Al – a nice dent in the bonnet of a works van was the result – a couple of inces across and and inch deep. I nearly put it thru the screen tho but managed to control myself enough not to.

Kind of think if yo8u went mental on someone's car they'd shit themselves…but there would be enough witnesses around to ID you, support his claim & you'd be screwed, unless you slashed a tyre & got away.

BMW once bumped a GF's rear tyre with his front bumper. I wasn't there but quite glad – she was fine and I would have properly lost it.

In the instance above the van driver nearly hit me by being careless. At the next lights I caught up with him and remonstrated loudly. The van driver then deliberately edged into me. I waved the lock at him at which point he drove into me ( gently) – I was stationary alongside his front wing and he turned the wheels to full lock and drove a couple of feet which pushed me and I almost fell. I then lost my temper and thwacked the van with the lock. He assaulted me first – but my actions were probably more than could be justified in self defence but I would have had a legal defence of sorts

I have also made sure that a car that pulled out on me leaving me nowhere to go got a bar end right down the side of the car. I could have taken the impact on my shoulder but took it on the bar end instead

i seem to have particular bad luck riding past a certain place on one of my training loops …

first up out on a road ride cold winters day group of 6-8 of us blind bend we were riding 2 up on our side of the road … tosser comes up behind blasting his horn and overtaking on the blind bent to which he got a torrent of abuse- his car stops he throws a shit load of abuse our way – one of our lot shouts at him to get his fat arse out his 4×4 -he refuses and says that next time he sees us out he is going to run us off the road.

one of the 8 is a very high up police officer and i believe the chap got a stern warning (couldnt do anything official for some reason or other) from friends in uniform – as well as having his wing mirror forcably removed as he sped off dangerously close to another mate who is nuts squared….

then last week similar happened with just 2 of us on the same bit of road – not riding 2 up single file on the same corner and a car came up behind us at 60 braked hard skidded and blasted the horn and shouted abuse at us apparently cyclists are only allowed on cycle paths not on country roads according to him – it wasnt like we were round the blind bend or owt we were clearly visable from miles up the road and we were shifting. He got a half bottle to the bonnet as he overtook on the blind bend purely for being a complete and utter tosser.

There was a story in my local paper a year or so ago when a local cyclist rode past some 'yoofs' and felt a bang on the back of his helmet, assumed he'd had something thrown at him but carried on. When he got home he found a small knife sticking out the back of his helmet! Lucky escape.

I've rarely had a problem when on the road other than the usual occasional shouts of abuse. Once though when commuting in London some tosser swerved twice across the road to try and knock me off after i'd shouted at him for cutting me up. Never had red mist like it and i wanted to kill him. Fortunately my survival instinct kicked in and i let him go as the car had 4 rather large looking eastern europeans in so it would have been a battle i'd never have won.

Don't let these idiots put you off riding though otherwise they win.

A mouthful of beer spat over me from a car load of Rangers fans, while stopped at the lights in the east end of Glasgow. Given it was a derby day and the idiots from both sides were rampaging up and down the streets in all directions, reacting to that would have resulted in a dead-cert hospital trip.
Still blame my die-hard Celtic supporting team-mate who designed the predominantly green club jersey.

Are you sure the Rangers fan wasn't just trying to talk to you forgetting he had a mouth full of beer. They are pretty stupid you know! Lol

my favourite is getting a fag flicked at you. Stop, collect said object, hoy it through open car window onto back seat. Watch the fecker scream to a halt to try to stop his upholstery going up in flames.

samuri wins!

Samuri, some of the stuff in your blog is hillarious, recounting tales of near misses and encounters with the lower forms of life in our neck of the woods.

My favorite is the one where you move over for a dog walker, merely to be called the C word. Brilliant writing.

I know a chap who, when cut up by a car, pulled up alongside it in traffic, opened the door, removed the keys, launched them as far as he could into a nearby field and pedalled off, leaving the car stranded. A marvellous effort! I'm too mellow, I just couldn't do that, although I'd love to say I would!

AndyP – Member
my favourite is getting a fag flicked at you. Stop, collect said object, hoy it through open car window onto back seat. Watch the fecker scream to a halt to try to stop his upholstery going up in flames.

If that was possible, they wouldn't do it.
None of these chav scum are brave enough to do something they might get caught for.
Weirdest one I had was some scumbag blasting a claxon at me as I went by. Funny thing was, had the iPod on so it was a faint little toot.

The chav in the, I thought very recognisable, Clio who threw a coke carton at me was funny too. I think he lived down a road I used to walk with my dog. Clio had blacked out back windows and I saw an identical car pulling into a driveway. Over a couple of days I saw another 2 identical Clios, so in the end I wasn't absolutely certain it was him, so the paint stripper is unused on my garage shelf.

I had various food chucked at me on one occasion by a car full of teens & the girl in the back seat found it very amusing to laugh at me out the back window. There's a level crossing about a mile ahead, so I nailed it hoping it was down. I think for the first time ever that I had rode that route, it was not down…..I was gutted.
Didn't even get the registration number to report it.

njee20. I think that would be my favourite attempt at revenge. Stick hand in car, whip out ignition key & ride off with it.

I just think its general juvenile behaviour from kids and adults alike. It is a form of assault but in a moving car difficult to prove who did it. You have to ask the question what other things have they done – i.e. drunken brawls etc. Does make you think you are singled out though – my sympathies – don't give up the road bike – just calm down first – most people are good at heart!

Best form of considered retaliation, as suggested by Clubber of this parish, is to open their rear passenger side door and ride off. You don't damage their car in any way and unless they have a passenger you leave them in a really awkward situation.

Best form of considered retaliation, as suggested by Clubber of this parish, is to open their rear passenger side door and ride off. You don't damage their car in any way and unless they have a passenger you leave them in a really awkward situation.

IMHO, and in my experience,the best form of considered action is to avoid esculating the situaution, even if that means doing nothing and riding away. If someone's prepared to chuck an object or hurl abuse at you then there's a good chance they're prepared to take it further. When I worked as a courier in London one of the first things I learnt was not to over-react to abuse, being cut up, and other, sometimes genuine, mistakes by other road users and pedestrians.

Also, if you come out worse you end up carrying the stress around with you for the rest of the day or longer along with any physical injuries you may sustain. Obviously, if someone does something extremely stupid and you're able to take it further, (maybe through the law if you have witnesses) then it may be practical to pursue it. But overall, look after yourself, don't risk making the situation worse.

My worst time I was riding down a hill right near home and there was a gang of kids – obligatory hoodies etc – three on one side of the road and three on the other shouting at each other. I wasnt paying much attention. Same kids had thrown rocks at me before but they are pretty bad aim and had never hit.

Then I hear "get her get her" and one launches himself across the road and aims a karate kick at me. Luckily I was riding pretty much in the middle of the road (loads of people opening car doors without looking there for some reason) and his kick was square on my thigh and not bike / foot / hand but it still sent me across the road. Lucky break number two was I was on my MTB and not road bike so I managed to hold it upright and could pedal off but still had to get past a couple of his mates further down the road.

That one was scary – and round the corner from the police station too, not that anyone was there to be of any kind of assistance.

I didnt ride that road for about a month but I got too annoyed at having to take detours on account of little sh*theads and have gone back that way. People walking out into the road too fast still give me the sh*ts though

Very true slugwash. Nowasays i try to respond to road rage by laughing at the perpetrator. They cut you up and get angry – a nice comedic insult and laugh at them and give a cheery wave as you cycle off. spoil their day more than they spoil yours

Aye it's a difficult balance – get sucked in and possibly have it all go horribly wrong (I got a kicking for just looking at someone who'd walked out in front of me) or let it all go…

I know it's hard to keep it cool, but it's worst remembering that you'll never won against 900kg+of steel.

And no sentence for the car driver is going to make a limp or your spinal cord grow back.

It can be funny when these attacks go wrong though. A while ago, I had a white van driver (the cliches are true, aren't they?) get the hump and start hooting me apparently because I was taking a perfectly legal right hand line while turning right on a small roundabout. I wasn't exactly holding him up either, but there you go!

After we came off the roundabout, the van pulled alongside me and I glanced in the side window at the perfect time to see the following scenario unfold. Three guys across a bench seat; the driver, guy on the passenger side winding down the window and guy in the middle lobbing a sandwich at me. Unfortunately, the timing between these last two was not what it could have been. The window winder just wasn't quick enough and the sandwich hit the glass, messily revealing itself to be egg and mayo, then dropped down, presumably into the door pocket. The look of first frustration and then anger on their faces as they realised I was laughing at them was a picture, as I took a convenient left turn and watched them recede along the road! 😀