and not of the ‘don’t do it’ variety 😀

Any opinions on/experience of buying the ring before you pop the question, or of choosing it together afterwards? Just out of interest, of course…
Heart says first, but there’s that nagging voice suggesting I one might spend quite a lot of money on something that isn’t just right, but which (hopefully) she’ll be wearing for the rest of her life.

Ta.

You’ll get it wrong – you’re a bloke!

Just propose and let her decide later. Or did you let her decide what bike you ride and you’re that in tune with each other?

I bought a joke ring for the big Q and let her choose her proper ring.
She smashed my budget out of the water though!

Ask first, then go shopping to celebrate. It’s good fun.

TooTall – Member

You’ll get it wrong – you’re a bloke!

How true is that – lol

Buy a bit of costume jewellery, then go shopping after she says………………. urrr, yes 😉

Good luck btw

I did very recently and I appear to have got away with it.

I did a bit of research before hand, found out what she liked in terms of jewelery in general and then bit the bullet on a not cheap bit of bling. Found a great place in the Jewlery Quarter in Brum if you need some advice on where to buy from.

The cost is always in the stone rather than the band so if you can at least find out what shape stone she will like you can always get it reset into a different band without it costing too much extra.

Edit. The main reason I bought without her is that I am on old romantic and wanted to present her with a ring as a complete suprise. Accoring to her friends, this went down really well.

I had the wife’s made in secret. She appears to love it. She wasn’t too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though… Maybe it’s best to go shopping together.

Does she not wear other rings? Can you not sneak one away that ‘should’ fit?
Or try one on your fingers to get an idea of how far up a particular finger you can get it.

Rings can be fairly easily adjusted if they aren’t right and most decent jewellers will do this for free, if it’s not quite the right size.

She wasn’t too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though…

You must be very good at hiding things…

You are paying for it, therefore you choose!
The romance is in having something chosen by a loved one. I would rather have a ring chosen by my partner as it is like carrying a little bit of their personality with you.

I’d say get one, a proper one for the question.

Most bling bling-shops will understand that you are male and therefore incompetant at buying items like this! As such, when you purchase, they will give you a receipt that will entitle you to a refund / exchange* so she can laugh at your ineptitude then sort our the mess later. Head off to Beaverbrooks…they’ve always been excellent with me. It also helps if you come across like a complete simpleton and ask questions like “can you help pick one of those metal things birds put on their fingers when I want to marry them…i think its got to have some kind of carbon on it too”.

* don’t go for a custom made one! Esecially in the shape of your favourite bike.

Go and buy it first she’ll love it! its shiny!

I had the ring made just how I wanted it, benefit of living in Brum and the jewellery quarter…

I had a diamond that my nan gave me for such an occasion had it made into a ring that cost me £350, had it valued at £2300!

Simple is always elegant.

We went to the shops together…

I wasn’t even gonna attempt to choose..

As stated, we are men, ergo, we would have got it wrong.

She wasn’t too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though…

Ah yes, I got this as well. Even more so as I am usually terrible at hiding things!

Re. sizing, any good jewellers will resize it for free but I just “borrowed” one of her rings when she left it on the side and took it to be measured so I knew it was about right.

Buy old.. Antique stuff, better value than modern crap and worth more in the long run.

Depends of course how much your spending but if its four figures or more then try my way.

Er it does get a bit embarrassing if they meet the former owner mind as has happened to me, but as I said at the time it doesn’t make it any less a ring and she must be really jealous you have a fine man like me to go with it.. 😆

Every girl likes a diamond solitaire, you can’t go far wrong!

I’m with a few posters, when you ask her you need to present her with a bit of bling? And girls love a bit of bling.

You must be very good at hiding things…

Not really. I kept it in the inside pocket of my motorcycle jacket, which was more often than not draped over the chair she was sat in doing her Uni coursework. I was half-expecting to be rumbled.

morgs – Member
Head off to Beaverbrooks…

I am not sure that I would go to a high street place for something like this….
I am not sure how much I should say, although I am pretty sure my OH doesn’t look on here…..

Anyway, I may have been looking about recently. There’s an independent jewellery bloke I’ve been asking & I’ve been looking in the main highstreet shops for comparison. Comparing similar prices, the high street ones have been nowhere near as good as the independent bloke. For a given price, the high street ones are either smaller stones, or they have low colour ratings or clarity ratings. Or all three.
I looked in Ernest Jones, BeaverBrooks, Goldsmiths & Leslie Davis & none of them could offer anything approaching what the independent bloke could.

No, you have to both start casually looking at rings “as if” you were going to buy one, but you both keep up the pretence that you are just looking out of interest.

Once it is absolutely clear in your mind which one she “might like” then you have to go and buy it (make sure you get it sized right) so you can “surprise” her at a suitably romantic moment (for example just after you have spent a small fortune on a romantic meal apropos of nothing.

2nd avoiding the high street, you can get much more ring from a good independent than from Goldsmiths/Beaverbrooks/etc. If you’re near Brum or can get to Brum I can suggest a few places.

Read up on diamonds, read up on settings, look at prices on the web and go in armed with this info.

Sorry, I have become very geeky on this having spent 6 months preparing a (in her eyes) suprise proposal in October.

I proposed without a ring, then we went and bought one together.

She loves her ring, and although what we chose is pretty much bang on what I would have chosen myself, it seemed the right thing to do to let her have some say in a very expensive bit of jewelery which she may want to wear every day for the rest of her life. We had a great day in Hatton Garden choosing.

As for budget; TBH if you can’t have a sensible conversation about the budget for a ring together, you may need to reconsider getting married!

I proposed on a snowboarding trip (atop a mountain) and had a cold bottle of champagne waiting back at the chalet (smuggling a bottle of champagne in a shared suitcase is quite a challenge!). Didn’t need a ring to make that day any more special.

Dave

My opinion – buy it in advance and surprise her. She will love that you have sort time energy and thought on getting the ring. Buying it together smacks of a cop out to me and is a wussy move.

+1 for independent or jewellery quarter/ hatton garden type place. High st don’t get near in terms of quality or size of stone for the same money. In my experience they were really really helpful and guided me through picking a stone, picking a setting etc. I managed to get the only ring out of her jewellery box that is too big for her for the sizing.. But no bother as it was resized without any hassle.

If she likes older jewellery, head down to Hatton Gardens down in London.

http://www.hatton-garden.net/

There was only one jewellers who would touch my wifes engagement ring (for resizing it), as it’s 130 years old, and handmade… they even did it for free, as they enjoyed working on such an old ring… bonus!

As for budget; TBH if you can’t have a sensible conversation about the budget for a ring together, you may need to reconsider getting married!

We did this. Then she saw something she really loved, and it was such an emotive decision for her that I caved in. Glad I did now though, it’s only money.

Being at the time totally broke, I made my wife’s engagement ring out of a highly polished ball bearing and a teased out brake cable – took me about 3 days. Once we had some money we went and bought a proper one, she keeps the old one in the box that the new one came in.

Most bling bling-shops will understand that you are male and therefore incompetant at buying items like this!

Nonsense. I have perfectly good taste.

I selected Mrs* North’s, and presented it to her unannounced. I knew what she’d like.

On budget: ignore all that made up nonsense about a number of months’ salary – that was a De Beers marketing trick. Just spend what you can afford and think is reasonable.

*We’d been together for 8 years at that point. We’ve just passed 15 years. Still not got round to getting married…. 😉

We disussed getting engaged and i was starting to look at rings myself but i decided i didnt want to keep a secret from her. In the we went into a nice independant jewellers in bath and looked at rings together before i proposed. (we had been together 6 years and were never going to make a massive deal of it)

she knew it was coming at some point but i caught her out a bit and proposed on fireworks night with fireworks going off all around. we then went and chose a ring together a week or so later. I pushed my budget out the window a bit too! but I love what we got, individual yet classic.
Recomment Mallorys in Bath for ‘made on site’ stuff and a great customer experiance.

Glad I did now though, it’s only money.

having a budget in mind, and sticking to it are different things… at least you knew which end of the market you were looking at – rather than you thinking £1k and her thinking £15k.

Dave

Yep, she didn’t completely take the piss 😀

Worth noting that there’s no VAT payable on vintage/ pre-owned jewellery.

Worth noting that there’s no VAT payable on vintage/ pre-owned jewellery.

nothing says romance like streamlining your tax profile 😀

I proposed without a ring as I didn’t have a clue what Tasha would want or wear. She didn’t have a clue what kind of ring she wanted or that I was going to ask. It didn’t alter the proposal at all by not having one. I’ll agree with the buying together being fun, not sure why, but it was.

mate did something I though worked, down on knee, handed over a small elegant box, which was empty with a ‘you choose’ message inside, that worked well.

Buy a “fake” one for the proposal & then go shopping together. This is what I did & discovered that the rings I’d have chosen wouldn’t have been the ones she have.

And if you’re nearish the midlands I’d recommend spending a saturday in the jewellery quarter. Saved* loads of money (almost a grand over similar rings on the high street with lower clarity diamonds).

*Rather she got a better ring for the money. My expenditure would’ve been the same.

I proposed with a “stunt double”, a nice-but-cheap ring from a high street jewellers, then we went and found a proper one a bit later that she really liked.

She actually really liked the first one, and still wears it on her other hand… I could have saved myself a fortune if I’d just not mentioned that it wasn’t the final one! 🙂

Also, find a shop in the Jewellery Quarter that *also* has a shop somewhere else, then go to the other one, ‘cos it’s even cheaper then… 🙂

Isn’t the idea to get the most expensive one you can find and buy it on credit, that way you’ll have a monthly reminder of the happy event? That is if she says yes.

I bought it first as I think I had a decent idea of her tastes.

It had the desired effect (e.g. near cardiac arrest), doubled up by producing it from a muddy pannier after a few days touring. That was the bit I was most nervous about, losing the bloody thing.

SBrock – Member
Every girl likes a diamond solitaire, you can’t go far wrong!

Not Mrs Clubber – always wanted an eternity ring for engagment…

As above, I’d suggest buying it together – she’s got to wear it for (hopefully) the rest of her life…

*We’d been together for 8 years at that point. We’ve just passed 15 years. Still not got round to getting married….

I feel a lot better now, took me 13 years to propose (though we got a mortgage, who said romance is dead?), 2 years to save, married 7 years ago. I thought that was a bit tardy 🙂