cinnamon_girl – Member
Guys, you just don't get it, do you?

He isn't 'getting it' which would appear to be the root of the problem. 😀

Guys, you just don't get it, do you?

I totally get it. My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same. 🙂

Kojaklollipop you really shouldnt have had that trail poo infront of her.

cinnamon_girl – Member

Guys, you just don't get it, do you?
Of course we do, that's why we're all on an anonymous internet forum sharing our pearls of wisdom that have clearly stood us so well over the years!

FWIW I wouldn't dare utter any of this in front of my missus as life wouldn't be worth living, but I'd never admit it. Oops.

hora – Member

Kojaklollipop you really shouldnt have had that trail poo infront of her.
LMAO

My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same.

+1 🙂

You mean you wouldn't actually forcibly graft a sealion onto someone who didn't want to sleep with you in a bizarre revenge-attack tony?

Very funny – bless ;-D

BigDummy – Member

You mean you wouldn't actually forcibly graft a sealion onto someone who didn't want to sleep with you in a bizarre revenge-attack tony?
Me? Well, I'd never rule it out if I thought it might get me laid.

cinnamon_girl – Member
Guys, you just don't get it, do you?

What do you suggest then?

Fake your own death, then you'll see how she really feels, if she cries come back as your own twin, if she doesn't seem to care then hide in a cupboard and jump out as she passes.
Always works.

See what I mean?

Try 'Sex Panther'?

to be honest, if you're not involving her in vivisection with a large sea mammal, frankly, you're not even on her radar.

What about a manatee? You could regale both her and the manatee with tales of heroism about how you once singlehandedly foiled a shoplifter in HMV using a trick that Gary Busey did and you learnt from repeatedly watching Point Break and practising the move in your pants in front of the mirror.

If she's not impressed, the manatee will be, in which case you can tell her to look away while you hump that?

What do you suggest then?

bear in mind c-g doesn't ever get it either 🙁

Kojaklollipop she obviously knows what you are after…………and is not going to put out until you put some DECENT effort in (if at all). I mean riding bikes is great but you would do that with or without her!! Use some imagination 😀

Hair cut, new clothes etc and don't try too hard. Just a nice hello and a smile. Finish work early and tell the office gossip that you have a red-hot date with a Swedish au pair whose bosoms enter a room a full minute before she does. If that doesn't work she obviously thinks you're dull, fugly and hung like a chipmonk.

Yeah, MTFU and do the trails with her on a unicycle, blindfolded, using your hands instead of feet, backwards, whilst playing a cazoo. If that doesn't work then she aint worth bothering with, or go down the chloroform/sealion, knife, route.

there is nothing wrong with just being friends with women( hard difficult as it might be)

Imagination, imagination….

What about a tandem? You might need a trailer for the sealion/manatee though. Perhaps see the thread on child/baby carriers for advice on trailers.

We should set up a web site dedicated to relationship advice. Seriously this is way better than all that guff you get from agony aunts

+1

This is all great stuff, and obviously a bit tongue in cheek … so yeah, c-g what don't we get, I'm intrigued, or are you not going to let us 'get' what 'we just don't get' ? 😉

Have you considered that she may be a lesbian?

Maybe she's a nymphomaniac trying to get over her addiction to giving BJs? Has she got big lips?

How big are her hands? Never trust a woman with big hands, very intimidating.

CG is a lesbian 😯

Have you considered that she may be a lesbian?

Could be. A lot of the women I try chatting up tell me they're lesbians. Or is that just a cunning excuse?

They may be playing hard to get Big Dave, and if that's your real name I'm not surprised.

I had a mate who told women he was gay – figured they'd see it as a challenge.

How would a seal graft work? Could human organs work a seal if it was a Symbiotic relationship?

You could try one of those!

Perhaps she's getting over the affair she had with the MD? 😯

A seal would be far more manageable than a sealion

They may be playing hard to get Big Dave, and if that's your real name I'm not surprised

The size can be a bit scary for some women to deal with…they may not have seen a stomach so large before 🙂

Hang on chaps – seals, sealions, manatees – one must be better than the others. Time for a "What pinniped for…" thread!

[EDIT]
Whoa! Choose carefully – just found this on Wikipedia..

Sexual coercion

Sexual coercion is extremely common among pinnipeds, even on other species. In one incident that was caught on videotape, a 100 kg Antarctic fur seal pinned down a 15 kg king penguin and thrusted its pelvis, trying to insert its penis into the penguin for about 45 minutes.[1]
[/EDIT]

I think BigDummy has provided the most beautiful contribution to this thread so far.

Sexual coercion

Take note.

It's not really rape if there isn't a massive weight differential and a species barrier.

Sexual coercion is extremely common among pinnipeds, even on other species. In one incident that was caught on videotape, a 100 kg Antarctic fur seal pinned down a 15 kg king penguin and thrusted its pelvis, trying to insert its penis into the penguin for about 45 minutes.[1]

Chocolate Jesus… 😯

"My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same."

Despite a pretty good grasp of English I don't actually know what this means!? Can anyone translate?

I don't suppose the beaver counts as a pinniped?

Edit to add: Is this you Big Dave?

2nd edit: Link to image doesn't seem to work, I guess the moment has passed

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:American_Beaver.jpg

When I was still reeling from a bad breakup I told Molgrips I only wanted to be friends. Figured it was just a fling with him anyhow…he stuck around and assured me and then before I knew it we were married. Now granted we were made for each other (read that as we're the only 2 people who could possibly put up with the other for any length of time).
Do you have other things is common with her besides biking? Did she bike before you, or has she only picked it up because of you? The later would be a big hint that she's thinking abt you as a possible relationship, but doesn't want to 'go there' yet.

As for the creature grafting, you guys aren't romantic enough…need more mermaidy imagery…perhaps that's the thing you're all not getting 😉

@Minty,
He means that all his friendships with ladies have come out of the fact he fancied them, they didn't fancy him i.e asymetric

sometimes he stopped fancying them i.e "historic remnants of"