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Inspired by this piece of excellence;
sweepy - Member
The drive chain was pioneered by a Frenchman.
In the little village of railleur, hence the name.
I rather liked the one of getting a newbie in a bike shop to find a pair of Lefty compatible v-brakes.
Oh, and it's pronounced "Shy main oh" obviously.
Pro riders swallow electrolyte tablets so that they work faster.
I did once convince someone that High 5 Zero tabs were to be taken straight, not in water. Fizzy!
If your brakes squeal, oil them.
The "L" and "R" usually stamped onto pedals is to be used when the bike is inverted, resting on seat and handlebars. All drivetrain maintenance should be conducted with the bike in this position.
How's about that pro-cycling is cleanz now and it's all down to 'marginal gains'.... 
The police will fine you if you don't follow 'The Rules'
In your first 10tt don't worry about pace just go flat out from the start like everyonelse as its only 20odd mins.
(I hurt a lot)
You only need 10/11 gears.
When entering your first race, you need to fix a playing card to the fork so it flicks in the spokes. This is a safety feature to allow other riders to hear you when you are coming.
I thought that's what 'the rules' was?
It's a cheap hobby.
It doesn't matter what size your wheels are.... 😮
V brake adaptor for a Lefty, and left handed pedal spanner were old favourites.
Yeah, everything fits with everything else
Of course you wear pants under lycra
Of course, pro road cyclists shave everything below off below waist line. (Say hello to your new friends itchy & scratchy;))
The pinky red bits of roots has the most grip
zanelad - Member
It's a cheap hobby.
I was basically told this when encouraged to spend a lage amount* on my first proper MTB.
I quote. "Once you've got the bike and a helmet, it's basically free"
*£400
dknwhy - Member
Pro riders swallow electrolyte tablets so that they work faster.
I have seen my mate do that, He won't be swayed by my arguments that the water is an integral part of the hydration thing.
It's totally reasonable to have to service your forks every 15 hours
When cleaning your bike with a jetwash, really get in there round the bushings, hubs, BB etc to make sure you flush all the debris out.
It gets easier.
It's customary for newbies to buy the coffee and cakes!
You need to stay at the head of the bunch to show everyone you're not some newbie and chase down everyone who tries to build a gap.
The top of the climb is literally just round the next bend.
Manitou forks, "you've put those on the wrong way around..."
The best place to learn how to use SPD's is on the road before you try them offroad, and everybody gets used to them straight away
Members of the opposite sex are impressed by wheelies, skids and bunny hops
Just follow me, there's nothing too extreme on this singletrack.........
Just follow me, there's nothing too extreme on this singletrack.........
I still fall for that after 20 years...
When riding in a group on the road, always ride half a wheel in front of the person you're alongside to show how strong you are.
riding a mountain bike makes you interesting.
I told my boyfriend it was illegal to unicycle in the Peak District National Park. He believed me for months.
Show your respect to other riders by waving to them with your middle finger 😆
kimbers - Member
Members of the opposite sex are impressed by wheelies, skids and bunny hops
This one is true though.
If you want real advice sign up to STW and ask Hora.
Red bikes are always faster,
law stated logos and valves should line up on wheels.
always wear underpants under shorts.
magazines always offer impartial advice on bikes, and the most expensive one is always the best,
Road cyclist dont need mudguards on group road rides,
Green bikes are fastest...FACT! 😀
You only need one bike.
when climbing "we're nearly at the top"
I eat electrolyte tabs raw.. I like the fizzy taste!
Lies.. I dunno I guess you could tell people they'll never be a proper cyclist until they run single speed?
Edit.. As above.. We're nearly at the top, it's all downhill after this brow.. Lol.. Done that one a few times!
That's just reminded me of a bit of "guide speak" we've encountered.
"This next sections a bit draggy"*
*1000M climb with 200M hike a bike in the middle.
singlespeedstu - MemberThat's just reminded me of a bit of "guide speak" we've encountered.
Traverse = climb
Undulates = goes upwards
Cheeky climb = book the air ambulance
4 more switchbacks on the climb = 8 more switchbacks, apparently they come in pairs in France
Mtb tyres need 50psi, road bike tyres 100psi.
Deep heat is really good to use as chamois cream. Especially for women 😯
Nah, you'd have to be an evil got to do that 👿
"It gets easier"
😆
The left over water from strained pasta is an excellent energy drink.
And what is wrong with 100psi ?
If you ride at that bog fast enough, you'll go straight through it(closely followed by OTB into head to toe foul smelling filth).
26" wheels were banned by the EU
Undulating only comes out when you have said there are no more climbs one time to many...
Guide Speak?
3 grades of trail with Yvan in France
It is OK
It is a little Rocky
You may die
Little lies?
Roadies are not miserable bar stewards, they are just concentrating too hard on not falling off to acknowledge anyone else.
mikewsmith - Member3 grades of trail with Yvan in France
It is OK
It is a little Rocky
You may die
You forgot "The next trail, it's not so good..." But yep. "This trail... maybe we crash? We go?"
ah yes the one between a little rocky and you may die 😉
Such a fun trip
Oh and when somebody new to the group asks if it will be fine on a HT just point to the other bloke on a HT who could probably ride down anything without blinking and say yeah he does fine...
Not strictly relevant here, but loving the 'guidespeak' ones and reminds me a ski guide in Chamonix.
At various points on the tour he'd warned us of crevasses and told us "If you fall here, do not try to get up, we will ski back and help you back upright"
Until the section where he started "If you fall here, do not try to get up........... we will ski back later and put a cross up where you fell"
Northwind - Member
It's totally reasonable to have to service your forks every 15 hours
Are you a fox rep?
Some of those are a bit too close to some of the actual advice I've heard:
"well, I suppose it'd be Ok as a shopping bike or for commuting but you're going to need to get something for off road if you come out again" (aimed at my Swift after going out with a new group for the first time, the dispenser of the advice couldn't ride his gnarpoon for toffee.
"you need to only look at 650b wheels or bigger" aimed at some newbies on £400 giant hardtails who were asking questions about what to upgrade to. I mean come on, we'd been riding the same trails for years on 26" bikes, and now they're no longer suitable? Because the group defiantly didn't get faster. I told them to go on ebay and pick up a 26" bargain.
You'll learn more on a hardtail.
"Come on you'll enjoy it"
"this is the best bit"
"Not far now"
"Nearly there"
"It's all downhill from here"
As an aside there were quite a few ladies around Cannock at the weekend. No disrespects but some of the overheard comments seemed to sum up the hopelessness of the situation e.g.
"How do you expect me to ride up there? It's too steep and I'm in the wrong gear" (start of the Monkey)
"Is it all like this? It's horrible" (monkey on the way to Five Ways)
"How much further is it?" (various)
"What's the most direct way back to the visitor centre?" (various)
🙂
On joining The Mid Devon Cycling club in the 80's and riding with Colin Lewis*; you only need a 42-21 around here, and in the bunch dont brake put your elbows out.
*The only Welsh man to have completed the TDF, in case you dont know your history.
The only Welsh man to have completed the TDF, in case you don't know your history
I'm sure Luke Rowe and Geraint Thomas might argue that point.
I'm sure Luke Rowe and Geraint Thomas might argue that point.
I assumed he meant at that point in time.
Yes thanks hexhamstu, i did!!
one for the roadie café
" I'll get the coffee while you tell that guy he's forgotten to put the dust caps back on his valves "
Only the weak use the smaller chainring.
To new member on first road club ride:
"See that old duffer* over there? He always struggles on club runs. Tell him you'll look after him and give him a push if he needs it."
[i]*The late Roger Queen, former 50 mile TT champion.[/i]