Just need to vent. The father in laws been in and out of the GP for a week or 10days or so with suspected chest infection. Booked him in for a scan and they sent him to A+E after it and told him hes got stage 4.

Feel utterly helpless and frustrated. My missus is rather understandably distraught.

It’s all a bit of a daze.

Nothing to say except that I agree, and deeply sympathise, with you.
Best wishes to you, your wife, and your father-in-law. 🙁

Bugger. 🙁

Sympathies to you all.

Agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly, and sympathise!

However… Be strong… Sat here with my GF watching the Top Gear special right now, 6 weeks ago she had her 12 month checkup and was given an all clear, 2 weeks earlier we travelled round the North Coast of Scotland for a week celebrating her 40th Birthday!

People can, and do, beat it…

All the best to you. Lost my dad last week, he had stage 3 lung cancer but ultimately it was the chemo and an infection that got him. I’ve nothing useful to contribute except for sympathy though

That’s a ****, I lost my mum a couple of years ago to cancer. My sympathies – nothing I can really add, other than the obvious – get the legal stuff sorted out while you can, and spend all the time you can with him now.

That’s awful.  My sympathies to you and your family.

Cancer is a **nt.
My Dad had stomach cancer; op to remove; surgeon says….I’m satisfied; wrong.
Recurrence as carcinomatosis – lingering death supported by magnificent MacMillan nurses.
Long time ago but in my mind every day.

Support those who need it; others, inc STW, will be there to support you.
Sympathies and prayers.

Thanks.

Sat with my missus caining a bottle of wine.

Lot to think about.

Hes not been well for a while but with other issues.

He was a heavy smoker and worked in dusty environments so it’s not sadly a huge surprise but hes knocked all that on the head. Just shows the damage that you can unknowingly inflict on your self when your younger.

Just feel useless in the extreme

Cancer is, indeed, a **nt.

Took Mrs Dubs mum (brain) nearly ten years ago, and mine two years ago this January (metastatic breast).

It’s all a bit of a daze.

There’s some dark days ahead for both of you. Be kind to each other and you’ll get through it.

Duncan – you’re not useless; never, ever think that.
Some forms of cancer have not yet been beaten by the cleverest scientists on the planet.
Emotions will be raw; support your wife.
Everyone who knows you or has read your post will support you.
It’s human nature but….neither your wife should give yourselves a hard time over this; his life and life style may have been factors but they weren’t your decisions.

Cheers chaps.

Not my 1st brush with it. Lost my old man to brain tumor when I was 11. 25yrs later feel the same feelings of being powerless.

We shall see what happens.

Started with the inappropriate jokes already…..

Back in the spring a friend was diagnosed with an aggressive Stage 4 cancer having failed to shake off a cough/cold for 3-4 weeks. Initially the consultant told him he was 99% sure it was another (non-C) condition as the symptoms were absolutely identical. However, further bone marrow tests confirmed this was not the case and he did indeed have the big C.

For a while we feared the worst. He certainly had some rough times but thankfully a lot of support. Then, a couple of weeks ago I bumped into his wife who said he’d been given the all clear.

Cancer does get its arse kicked from time to time. I sincerely hope your FIL adds to that statistic.

Awful disease. I spend my day job developing new drugs for cancer and spent Five years watching my family decimated by it. Some cancers are now very treatable, but sadly some are still not. I’ve seen the benefits of treatments I’ve played a part in developing. My sons best friend (19) is currently taking that treatment.

Diagnosis is just the first stage of a journey you will all go on. Patients don’t get cancer, families do. I heard that on a work video “focus on the patient”. It struck more than a note.

It is a ****t indeed. Just back from the wedding of one of my longest friends, he himself had lymphoma as a teenager which he beat but last week his mum died suddenly of stomach cancer, 2 days after his dad was placed in a care home due to advanced dementia. It’s been a tough day.

Mother nature is indeed a b**ch
A recent client of mine was diagnosed with a type of cancer that only starts corrupting and killing cells when you become pregnant. The bastard thing of it is, it is most commonly only diagnosed through the child after it’s born because of the condition of and tests made on the placenta. So the cancer gets a 7-9 month head start in the mothers body. The newborn also has a high risk of being affected but can quite often be cancer free. it’s messed up

Stay strong and look after your missus, she’ll need as much support as you can give her.

Cancer is disgustingly cruel, my dad’s going through it right now. It’s horrible to see how it affects someone you love, truly heartbreaking. Good luck, for all involved.

OP, my thoughts, wishes and prayers for you and your partner. My mum died as a result of the disease 8 years ago, the one thing I was and am thankful for was we had notice, only a couple of months but long enough for us to share, talk, listen, laugh, cry… closure.

You and particularly your wife will deal with this as you will, which will be fine. If you can, make the most of his company now.

As for the disease, the one thing I can never get my head around is the fact that these cells survive and multiply with the aim of killing it’s host, so it no longer survives. Apart from humanity, I can think of nothing else in the natural world that exists to defeat itself.

Really feel for you all. It’s a terrible thing. My sister passed away Boxing Day last year with tumour in her stomach. My parents are in their 80’s have really struggled. I regret more than anything not spending more time with her in her last few months.
Thoughts with all concerned

Sorry to hear that Pal. Thinking of you all.

Awful news but don’t be too pessimistic. I lost my mum to cancer last year but she was a lifelong smoker so was expecting it but recently there are three or four friends and work colleagues who have been diagnosed and all have had the all clear. A mate of mine was stage 4 too and fearing the worst, but he’s now all clear. Depends on a lot of factors so fingers crossed the prognosis is good.

FIL passed away to Stage 4 – lifelong heavy smoker. Didn’t realise until last couple of months where we ‘forced’ him to get checked out (caused family arguements). Horrible disease. Thoughts with you.

Thing is you are advised to go see a doctor if you have a persistant cough and can’t get rid of it. The receptionist didn’t want me to see a doc having been ill for 4 weeks, then previously in October – it’s really difficult getting seen, for something that may or may not be serious.

Sorry to hear this, hope you’re keeping yr head above water.

It is indeed devastating and has destroyed our family.
I lost my dad to lung cancer and my mil to bowel cancer. Luckily I survived stage 3 bowel cancer a few years ago but earlier this year out of the blue my wife was diagnosed with a terminal glioblastoma multiforme brain tumour.

I totally relate to “Just feel useless in the extreme”

The frustration of not being able to do something to have an effect on the outcome is overwhelming at times but remember that you are not alone in this battle, many thousands are affected by this savage disease.

We as a family are currently climbing a mountain we don’t really want to be climbing, we take it one day at a time, some days it’s a bit steep and other days we stop and admire the view for a while.

Sadly there is no simple answer to it all, you will work your way through it somehow but the main thing is for you to be there in support for your loved ones.

My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Lost my eldest brother to it, my next eldest is at a fairly advanced stage although holding his own for the moment. Also lost my niece at age 25 and nephew at 32. It is indeed a cruel and bitter disease. I’m afraid I have no words of wisdom to offer, but you are definitely not alone. Condolences and best wishes to you.

My sympathies

December is not a good month for us, we, MrsT and I lost our parents in previous years(Dec)
MrsT both to cancer.
Me?
Mother to post op stroke and Dementia. 10yrs of suffering which impacted on Dad.
Dad?
COPD, heart condition, arthritis, herniated osophgous and a broken heart following mums passing.
That was/is tough to write even 3&5yrs on……
I have lost many relatives, friends and colleagues to the Big C but I’m 😐 sorry Dementia and COPD have had a bigger impact.
Having said that the current “issues” I am having to contend with are aging relatives with degenerative arthritis conditions which may require amputation, wee brother having had a voice box cancerous op, family members with stress/anxiety issues, divorces and another grandchild due in April🤯
Oh, and MrsT has just bought a pup at £xxxxxxxx🤷‍♂️🤯😭
Who said retirement was bliss🙁🙁🙁🤔🤔🤔🤔😏😏😏😇
My first “introduction” to cancer was when my nieghbour offered me his tools from a shed tidy. I asked him why he was clearing his shed. His reply being he had 6wks to live.We were early twenties and had just bought our first house!!! His son is now our nieghbour having bought our in laws house🤔
I could relate many stories as I am sure others could….

Yep, it’s rubbish fella, all the best to you and yours.

So its spread which was sort of expected.

They don’t want to turn the chemo up as itll be more invasive and clobber his immune system. So going radio therapy

So currently we cant visit but we dont know how long hes got. Or how long this shit shows running for.

My missus is convinced shes not gonna see him again.

Feel for you. My father in law’s prostate cancer is now untreatable, along with other issues. Wife’s brothers are nearby, but we are nearly 200 miles away. Wife trying not to show it, but clearly thinks she may not see him again.😢

Doesn’t help duncancallum, but wife & her dad are in almost exact same position

We both knew this lockdown was coming & discussed her not seeing him in person again.

She’s taking it relatively well*, but so much other stuff to deal with at the moment that shes distracted

*I say taking it well, but she was in bits earlier

I’m in the same boat with my brother who is in the final stages. It really is utterly *****. You have my sincere and heartfelt sympathies…

My wife is terminal with cancer. Started about five years ago with breast cancer which we thought we had licked, then it properly reared its ugly head about 18 months ago with a lung collapse. Now its in her bones and who knows where else.
Being a tough kiwi b***d she was still working 30+ hrs a week at a major retailer until last week, (who have gone above and beyond it has to be said) until they gave her three months off on full pay to protect her (and a fair other amount of staff at the company).
Apart from the fears that we have around the cancer, covid 18 will undoubtably have serious implications for her as well, so we are in effect living from day to day right now.
It is NOT all doom and gloom though. She is still alive and kicking and absolutely making the most of life. She can get up and go for a walk, tidy the house, do the dishes and make me dinner etc etc (dont worry I do the ironing and hoovering though).
Joking aside, it is crap and having been together for nearly 30 years the thought of not having my better half around hardly bears thinking about.
There is plenty help out there (apparently), but much of the online stuff is frankly self serving b****t. I do have a a couple of folk who I can talk stuff though with and thankfully (and more importantly) the wife has been supported though an incredible group at the local hospice. They dont shy away from anything and it has definitely helped the wife.
What has surprised me is how some folk have just dropped off the radar and cant or wont even ask how the wife is doing. Im not looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on from them and frankly if they dont want to engage then who am I to say anything.
But what I would say is that while the whole thing sucks, it is what it is, and having someone to talk about it with you makes you feel you are not on your own.
Find the positives, keep your head up and look forwards. Now is the time that they need you and you can worry about yourself at some point down the road.

Yesterday was my friends funeral, 57 bowel cancer, she was diagnosed 3 weeks ago. I couldnt attend due to my own illness and a patchy immune system and everything else flying around so stood at my drive as the cars went past from her house. 3 bloody weeks. She was a great women, got my daughter a job with her whilst she was at school at Uni, 2 amazing kids who I really like thank fully they are both the double their mam so she’s always there for us all to see.
Welling up reading this thread, now ready for a proper dusty one.

What has surprised me is how some folk have just dropped off the radar and cant or wont even ask how the wife is doing.

Its not uncommen. Its about their fear of saying the wrong thing and embarrassment. The longer it goes on the worse they feel and the harder it is to make contact.

My advice – ignore those you do not really value but anyone you do you make the first move

My Mum kicked its arse twice.
Third time it didn’t get the chance because her heart threw in the towel.
She left us on a beautiful Sunday morning last September, two weeks to the day after my Dsd.

My good lady list her Dad a few years ago. Take it a day, an hour or even a minute at a time. Be there for your good lady. Don’t try & fix everything, you can’t & you’ll beat yourself up trying. Just be there for her & her Dad. You’ll need to talk as well. Mates will listen.

As an update they stopped chemo n gave him radio therapy 2 weeks ago.

After that he just went down hill. District nurses went out yesterday and sorted out a few things inc morphine drips but unfortunately this morning he got up to go the loo and died on route.

Not sure what was the cause.

However taking the “positives” hes not been on much pain and it’s not dragged on for months.

Had 3 paramedic response units who where fantastic n 2 absolutely spot on coppers turn up over it today.

Missus BiL and Mil are all in shock.
Its just a mess timing wise.

Proper old school was phil, I’m sure he thought I was some kind of idiot DIY wise as he was a builder but he was extremely good to me.

What a crock of shit.

Sorry about Phil. You sound like a good SIL.

Well done Dunc for taking the positives from the final outcome, hold on to that

Your right its a crock of shit, Father 22 years years ago (Bone Cancer) mother 3 years ago (Bone cancer) Wife last year (Aspiration Pneumonia)

Sometimes I just want to go outside and shout at the sky

Sorry to hear this. At least he wasn’t in pain and it didn’t drag on too long like you say, but that isn’t going to help his nearest and dearest much sadly.

Thoughts with your family.

Sorry for your loss.
sadlyit looks like my mum’s breast cancer didn’t respond to treatment at all, just 3 months out of chemo and it looks like it has spread, we are all expecting the worst and I’m most upset that my little boy will lose his nanna.
struggling at the moment