zipped up, women likewise Men don't have the monopoly on sex (awaits ribald comments).

There's loads of reasons why this could happen, we are not perfect, we all have egos and sometimes it can just happen. Moment of madness anyone?

You need to know WHY it has happened, you need to communicate cos most of the time people don't.

i was tempted to put this same thread up last week, and have just had a txt

"wondering if you have a stw alter ego...."

ive gone through a few phases in the past year (almost to the day)
currently hoping your all wrong (other than CG) 🙁