This morning i was out for a quick pre work ride in the woods did a few “sweet jumps” met some cheery people walking there dogs riding horses and even some fellow bikers all was well with the world the sun was peeking out from the clouds then met Mr Angry!

He is one of those people who are angry at he world but what made me smile and also be offended in equal measure was some of his insults amongst the angry swearing he had the cheek to shout at me

“you are like Boris johnson an entitled boris johnson”

swear words removed so as not to trigger the swear filter

so what are you best trailside insults from angry people?

Crikey, an *entitled* Boris Johnson?

The mind actually boggles.

^that.

Is there any other type of Boris Johnson??

I once had exchange on the quantocks along the lines of

’you can’t ride your bike here, it’s a footpath’

to which I responded.

‘you are sitting on a horse, neither are you. ‘

*there may have been more swearing from both parties.

An old lady in Richmond Park once whacked my front wheel with her wooden walking stick – the rebound nearly took it out of her hand!

To be fair, i was a little off-course…

I had someone shout to me once that I wasn’t allowed to ride where I was because it was private land.

I stopped and confirmed that I was aware that it was indeed private land.

I enquired if she know who the landowner was? She didn’t know.

I helped her out by letting her know that it had just been acquired by Sustrans, for the construction of a cycle track.

Approaching a horse (and rider) head on, very slowly along a country lane

”you stupid man, don’t you know my horse is frightened of bikes”

“well funnily enough, no!”

Can I just point out that by using “there” instead of “their” you are saying that you met some dogs riding horses. Unless that was intentional and you actually did? 😉

Someone once shouted out a window at me “Oi! Your back wheel’s following you!”

Unfortunately most of the walkers I used to meet when MTBing would just sullenly stare ahead in silence refusing to meet my gaze after I greeted them

Was taking my inhaler mid-commute once and got accused of being Bradley Wiggins! I took it as a compliment. I’m probaly twice his weight!

Was taking my inhaler mid-commute once and got accused of being Bradley Wiggins! I took it as a compliment. I’m probaly twice his weight!

I like that one it shows some cycling knowledge

Someone told me once I “shouldn’t ride on this path” so I pointed out that it was a bridleway, that I am obliged to use bridleways whereas they could elect to use a bridleway, but then should expect typical bridleway traffic.

The response was “What’s a bridleway?”

I once had exchange on the quantocks

And how was it for you… you rapscallian!

Got called a “stupid old c$#t” a few weeks back. TBH, it was the ‘old’ that cut the most…

I was regaled recently with ‘ Bikes are for poofs’ by some bams. I retorted with ‘Thats no what your Maw says’ 🤗

I was screamed at for singlehandedly causing the erosion of the Lake district for being on Old Man with a bike for a chap from London WTF !! once id pointed out the 200+ people on the summit and the fact his head needs to be wobbled i trundled off into the distance doing skids to be cu£%ish

Why do people say “not far now” when they don’t know where you’re going?

Or “that looks tough” when you’re clearly making easier and better progress than they are? The last person to say that to me was about a million and waiting for his Mrs who [fair play] was hobbling along with two sticks – I thought THAT looked tough!

I’m going to steal this from a good friend of mine, but I was there and it was priceless.

We’d come through Mam Nick, through the gate and took the BW under Mam Tor to meet the slabbed section down to Hollings Cross.

On that slabbed section we were told by a walker that we shouldn’t be there. @MartynS of this parish then pointed out to him that note only was it a BW but it featured on the cover of the OS map, showing a mountain biker on said section!

Yesterday morning, ‘GET A LOUDER BELL!!’. I’d ridden past her, having dinged my bell several times and shouted. She’d bellowed at me get a bell, so I stopped, dinged again and told her to take her fing headphones out. She shouted about a louder bell as I rode away. This on a well used cycle path.

Had an absolute belter this week. Chap said to me as I passed:

“A bell would be good”

I said I’d just rung my bell three times with no response.

“Well I didn’t hear it”

And I cycled on.

A group of yoofs “You can’t ride that here”
My mates reply ….”No, but your mam likes to be ridden everywhere”

As above

“Get a bell!”
“You didn’t hear me shout excuse me 5 times, you’re not going to hear a bell”

Walker; You need the the landowner’s explicit permission to ride here, it’s a permissive bridleway
Me; That’s not how permissive bridleways work
Walker; Yes it is, you need the landowner’s permission in each case
Me; That’s not correct, but ok (pulls out phone)
Walker; What are you doing?
Me; I’m ringing the landowner
Walker; How do you know the landowner, you aren’t a local
Me; I’m 12th generation in this area, I grew up in that house over there (points to house on the other side of the valley)..
Walker (interrupting) But I don’t know you
Me (phone now calling landowner); If you’d let me finish I would’ve also been able to tell you that I was the landowner’s best man
Walker; Looks sheepishly at the ground
Me; Do you want to ask him yourself?
Walker wanders off muttering
Me (on phone); Hey mate, I’ve just had a classic with one of the local nutters!

I’ve seen her a couple of times since while out riding and she can’t even look at me 🙂

I got a very angry “Can you slow down when you go past a horse” shout from a horse rider. My reply “No”. Her sweary “why not”. Me ” Beacuase I’ve already stopped and I’m stationary”. I’d stopped miles ahead of her and well off the bridlepath. It did make me laugh but she didnt seem to appreciate the irony!

@LS I’ve had a variation of that which goes along the lines of

Walker: This is a footpath

me: No it isn’t anything, it’s just a track through a private wood

Walker: It’s a footpath and it’s illegal for you to ride here

me: no it private land and I’ve got permission

Walker: No you don’t (I’m paraphrasing here)

me: Hang on. I’ll ring the landowner now (my landlord) and you can have a chat with him if you like.

Walker; mutter mutter grumble…wanders off

me: Sorry? didn’t hear you….

I’m trying to workout what to Google to see if there’s a similar thread on ukramblerists.com.

”No, but your mam likes to be ridden everywhere”

It’s these curiously UK-centric versions of ‘your mother (is promiscuous/a whore)’ jokes that I find endearing. Sexism, misogyny and degradation by sexual slur is hard-hitting, especially if the recipient thinks a lot of their mum. ‘Your dad’s gay’ is a rarer form of the same kind of approach (male hetero promiscuity being traditionally celebrated, they assumedly had to fish around a bit for a comparative ‘Your Dad’ slur)

Little known factlet: Earliest known evidence of a proto-”Your Mom” joke was found in inscribed on a Babylonian tablet over 3000 years ago. The punchline is sadly missing!

I can’t remember ever (while biking) being insulted by a walker. While out walking I’ve raged at a few ‘narrow-miss’ MTBrs though. Like to think I’m even-handed when it comes to dishing out approbation where necessary.

ossify Full Member
Someone once shouted out a window at me “Oi! Your back wheel’s following you!”

I had that one from some kids once too. The wit involved is obviously on too high a level for me to appreciate it.

HounsFull Member
“Get a bell!”
“You didn’t hear me shout excuse me 5 times, you’re not going to hear a bell”

For some people a bell is inherently important and I suspect they hear but ignore any vocal requests because they’re not a bell.

People are weird.

Not so much insult so much as some rugby tackling…

Riding with a group from local outdoor centre – A figure leaps from behind a tree and rugby tackles last teenage rider to the floor while shouting at myself and colleague that we were not allowed to ride there as it was a footpath.

After the physical tussle of removing the Council Ranger from the flattened child, and after 5 minutes of shouting, my colleague managed to point out that we also worked for the same Council, that we had written (and carried with us) permission to use the woods on certain months of the year, from the same Council and landowner we all worked for.

Winters Morning, saturday, 6.30 Am. There’s a hell of a headwind, and I’m doing maybe 3-4 MPH across a flat field, literally walking pace.  A Woman walking her dogs shouts at me from maybe 100m away, I roll over to her to check if she’s okay.

‘What you’re doing is dangerous and irresponsible! You’re going to hurt someone! you could kill a child!’

I literally had no retort, so laughed and carried on. She was the only person I saw in 20 miles.

I was minding my own business one afternoon riding along a canal towpath, when a stick flew out in front of me, closely followed by a large dog chasing it. I had to brake sharply to avoid being punted into the canal. The dog’s owner and her sullen partner appeared from a gap in the hedge so I explained her elementary mistake.

Me: “Your dog nearly had me off my bike. You blindly throwing that stick was a really inconsiderate thing to do”.
Woman: “…this isn’t a cycle path”.
Me (pointing): “See that blue sign right there? It says that this is indeed a cycle path”.
Woman: “[grumbles] well, you shouldn’t be here because it’s dangerous. You could fall into the canal”.
Me (to the husband/partner): “Being married to someone so spectacularly dim must be a real drag, huh?”

I’ve been saving a retort for dog walkers but I don’t seem to come into sweary conflict with others, so perhaps one of you can use it;

‘Well it’s not a dog shittery either, yet here you are!’

ossify Full Member
Someone once shouted out a window at me “Oi! Your back wheel’s following you!”

I like that one it shows some cycling knowledge

After the physical tussle of removing the Council Ranger from the flattened child,

What happened regarding the assault charge?

i dont tend to get much abuse from walkers when out riding. if i do i like to defuse the situation with a reply of ‘ well, at least nobody died’.
for some reason it seems to work.

@LS @nickc
We had a variation of that a few years ago.

Actually stopped by a dog walker, on private land, when riding there with the landowner and his son.
He was nice enough to let them carry on with their walk though.

(They did actually know each other, but not well enough to know that a) he was a keen MTBer and b) that they didn’t have the landowners permission.)

‘Well it’s not a dog shittery either, yet here you are!’

Chapeau. (Am a responsible dog-walker, but dogshit left about is my nemesis whether I’m biking, walking, bivvying or picnicking ITS DISGOSTAN!)

From a runner not a walker but had a quite venomous “you’re like f*kin mushrooms” shouted at me and @pook. Was tempted to follow him and ask for an explanation but he was quick and going the other way.

Had an absolute belter this week. Chap said to me as I passed:

“A bell would be good”

I said I’d just rung my bell three times with no response.

I’ve done this a few times when I haven’t actually rung a bell. Especially effective with older folks. 🙂