I live in a shared house with 3 students. I am a bit older, but back at college for a career changing course.

I have OCD, but they don’t know – well I haven’t told them. A lot of house activities (cooking, washing up, cleaning, etc) are not done to my ‘taste’. On the surface I show a calm, quite normal face. Inside I am boiling. I am on the verge of exploding but every time I go through arguments in my head (very often) it is obvious that my points of view will fall on unsympathetic ears or sound futile.

I have tried to raise points with them on various issues but I back down as soon as I am confronted.

*sigh*

Never mention it, or they’ll be a thousand times worse just to annoy you.

Import some pretty girls, all of a sudden *some* housework gets done.

Chill out, or start smoking dope.

I still kinda miss living together as students. The places are absolute tips, but on the plus side, they’re generally cool people, you’re never lonely, and there is always someone willing to nip off down the pub.

You also learn a lot more about astrophysics/aerospace engineering/molecular biology/mechanical engineering than you do sat in front of X factor.

Have you considered having a word with yourself? Why should they walk on eggshells just because you can’t cope with your existence?

Cleaners are relatively cheap = problem solved at a small price.

But don’t start moaning at them all the time…it won’t make them tidy up more (well they might for a bit), and they’ll just think that you’re the ‘house dick’.

Three Fish – that’s a bit harsh.

I wouldn’t mention it. But I’d put some sensible ground rules down about cleanliness.

If it’s your house tell them.

If not then you need to tolerate it.

Oh, and you have my sympathies – I am totally OCD!

Are they actually unreasonably messy and the place is a health hazard or just students?

If they’re actually really messy then I’d agree with Bunnyhop and lay down some ground rules.
If they’re not that bad and it only seems bad because of your own OCD then I’m with Three Fish.

If you are genuinely diagnosed OCD then you need to constantly ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that can happen if…?’ Your housemates may be just the thing to desensitise yourself once you work out that living in a messy house won’t kill you.

Make a list?

If you’re moaning justifiably about dirty plates or lack of consideration, then tell them so. If you’re just OCD and don’t like other people not being as you want them to be, it’s your problem to deal with. If they’re nice people they might support you by trying to minimise it. I know of one chap who was clearly semi-OCD, he never told anyone but got quite angry when things were not left as he liked it. They picked up on this and every day would move the things he’d “arranged”. Eventually he went ballistic and it took about a week for them all to talk again 🙂

But I’d put some sensible ground rules down about cleanliness

He said he’s obsessive compulsive (or believes he is). ‘Sensible’ could be something like “Always wash hands 11 times before using hand towel.”.

semi-OCD

that’s like saying someone has semi-flu. Proper OCD is a very debilitating illness. The rest is medicalising fussyness and poor people skills.

I sympathise alexonabike! Very similar situation to you, though I wouldn’t say I have OCD. Just like the house to be tidy, kitchen to be clean etc. Can’t understand why people live in squalor (cant see the bedroom floor because of dirty washing or plates etc etc). I just tell myself that everyone obviously doesn’t feel the same and that in a couple of years will be able to get ones own place and live however you like.

that’s like saying someone has semi-flu. Proper OCD is a very debilitating illness. The rest is medicalising fussyness and poor people skills.

Really? What you’re saying is that there are no scales of obsessiveness, and that there is some threshold point where you either do or don’t have it.

I personally can return to my flat 5 times, after driving 2-3 miles away each time, to check I’ve turned the gas/elec off when I leave for a weekend. That’s a bit abnormal. But it isn’t debilitating, poor people skills or fussiness. I actually put it down, partly, to having a fairly poor memory 🙂

BBC science pages certainly suggest that OCD grading is possible, or rather that you can have tendencies in that direction without being diagnosed as “full-blown-OCD”

Your living in a shared house… all rules are out of the window! manage or move on sadly mate!

If you want full control over your space, get your own space. End of discussion.

It’s not actually about the cleanliness! Its other seemingly futile things which is why I find it hard to converse. I don’t believe you have to have OCD to enjoy cleanliness! I may be wrong. Odd things like power consumption. I go out of my way to turn of lights, use heating sparingly, turn the thermostat down. Whenever I re-check, someone has booted it back up to max even though no one is in! This has money implications as well – I use this as the excuse but its not getting through. I am a house dick.

I appreciate that it’s my problem – i never said otherwise.

Really? What you’re saying is that there are no scales of obsessiveness, and that there is some threshold point where you either do or don’t have it.

Not really, no; I was being a little facetious. At the same time, would it really be wise to ask somebody who is obsessive to come up with sensible rules upon which a household should base its cleaning schedule/standards?

alexonabike – I sympathise and I live at home with the wife and two kids.

I agree with eviljoe.

I’ve had severe OCD all my life (although not around cleanliness issues) and it can be really crippling.

Letting people know can be a bit tricky, a lot depends on the people themselves, what are they like,are they close, do you trust them etc. There is a danger that it makes the situation worse.

One option might be to explore ways you might be able to cope better with the situation yourself. I manage mine with a mix of medication and skills learnt through therapy and group work (CBT type approaches can be pretty effective). Chatting to the GP and exploring what student support/the uni. counselling service can offer might be a way to go. The silver lining might be that the situation gives you the motivation to get a grip on the disorder and improve things, it can be done.

Good Luck mate, OCD’s a real bummer.

When I was a student I lived with a chap who used to go nuts when we left dirty plates/pans out,

We did the sensible thing and branded him a kitchen Nazi, left even more plates and pans out etc etc.

After 4years (all good mates otherwise he would have left after 2 weeks!) he was much better, I like to think we’ve set him up for a more normal life.

Its not unreasonable to ask house mates to be ‘greener’. Wasting heat and electricity is something we should all be thinking about. until they own their own homes and have to pay bills for power and untilities they won’t really understand.

You need to get help as it sounds like you’re at the lower scale of things and there is a chance to help yourself.

I have CDO

Fixed that for you.

?

alphabetical order

Did you think really think this through before moving in with students what did you expect

are you being serious or do you just want to let off steam on the forum.

To be honest if you have real OCD levels of cleanlyness you wont be able to manage in a student house it just wont work.

I mean if they really are disgusting ie being sick on the couch, utting a cushion over it and saying it clean thats different matter.

Open and close the door a few times, or turn the light on and off. That’s what you do, isn’t it?

Seriously… get don’t expect your house mates to walk on egg-shells because you have ‘issues’.

Now if you’d asked about depression you might have got some more sympathetic answers.

That said you are in a shared house and that is going to press buttons for you and there is only so much ‘give’ you can expect from the other students. Telling them is still and option but I still think that a lot depends on your relationship with them.

OCD tends to make us shy away from the difficult/painful and fearful feelings, I think that that’s one of the reasons (like phobias) that it responds well to CBT exposure type therapies. You could use the situation, if it’s bearable, to work with someone to try and get a bit of a handle on the OCD and make improvement. Whether that’s something you feel able to do now, alongside study is your call, it might be too much.

I would think about exploring options for therapy, in my experience OCD doesn’t just go away and there’ll likely be something that you find difficult throughout life; it might be your housemates now but it could just as easily be work colleagues or something else later. It is possible to make suprisingly big changes.

— edit —

Should have added, as with all things ‘mental health’ riding the bike is great therapy!

tell them; at least when you go all ‘falling down’ on them they understand. otherwise you are just a fussy nagger.

I live in a shared house and the level of cleanliness of the house and housemates leave a lot to be desired. For me it came down to this, you won’t change people they are what they are so you have three choices,

1) Put up with it the way it is
2) Move out
3) Clean it up yourself

Pick the one which will annoy you the least! It’s a good job you don’t live in my house as one of my housemates is a physcofrenic. druggie, prostitute. She hasn’t lived here long but has left the gas on, unlit at least twice to my knowledge.