It’s too early for coffee, I’ll have a scotch.

“I’m struggling to think of anything I care less about.”

“your face looks like it has seen your own arse!”

Said to an awkward member of staff

Me “its FIFO time”
Him “First in First Out?”
Me “no, Fit In or **** Off”

Also useful “does this look like the face of a man that gives a ****”, pointing at self.

Or when at a meeting to discuss a project that had gone way over budget “you’re spending MY bonus!”

Justification for archaeological works to developer:

“Those who would divine the future must study the past”
Confucius

APF

Best put down I ever had was from a lovely Lowland lass I was trying to charm.

“If patter was watter, ye’d drip”

Cartman fom South Park:

See how much I care. Look –> 😐