Would you steady yourself by gripping the top of the urinal?

I’ve just witnessed it and I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know if the chap in question was sufficiently “bell-swaged” to have a balance issue, but if moving your centre of gravity is such a problem then grab hold of the pipe not the pot FFS.

I won’t rest until I’ve worked out which brew machine the guy uses and I will be opening all of the office doors with my feet from now on.

A mate of mine pees in the stance of both hands against the wall like he's about to be arrested type. weird.

Grip the urinal??
Everyone know you lean forward with your head propped against the wall to form a perfect isoscelepees triangle.

If i was drunk, probably. Maybe he's an alcholic?

Good god no!

If suitably inebriated, then a steadying hand on the wall directly above the urinal is acceptable (technically known as a "Hitler Piss").

But touching the Armitage directly is definitely not on.

There's a guy here who pees whilst sending emails with both hands from his Blackberry

I work in the same building as HtS and share his obvious concern. I will also be packing a bottle of anti-bac spray along with my sandwiches and thermos in future.

So this individual maintained a hold of the stone throughout micturition?

Quite amazing. I could understand a fleeting contact with the porcelain had he inadvertently "dropped anchor" and was momentarily shifted.

Christ only knows what he holds on to when he's carpet bombing the pan.

Christ only knows what he holds on to when he's carpet bombing the pan.

I shall inspect the lock handles for teeth marks.

One thing that has always got me that I noticed, is why does everyone spit into the urinal. I have friends who never spit any other time, but when going for a pat cash – spit????? why?????

Safest way to make sure no one has cling flimed it.

Used to work with a guy at my last place (and he was more than a little strange) who would emerge from the traps and go straight out to his desk. Never washed his hands. I wasn't the only one to notice.

Agree – grabbing the porcelain is not on and and frankly rather weird.

Marion – I'm afraid i do that and even I have no idea why!

"Hitler Piss.."

Classic..

Safest way to make sure no one hascling flimed it.

Took me a while to work out what this meant.

Never used the verb "to cling flim" before.

There's another guy here who reverses into the stone making a beeping noise like a bin lorry. He then uses his balls as rest…I'm gonna stop this right now.

Everyone know you lean forward with your head propped against the wall to form a perfect isoscelepees triangle

Ah the 'Pythagoras Pi$$'

Starnge argument from a guy i used to work with, re the non-washing of hands:

1, I don't piss on my hands and i wash the old fella every day.
2, When i touch the door handle to exit it will have been touched by worse than you'll find on my Johnson.

Really couldn't find a counter argument.

does everyone wash their hands every time they go for a slash?
i dont, what are you expecting to catch, the plague? what do you do when out riding, run around panicking with your hands in the air, refusing to ride on until you have found a stream and some willow bark to clean your mitts?

Hooja – The guy in question was emerging from the "seating area" of the facilities (not the urinal area, which would have been bad enough in an office).

I have slight ocd when it comes to washing hands, I would never go to the toilet without washing my hands, when I am on my bike I actually carry a small bottle of handwash!

It ruins my life sometimes but what can you do!

does everyone wash their hands every time they go for a slash?
i dont, what are you expecting to catch, the plague

Nah, toxocariasis, or what ever else is in Bingo's poo.

At work I wash my hands with antibacterial wash after leaving using the "shirt sleeve" technique to open the door as they are quite simply the most disgusting bogs ever, maybe apart from some park toilets, but it's close.

Some bloke in here who must live on real ale and twigs, regularly pebbledashes trap 1 in such a fashion that his shite actually binds to the molecular composition of the porcelain, quite an achievement!!

ahhhh now that is a little different! unless he was off for a meeting with the boss and was going for a stealthy dirty protest!

does everyone wash their hands every time they go for a slash?
i dont, what are you expecting to catch, the plague? what do you do when out riding, run around panicking with your hands in the air, refusing to ride on until you have found a stream and some willow bark to clean your mitts?

When you piss you are pretty much guaranteed to get some on your hands, from spray, or whatever. Then you transfer it to e.g. door knobs, which I touch and then transfer to my mouth when eating crisps. I may be fussy, but I really prefer not to eat your piss.

When out riding I will pretty much have wiped my hands clean before getting back to contaminate other peoples' environment

does everyone wash their hands every time they go for a slash?

Quick wipe off on the trousers should suffice…

And god no..touch the porcelain WTF…..it makes me cringe when our 2 year old grabs hold of the pan or even worse inside the pan (especially whilst I'm pissing)

>A mate of mine pees in the stance of both hands against the wall like he's about to be arrested type. weird.

WTF!

it makes me cringe when our 2 year old grabs hold of the pan or even worse inside the pan

you shouldn't employ them to clean your toilets then

its like the old peanuts on the bar story!

I avoid all this by standing with my legs apart, hands on hips, proudly spraying like a powerful horse.
No idea if other people wash their hands, they've long gone before I'm finished.

Its only a bit piss – just water by product.

It was good enough when it went in it should be ok to come out.

At work I definitely wash my hands before putting Percy to porcelain as well as after – even though I've been wearing gloves most of the time! And touching the door handle on the way out is avoided if at all possible.

Have you seen some of the people in hospitals 😯

And it's great on jellyfish stings

Keeping jellyfish in the urinal is pretty daft in the first place though.
We've only got a goldfish at work, but it's got its own fish tank.

We have to wash ours hands before action here, as the lime mortar and cement could give you dermatitous of the old chap (tricky to explain).

Hardy ever bother washing (after number 1's) unless i actually have pissed on my hands – funnily enough im not ill all the time

Re: hand-washing,

1) I'll wash my hands before doing something that requires clean heands, eg eating. Pee aside, god only knows what gets picked up on them during the day.

2) I do wonder about the mentality that dictates that you must wash your hands after handling the old fella and yet expect (hope?) that a close ladyfriend would have no qualms about drinking straight from the bottle.

We have to wash ours hands before action here, as the lime mortar and cement could give you dermatitous of the old chap (tricky to explain).

didnt know that, i use lime mortar fairly regularly, im a bit scared now!

OP why are you watching your mate pee?

OP why are you watching your mate pee?

1) He's no mate.

2) I was greeted by the sight as a walked in. If I could have done it without him seeing I would have run out again with my hads aloft whilst screaming "EEEEWWWWWWWWWYAHDIRTYFECKER!".

Nearly as bad as putting the pint glass down on the floor in the puddles.

That's the great think about the swine flu thing. Now the loo has hand gel in there. I can hold some in the palm of one hand and open the door before cleaning my hands of the contamination others will have left on the handle.