A friend (female) is having serious boyfriend issues.

He is active on dating websites and meets other girls for flings. She set up a fake profile that he responded to and proved this to herself (and me). As far as we can tell he has had at least 5 other women the last 8 weeks.

I and many others have told her that she should dump him and move on (he is a fricking weasel) but it is not sinking in. (So please don’t state the obvious, I’ve done it to death.

She is currently in crocodile mode (in de-nile): She say’s if he could just admit all the lies (of which there are billions) then I can forgive him and we can be happy together.

Am I alone in thinking this is madness?

I wonder if there is anyone more “girl smart” than me who can recommend a cleverer tack to help us persuade this lovely person see the value in herself and stop her from being abused by this and probably other future boyfriends.

I though of buying her a book (My knowledge is limited to “Erica Jong Fear of Flying” and other 70’s stuff) ..

Any help.

Jong.

It is shame, you admit to knowing only one thing and even that is wrong.

suggest ‘Oranges are not the only fruit’

ah! Quick change artist!

is this Jackie magazine ?

Any help.

Yup. Delete this while you have the chance.

Your friend needs to have some self-respect but sometimes you just have to let people figure it out for themselves.

C-G yeah I agree, I guess I don’t like seeing someone in pain, and being used. Just feels wrong. I also realise that my efforts to “help” so far probably haven’t.

Out of interest, which dating site?

Cerebral Feminists

Given where you’ve chosen to post this….I have to call Double Fail on this one!

🙂

toys – just be there for her following the fall-out.

dd – lol. How’s Mollie?

She’s great cg. Fighting the good fight for terrier bitches all over the world.

terrier bitches all over the world

this is the site to which you should have posted.

dd – good to hear! It was lovely to meet her. 8)

Not as lovely as it was to meet you cg 8) 😉

Dan Savage – he of the DTMFA acronym (Dump the MFker already) is very funny and incisive on these sort of doormat situations.
He writes a column called savage love but I’m not sure where you can get it these days – worth checking out if it’s online somewhere. He’s sort of no-holds-barred in what he discusses but there’s usually a vein of wisdom to be found.

OP, tbh, sometimes people need to make their own mistakes, learn from them and most importantly learn some self-respect.

Either that or create a profile, back it up with pics etc, and arrange to meet him in a pub where you and some more of her friends are there to meet him. Then tell him to sling his hook. Or beat him to death with penises and breasts.

Sounds like she should get down the clap clinic pronto.

Either that or create a profile, back it up with pics etc, and arrange to meet him in a pub where you and some more of her friends are there to meet him. Then tell him to sling his hook.

Saw the aftermath of this having been done to someone very recently. It was a resounding success for the lady (The wronged party in this situation).

She has already created the fake profile and he wants to meet her, she just doesnt want the rest of us to be there…

I agree with you all, she needs to make her own mistakes, learn self respect etc, but I guess I was hoping someone might have some hints at nudging her in the right direction..

nudging her in what you think is the right direction will probably be a waste of time ime.
best you can do, is be there for her when she needs you.
i had a mate who was like this, her first husband used to beat her up,
next boyfriend was a complete user who was openly tomming it about the town where we all lived.
luckily, she eventually dumped him, got in tow with a decent bloke who she is now married to.
moral?
change comes from within.
of course, if she asks for your opinion, that may cloud things a little.

nudging her in what you think is the right direction will probably be a waste of time ime.

I disagree nudging her would probably be alright in this situation, but don’t try to get it it sink all the way in until after it is all over. Despite his behaviour there are still clear boundaries when it comes to existing relationships

Send Millie round for a chat

Jeepers. Sorry I cannot think of any way to help here here. You are a good friend to try to do so bt I cannot see anything but to be there to help pick up the pieces. As you say she is in denial.

Maybe she genuinely doesn’t care/mind? I now have a number of friends who are fairly happy with their other halves having flings elsewhere and do that same. Damn modern way of looking at relationships.

She’ll come round when he gives her an STI , seriously if he’s been with 5 other women in the last 8 weeks his chances of catching something to pass on are on the increase.

She set up a fake profile that he responded to and proved this to herself (and me). As far as we can tell he has had at least 5 other women the last 8 weeks.

If she’s setting up fake profiles to try and catch him out, then the relationship sounds pretty much doomed irrespective of what he does.

Coincidence? Hmmmm.

Damn modern way of looking at relationships.

hmm, if both parties are genuinely completely happy with the situation then yeah I guess. Thing is so many people seem to put up with all sorts of shit and kid themselves that they are OK with it but really it’s just lack of confidence, self esteem or whatever and are in denial and just putting up with a git of a partner.

he has had at least 5 other women the last 8 weeks

Lucky bleeder.

what does cerebral mean?

(also, I like how you were originally appealing to “feminists”, and then quickly changed it to that well known sub-group of “cerebral feminists”….the URL never lies 😉 )

Out of interest, which dating site?

😆

If she’s setting up fake profiles to try and catch him out, then the relationship sounds pretty much doomed irrespective of what he does

This x 1000.

It sounds like a bunch of kids. Setting up fake profiles, arranging to meet the guy in public and ‘outing’ him is juvenile and pointless.

Here is a tip for you- he won’t sit there in the resturant sobbing his eyes out while you/your friend basks in smug glory. He will just leave and laugh about it afterwards with his mates.

If it’s come to this, the relationship is pointless. It sounds like there’s not much you can do, I would just leave her to it if she really wants to carry on. You’re not responsible for her life, she’s an adult and makes her own decisions even if they are bad ones.

Any help.

yup, just get in there before she wakes up

I think you should post the chat ups from the fake profile on here – he seems to be infinitely better at getting dates than most folk on here and some could do with a few tips!

This has moved on somewhat, so I thought I’d report back. They are still together! She has recently been to docs for full spectrum testing “if I’ve got anything, it’s over for sure”…

Anyway she has the all clear, but admits that she was prompted to go to doc because a recent FB chat suggested that he has been having relationships with Shemales, and there was chat about not using condoms. I wish I could print it here but I fear a banning..

!!!!!!

**** me.

😯

Just what exactly does this chap have to do to get dumped?

I rather do the shemale if I’m honest cynic-al 😉

I wish I could print it here but I fear a banning..

It would be worth it…..do it.

i love stw,, must switch computer off 😕